


Playground - Volume 2

by jade_lil



Series: Playground [1]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, But everything worked out in the end, But the other guy had no idea, Cheating, M/M, Ohmiya - Freeform, Sakumoto - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 08:46:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 46,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17915624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jade_lil/pseuds/jade_lil
Summary: Five years should be long enough for anyone to forget their first love, their first heartbreak, which unfortunately for him is the same person. It should be enough, he thinks, but then he sees him again and every little thing he planned to get even had all but threw themselves out of the door the minute the other man walked in.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Reposting this one for now. Volume 1 can be read in LJ

Playground Volume 1 [HERE](https://jade-lil.livejournal.com/107380.html)

 

There are a few things that can make Satoshi Ohno’s dick hard enough to drive nails – one of them is the fucking smell of toasted garlic and spicy scent of ginger, most especially if the two are mixed together – all of those he usually finds in ramen shops and sometimes, in his apartment when his now ex-girlfriend thought she could impress him with her culinary expertise he knows she only learned through watching online cooking programs.   
  
It might be disgusting for other people but Ohno isn’t other people; and there’s actually one valid reason as to why he gets an enormous erection over the smell of those spices enough to tear the front of his expensive trousers to shreds.  
  
And he blames it all on Ninomiya Kazunari.  
  
The guy he loved almost all his pathetic, adolescent life – with whom he had shared his secrets, his fears, and the wild, burning passion of a teenager. The guy he’d dreamt of sharing his future with.  
  
Until he’d dumped him unceremoniously on the day they were supposed to meet, on their way to Tokyo where the promises of independence, sex and more sex was just within their reach. Dumped him like they didn’t promise to love and take care of each other always.  
  
And there goes himself, completely unaware that the guy he had heartlessly dumped half a decade ago is back. It’s lunchtime, so the rush of people is understandable. He has been sitting here for about fifteen minutes without Nino noticing him, trying very hard to look disinterested, though he’s feeling anything but.  
  
He’s watching Nino try to single-handedly man the register while serving orders, his movements hurried but controlled. Even from this distance he could see the sweat gathering at one side of Nino’s temple, and his dick twitches at the memory of Nino’s sweat-slicked face as he fucked him slow into the mattress.  
  
It had been years since he’s seen Nino, too long for these memories to haunt him, enough to take over his senses sometimes but it has been there since then. There had been girls, and most of the times guys, with whom he had the chance to be intimate with along the way, but none of them was able to make him hot like Nino can.   
  
It’s like Nino’s touch and kisses are engraved into his being like second skin, that it only needs one fucking tiny thing for him to be reminded of it all over again.   
  
And that’s why he came back. He knows he should have done this years ago, meet Nino face to face and assure himself that he’s over him; fuck him if he has to, if only to scratch this itch and get it over and done with.  
  
He doesn’t need to remind himself that this is the same person who had literally ripped his heart out from his chest and stomped on it brutally, the same person who had the power to melt his resolve and make him rock-hard in the same fucking breathe.  
  
Nino looks his way at the same time he is reaching down to subtly fix his throbbing dick inside his pants, filing the way Nino’s eyes widen in surprise before he schools his features back to how it was before.  
  
_Oh good_ , he thinks. At least it sure looks like he’s not the only one.  
  
  
+++  
  
  
He gets the impression that Nino didn’t expect to see him, not after so long, especially after so many years that he didn’t come back here, not even to visit, but he guesses they both know that sooner or later, they’d have to face each other anyway; it’s inevitable. One way or another, this has to be done – the closure they both needed, closure that took him five fucking years to decide it’s what he needed, afterall.  
  
Nino looks like he is still debating whether to come over himself or send someone else instead to his table, but probably decides against it by the last minute.  
  
Nino walks the rest of the way towards him and he swears all the courage he had carefully gathered for the last couple of years starts to crumble with every step Nino takes towards him. It’s annoying, to be honest, to feel the way his heart is trying to beat its way out of his chest when Nino is close enough for him to see the younger man clearer.  
  
His breath catches when Nino offers him a smile, and he doesn’t realize how much he misses until he saw it again. His chest aches at the memory of the last smile Nino gave him the night he last saw the younger man, wondering how, in that simple gesture, Nino is able to hurt him again without even as much as trying.  
  
“Ohno-san,” is the first thing Nino says when he stops just close enough for him to hear Nino through the buzzing noises in his ear and the noisy chatter of those other diners in the background. “Been so long, how have you been?”  
  
It took him a long while to answer, unconsciously finds himself checking Nino out before he can even stop himself.  Nino sure looks older than the last time he saw him, his hair longer, and he looks fairly taller, but still not taller than he is. His complexion is still pale, his body’s still on the skinny side of skinny, but he’ll bet one of his most expensive paintings that beneath the baggy jeans and equally baggy shirt, are firm and toned muscles.   
  
He can tell that much even without actually seeing it, and god, he really should have trained his dick to better handle situations such as these. It’s so fucking difficult to think straight, to even keep his expression neutral when there’s a raging war inside his pants just because Nino is so close he can smell the familiar scent of Nino’s shampoo from that short distance.   
  
Nino clears his throat noisily and the sound of it is what snaps him out of his temporary daze enough to continue with the façade.  
  
“Yeah,” he returns with a smile that he hopes doesn’t look as stupid as he himself feels, crossing his legs and leaning back comfortably into the chair he’s sitting at. “I’m good,” he says, “not much to say about me but –“ he pauses here to look around the ramen place that Nino’s family owns. “I think the business is doing better than the last time I was here,” he continues, assessing the place as if he just remembered doing that.   
  
Nino smiles timidly and god knows he has to literally keep himself from reaching over and touching Nino’s lips, to feel Nino’s smile beneath his fingertips and be reminded of the past he’d worked hard enough to forget.  
  
He curls his hands into fists, feels his fingernails digging a little painfully into his skin but the pain is something he’d wholeheartedly welcome, if only because it is enough to keep him from acting on pure instinct, from jerking upright from his chair and wrapping Nino into his arms.  
  
It shouldn’t be like this, he tells himself, because for all the pain Nino had caused him in the past, the only thing he should feel for him now is remorse, the encompassing desire to hurt Nino back. It’s what kept him going for the last five years, afterall, and he knows that it’s the same thing that will help him move from here on.  
  
But then he makes a mistake of meeting Nino’s eyes for the first time in years, sees the smile on Nino’s face that doesn’t quite reach his eyes and he knows right then and there that there’s no way he can just leave now without knowing what went wrong back then.  
  
What had made Nino decide to stay back when they promised each other they will both go to Tokyo, and the reason why, for the last five years, Nino hadn’t, not even once, went out of his way to reach out so they could talk.  
  
“W-We… managed to pay off the debt that my father left us so,” Nino pauses here, lowering his eyes to the ground as he speaks. “we were able to keep the shop afloat, at least until we saved enough money for a bit of renovation,”  
  
He nods at this. “Glad to hear that,”  
  
“Hmm, is there anything particular you like? The daily special is still available but if you prefer the usual one you –“ Nino trails here, his face flushed pink it’s adorable. His pulse skips at the sight, vaguely wondering how Nino is still able to do that – how he can still make his heart race despite the permanent ache in his chest caused by Nino’s betrayal.  
  
“I really don’t have that much time to beat around the bushes, Nino,” he tells Nino matter-of-factly; “I came here because I want to see you and talk to you but this is hardly the place nor the time to do that. So come meet me later. We'll have dinner somewhere and we’ll talk somewhere else, that is, if it’s okay with you and if –“ he pauses here when a little girl, around three or four years old who looks a lot like Nino, came running towards Nino and clinging around Nino’s calf with a scream.  
  
Nino picks the little girl up effortlessly and he watches, torn between awe and something else, the way the little girl wraps her little arms around Nino’s neck and holds on as she cries into the crook of Nino’s neck.  
  
“You were saying?” Nino asks him as he pats the little girl’s back softly.   
  
He swallows hard, forces himself to talk despite the distinct feeling that he is speaking through a mouthful of cotton. “I said if you’re available to come and meet me later but I guess that’s not possible, huh?” he says.  
  
“It’s okay,” Nino says, almost quickly. “I mean, I can come and meet you. Later. Just tell me where and I’ll meet you there,”  
  
He points at the little girl. “Won’t your wife get angry?”  
  
Nino’s eyes widen. “My what? Oh, you got it all wrong, I’m not married,”  
  
He can feel his brow arching. “Then, she’s not yours?” he says, pointing at the little girl.   
  
“Hmm,” Nino hums, lowering his eyes to the ground again. “It’s a little complicated,”  
  
Another one to add to the mystery surrounding Nino, but, oh well, he’ll make sure he’d have enough time for question and answers later, as well as…  
  
Damn it. He can’t think about that now and expects himself to walk out of here calmly.   
  
“Fine,” he tells Nino as he stands up and pulls his phone out of his pocket. “Give me your number so I can mail you the place where we shall meet later,”  
  
Nino nods and gives his number almost on autopilot, while he punches the number into his phone with trembling fingers.   
  
He pockets his phone and gives Nino a smile as he turns to walk. “I’ll see you later, Nino.”


	2. Chapter 2

The moment Ohno’s back turned, it feels like all his strength has left his body in a rush, a pair of feminine but obviously strong arms winding around him from behind and keeping him from stumbling over.  
  
It’s Kazue. “Hey,” his sister mutters, pushing him down to the chair Ohno has just vacated not even two minutes ago. He also realized, belatedly, that his arms are free because Kazue has managed to take their little girl away from him before he accidentally dropped her without him knowing it. It was a wise move, he thinks, still a bit dazed, watching his hands tremble and wondering what could have happened if his sister wasn’t there to take Kazuri from his arms.   
  
“Kazu, breath, come on,” his sister mumbles, pressing her hand against his cheek. The warmth of her touch is familiar, the gesture behind it even more so.   
  
“H-He’s back,” he croaks, voice trembling along with the rest of him. “And he’s so angry that I can feel it from all the way there,” he says, pointing uselessly at the counter where he’d been standing at before he spotted Ohno.  
  
“Kazu –“  
  
“Which he has all the right to feel, considering the fact that I –“  
  
“Hey hey, come on, stop blaming yourself for that, it’s been what, five years already? Satoshi-kun probably already forgot all about it,” his sister tells him, her grip sliding from his cheek to his shoulder.   
  
He wants to tell her she’s wrong, that it was evident in the way Ohno was looking at him earlier that he was considering between punching him and fucking him right then and there. The former he can very well understand, but the latter?, he can’t  be sure but.  
  
But it’s there and he saw it; the way Ohno’s eyes had darkened visibly the minute he was close enough to see, the way Ohno’s nostrils flared in combined anger and arousal when he stepped close enough to see the way Ohno was shamelessly rearranging his dick from outside his pants.  
  
The gesture itself would have been nothing but crude if not for the fact that Ohno’s closeness had the same fucking effect on him. It sure didn’t matter that they haven’t seen each other for more than five years it seemed, what with the way he went all the way hard the minute his eyes found Ohno’s dark gaze on him.   
  
  
And equally thankful that he had opted on wearing loose shorts today instead of the usual jeans he took to wearing for work because if he did, then he is sure Ohno would notice right away.   
  
But maybe he did, notice something else that is– his nervousness, most especially the awkwardness upon meeting Ohno for the first time in years, but that is understandable considering the consequences. He wonders if Ohno noticed the way he’d barely kept himself together because that was how it felt like the whole time they were talking.   
  
“Mama, what’s wrong with Kazu-nii?” he vaguely heard his niece’s voice as she murmurs her question against her mother’s neck. He blinks, suddenly feeling entirely grateful for her sister when he realized then why Kazuri had come running to him earlier.   
  
“He’s just a bit sick, baby,” Kazue says, patting her daughter’s back and meeting his gaze over the top of the little girl’s head. “Why won’t you go to him and try to kiss the pain away?” she says, giving him a wink and a smile that makes her look so much like their mother.   
  
He opens his arms for Kazuri, smiling at their baby girl and puckering his lips when she did the same. She giggles, pressing her tiny mouth against his, her equally tiny arms wrapping around his neck.  
  
“Am I on babysitting duty now?” he jokes, cradling Kazuri in his arms as his sister remains quiet, simply watching them.   
  
She nods. “You’re not suited for work anyway, judging with how you almost ended up falling over when Satoshi-kun left,”  
  
“You should have seen the way he looked at me, Kazue,” he counters, wonders how it doesn’t seem all that believable or important to other people that Ohno hates him so much that the thought itself is enough to turn his blood into ice.   
  
“It’s been five years, Kazu,” his sister repeats the same thing as if it will somehow make a difference, that it will somehow make him forgive himself for what he did to Ohno. “Let it go, forgive yourself... if Ohno can’t do it, then do it for you, for your own sake,”  
  
He wishes it is that easy but it’s not. He’s used to this miserable feeling, been used to it ever since he watched Ohno walk away that day but the feeling is somehow worsened by the fact that Ohno is back, to question him or to get even most likely.   
  
Either one is understandable, he thinks, though he’s not at all sure if he can tell Ohno the real reason why he didn’t come to Tokyo with him that day as promised. He’s not sure if, after all these years, it’s something worth the betrayal and pain he had caused the only man he had ever loved.  
  
“You make it sound so easy,” he comments, drily.  
  
“Satoshi-kun sure didn’t look like he’d been the one suffering all this time, Kazu,” his sister returns, “Think about it,”  
  
He doesn’t have to, he wants to say, but wisely bites his tongue. It might not seem like it, especially with how calmly composed Ohno looked from the outside, but he knows. Five years isn’t long enough for him not to recognize the signs, the pain Ohno had vainly tried to cover up with righteous anger.   
  
He shakes his head instead. “It doesn’t need to show on his face for me not to notice it, Nee-chan,” he says, tasting bile in his tongue. “I’ve hurt him, and that fact won’t change no matter how many years had passed between us. I should have apologized years before, but I didn’t, because I’m a coward. Maybe him being here is a good thing, maybe,”  
  
“Nino, what –“  
  
“I’d better take this one home, then,” he says, instead, vaguely wondering why the girl in his arms isn’t moving. “Oh, she fell asleep?” he says, tilting his head, careful not to jostle her.   
  
“Kazu –“  
  
“I know you mean well, Nee-chan,” he says, quick, pushing himself on his feet despite his still shaking legs. “But this is Ohno we are talking about here. He’s not just some random guy I hooked up with one night and left the next morning. He  _was_  my bestfriend, the person I grew up with, the person I spent almost half of my life being in love with,” he says, without pause.   
  
“I know that –“  
  
“ – not to mention the fact that he’s the same person I’ve hurt so badly,” he says, as if he didn’t hear her.   
  
“So what, you’re going to start following him around now that he’s back? Do whatever it is he asks you to and prays he will forgive you if you do it?”  
  
He shrugs the shoulder Kazuri isn’t occupying. “I… maybe, I don’t know,”  
  
She looks stricken, shocked. “So _you’re_  really considering following him around,” she exclaims.  
  
“I don’t actually have to,” he says, vaguely feeling like he’s talking through a mouthful of cotton. “He asked to meet me later,”  
  
“What?”  
  
He gives her a smile, a tiny one that he hopes is reassuring enough for her not to worry but he knows he’s just fooling himself.   
  
“I’ll take Kazuri home, I’m sure Mom is there, she can look after your daughter,” is what he tells his sister before he walks away.  
  
  
+++  
  
  
The mail from Ohno came in not even half hour after. He is just laying Kazuri down on the couch, his mother somewhere behind him, watching him.  
  
“So I heard Satoshi-kun is in town,” she says while his back is turned on her and he freezes, wonders if she sees it and hoping against hope that she didn’t. Tough luck, though, because his mother still has the eyes of a hawk despite her age.  
  
“You mean, Nee-chan told you  _Oh-ch_  – Ohno is in town,” he clarifies, tucking a stray of stubborn hair behind Kazuri’s ear before he pulls himself upright. “Why am I not surprised?”  
  
“Kazu, you know it’s not –“  
  
“And I will also tell you what I have already told that loud-mouthed sister of mine, Ka-chan,” he says, turning around and meeting his mother’s worried gaze straight on. “I’m gonna go see Ohno whether you guys like it or not. I have to, you know I have to,”  
  
“But what if his –“  
  
He shrugs. “They should have anticipated this, too,” he says, quickly, clutching the front of his shirt and feeling the ever permanent ache in there throbbing along with the rest of him. “If they didn’t want Ohno to find out, they should have not let him come back here,”  
  
His mother lowers her eyes to the ground and he almost felt bad for saying those things. Almost. He goes to her, takes her into his arms and presses a kiss to her hair.  
  
“I don’t blame you, Ka-chan, or  _them_ , for that matter,” he whispers, winding his arms around her tight. It’s the truth, though, because even now, even after everything that has happened, despite the pain he and Ohno went through because of that one, huge decision he made that day, he doesn’t blame anyone. “But I do blame the consequences we were in back then that made me choose it -  _this_  over Ohno,” he says.  
  
His mother nods wordlessly and hugs him back, silent for a second longer. “But for all its worth,” he says with a pause, pulling away just a bit so he can look at her, wipe the tears from her cheeks. “please know that I never, not even once, regretted making that decision because I know then that it was for the best. For him, for us, for everyone,”  
  
His mother nods, reaches up and places a tender hand against his cheek. “But not for you,” she says.  
  
He shakes his head. “Maybe not,” he says, “but it doesn’t matter now,” he tells her, hugging her again.   
  
Maybe it’s not, it no longer is, especially after so long and especially since he’s still not sure why Ohno is here, why he wants to meet with him, in private, when he could have just punched him right then and there, get it over and done with but didn’t, but he guesses he won’t know until they’re face to face again. Maybe they’ll talk, maybe they wouldn’t, and well, he guesses he’ll know when he gets there.  
  
He squeezes her one more time before he lets go. He pulls away at the same time he fishes around his pocket for his phone and gives his mother a smile as she goes to sit on the couch where Kazuri sleeps on.  
  
He unlocks his phone and taps on the message from an unknown number with trembling finger.  
  
 _The Capitol Hotel, 8pm. Call me when you’re there and I’ll pick you up in the lobby._  
  
He pauses to breathe before he starts typing his reply.  
  
 _I’ll be there.  
_


	3. Chapter 3

It would be completely and utterly stupid of him to deny what he wants, to try and cover up the way he was so hot for Nino that it was borderline incredulous because it is inevitable anyway. He came here with a few things in mind afterall, and well, his body reacting the way it did shouldn’t come as a surprise. Their shared history together could attest to that and he’d be lying if he says he didn’t miss Nino in all the years he didn’t see him, that he didn’t allow himself to think about the younger man a few times during the last five years they were apart.

Because he did; it was stupid, he knew that, but it didn’t stop him doing it every once and a while anyway. The times he spent with Nino were the happiest he’d ever been afterall and even the pain caused by Nino’s betrayal wasn’t enough to change that.

First loves are heady, unforgettable; he knows that, but his had been coated with insurmountable lust that it was difficult to control it. Not that he tried to, because he didn't - he never had to with Nino. His desire for Nino was as fierce and wild as Nino’s own desire for him was, and together they were perfect.

He’s just not sure what had happened and why Nino had chosen to break his heart when Nino had told him he’d love him forever.

He closes his eyes, tries his hardest to blink the debilitating need to go back there and drag Nino with him away despite how difficult it all is. He needs to get a better hold of himself. It wouldn’t do him any good to let Nino know how Nino’s presence is affecting him, wouldn’t have to give Nino any additional ammunition the younger man could use against him. Nino could tear him up just fine without any more help and just standing there so close to Nino, but couldn’t do more than sit on his hands if only to keep himself from reaching out to touch Nino was enough to drive him crazy.

It took him all of his reserved strength not to grab Nino the moment he was close enough, to not push Nino on top of the diner’s table and fuck him right there despite the blinding urge. The sudden appearance of the little girl was like a bucketful of cold water to the face, and he was grateful for her for being there and equal parts ashamed of himself for not having enough strength to keep his libido and his dick in check.

God, it shouldn’t be like  _this_ ; he shouldn’t be  _acting_ like this, like an overeager teenager just because he saw Nino again, but that’s exactly how it felt like. Standing there, a few feet away from Nino was plain torture. And he didn’t think it would feel this way after so long, and especially after all the pain he went through because of the younger man.

He promised himself he’d come back here for a clean break. Five years is quite a long time to be holding grudge towards anyone, especially if it’s towards someone who meant the world to him once.

He figured he could go back and meet Nino one last time, fuck him if he has to just to prove to himself that being with Nino couldn’t possibly be better than he remembered it to be.

Maybe, that’s just what he needed.

He steps out of the ramen shop and onto the warm July afternoon, fumbling with the key of his rented car in hand as he struggles not to look back and check Nino out.

He’d have all the time in the world to do that later.

+++

His initial plan was to visit his parents first, then swing by at Nino’s once his mother is done hugging the shit out of him but all of that seems like a distant memory now.

Everything just sort of spiraled out of his control the moment his gaze caught Nino’s and he’d be damned if he tries to make sense of it all when he knows that if he does, he’s only going to end up pissed at himself for being weak, especially when it concerns Nino.

He gets into the driver’s seat with a little difficulty (because his erection hasn’t waned, damn it), only marginally avoiding bumping his leg against the gearshift as he settles in. He heaves a sigh when he’s properly seated, then remembers to check his phone for unanswered calls and unread messages.

He groans when he realizes he has at least twenty five unread mails and sixteen missed calls from Jun.

He heaves another sigh and taps the screen, preparing himself to be bitched at as he slaps his phone against his left ear.

+++

“Book you – wait a minute, aren’t you going back here tomorrow night?” Sho says, sounding stressed even when he is supposed to be on a holiday. Well, he can’t really blame the guy; he’d be super stressed too if he is working for someone like himself.

“Change of plans,” he says, pulling over. He’s still not sure if staying here is a good idea but he can’t go back now without talking to Nino. “So can you, I don’t know, try and book me into any hotel around here, like, now?”

“But what about staying with your parents?” Sho asks.

He shakes his head, then remembers Sho can’t actually see him. “I haven’t contacted them, so –“

“Do you want me to?”

“No no no,” he counters, quickly. “I.. I’ll do that, but. Not now. I mean, maybe tomorrow, but not now,”

“Satoshi-kun, I know I might about to go out of line here but… are you sure you’re okay?  If you want, I can go there and pick you up myself if you –“

“No, I’m alright, I swear,” he sighs; goodness, it’s exasperating sometimes to be treated this way, like he’s a useless child instead of a grown man who can take care of himself just fine. “I just. I have to stay here for a couple of days and I don’t feel like staying at my parents’ place so –“

“This isn’t about Ninomiya-san, is it?” Sho says after a pause, his voice dropping low. He doesn’t know how to answer so he doesn’t bother, and opts on staying quiet as he stares at the stretch of the almost dark road ahead. “Satoshi-kun?”

“It's not,” he says, more like whispers, but he knows Sho can hear him just fine. “I swear it _'s not_ , it's just that –“

“You  _already_ saw him,” Sho says, and he can detect the wariness and maybe a little bit of wonder in Sho’s tone. “Jesus. Does Matsumoto-san know?”

He snorts. “He should,” he tells Sho, “it’s his idea, afterall,” he says, and gets an almost comical-sounding gasp in return.

Well, it’s true. Part of why he’s here is because Jun had brought the idea up himself a few months ago afterall. Though it has been on his mind for quite sometime now, he doesn’t act on it because, well, he’s not all that fond with the idea of screwing his present relationship over the one that broke him, over the one that made his life miserable until he had simply learned how to deal with the pain but clearly, Jun had other ideas.

Jun had insisted it would be good for  _him_ , for  _them_ , if he do this. To come back and meet Nino for the last time just so he could get everything that reminds him of Nino out of his system before it drove him crazy.

But then he thinks about how he plans on fucking the hell out of Nino the moment he is given the chance to, wondering how it’s even possible to explain it to Sho, much more to Jun without ending up being punched repeatedly by the latter,  but then again, he doesn’t need to.

One last fuck and that would be it; one more chance to prove to himself that whatever Nino was to him before couldn’t ever be compared to what Jun is to him now.

He’d ride Nino one last time and that’s it. He won’t look back after this, he’s sure of it.

“Give me fifteen minutes,” Sho’s voice prompts him out of his temporary daze, “I’ll mail you the details once it’s done,”

“Thanks, Sho-kun,” he says, grateful for Sho’s understanding despite the fact that he doesn’t deserve it. “I’ll just wait, then,”

A beat. “So, am I allowed to tell Matsumoto-san where you will be staying if he asks or –“

“No,” he says, quickly, feels himself flush as he recovers fast. “I mean, I’m sure he won’t ask you because I already told him I'd be staying here, three or four days tops but if he does, just say you don’t know,” he says, more like begs, knowing full well that he’s asking his friend and assistant to outright lie to his other boss.

Another longer pause and Sho heaves a deep breath on the other end.

"Fine," the other man says, "But just to remind you, Satoshi-kun..."

"Yeah?"

"You are with Matsumoto-san now," Sho says, with conviction, the tone he never heard Sho used on him before. "I hope you aren't forgetting it,"

He sure hope not but at this point, he knows that it's going to be a little difficult to say that he won't with a straight face, not when he is still half-hard and his spine tingles with unfulfilled desire knowing that he'll be seeing Nino again later.

"You don't have to remind me, Sho-kun," he says, and hangs up.


	4. Chapter 4

_“Stay the night,” Ohno says, rolling off of him but not letting him go entirely; it’s alright though, because for now, the last thing he wants is to be separated from Ohno. He’d have to let Ohno go eventually, but later, not now, not when he wants their last night together to be filled with nothing but the memories of Ohno’s hands on his skin, of Ohno buried deep into him, of Ohno’s mouth claiming his._  
  
 _“Hmm,” he hums, running his fingers along Ohno’s arms, down to his side, his skin still hot to the touch. “But I still have to pack my things,” he reasons, leaning up to be kissed. Ohno gives in without a word, and their mouths meet in the middle, the kiss soft and chaste and very familiar._  
  
 _“You don’t have to pack so many, anyway,” Ohno answers, still mostly into his mouth before his hand moves down to palm Nino’s hip, curling possessively and tugging him closer. “We can always buy those that you’ll need when we get to Tokyo,”_  
  
 _“Gigantic waste of money, Oh-chan,” he counters, wondering how he’s managing to keep it all together when he’s this close to breaking down. His chest is heaving and he wonders if Ohno can feel it; if Ohno is aware of how slowly he is breaking apart inside._  
  
 _Or maybe not._  
  
 _Ohno chuckles and aims a kiss against the side of his head. “It’s not going to be your money, anyway,”_  
  
 _“So that means I should rejoice?” he counters, pressing his palm against Ohno’s chest and wishing he is strong enough to keep up with this façade until he leaves. It’s so hard, but he will manage, he has to, scooting closer to Ohno and mashing his face against the curve of Ohno’s neck._  
  
 _“I have a part-time job back there,” Ohno says, as if this explains everything. “and you can find one too, later, if you want,”_  
  
 _“I should,” he lies through his teeth; “I’m sure that the scholarship doesn’t cover the living expenses, and all those other stuffs that - ”_  
  
 _“We’ll manage, don’t worry,” Ohno says, “it’s going to be difficult at first but we’ll manage. We’re together, that’s what’s important,”_  
  
 _“If you say so,” he agrees, throwing his head back when Ohno mouths at his throat. There are a few hours left before he has to go, a few hours more before he has to let Ohno go._  
  
 _But for now, he’ll take what he can get from Ohno and prays it is enough._  
  
 _Even though he is sure it’s never going to be._  
  
  
+++  
  
  
“We’re here,” the cab driver announces, startling him and effectively tugging him out from his unexpected daydreaming.   
  
He nods and mutters a quiet apology under his breath, fishing out a few hundred Yens out of his pocket and hands them over to the driver. The driver simply nods and takes the money, mumbling something about receipt, to which he politely declines with a quiet ‘ _no need’_ afterwards.  
  
“Well, take care then,” the driver says.  
  
“Thank you,” he mumbles back before he pushes the door open, and steps out of the cab on shaky legs. It takes him a couple of seconds to steady himself, a few more to actually find the brain cells to close the door behind him and steps away as the cab drives off.   
  
His chest is heaving with every step, keeping his eyes glued on the revolving door and barely paying attention to the few people walking out of from it; it’s difficult enough to focus on another thing altogether when his brain is giving him a very hard time processing things all at once, and walking into this place where he will soon meet Ohno is messing up all the courage he has carefully stocked up on before he decided to come here.   
  
God, he hasn’t even reached the hotel’s entrance and his emotions are already in chaos. What is he going to do when he and Ohno are finally alone in his hotel room? Cry? Pass out?   
  
 _Jesus Christ._  
  
He breathes carefully through his nose if only to calm his racing heartbeat, only vaguely worried about stumbling on his own feet and embarrassing himself in the process; he walks on, quietly assuring himself that he can do this despite the fact that he isn’t really sure if he can.   
  
He’s worried and well, it’s hard not to feel that way; it’s difficult enough to be here, convincing himself that he is all ready to face the man he’d hurt all those years ago knowing that it is something he won’t ever be ready for.   
  
Seeing the combined rage and pain written all over Ohno’s face earlier told him how badly he had hurt Ohno then, and it makes him wonder if an explanation five years too late will be enough to ease the hurt he’d caused the only man he had ever loved.   
  
He fishes his phone out of his pocket but not after wiping his clammy hands against the fabric of his trousers. It is only fifteen minutes more before eight and he is still here, standing outside the hotel’s entrance, contemplating between walking to the door and running towards the opposite direction.  
  
He can do that; he can walk away and pretend he never came here, make Ohno wait for nothing the same way he did to Ohno five years ago, at least while there is still time and Ohno has yet to see him.   
  
But his heart refuses to even though he is scared, knows that if anything, he can’t do that to Ohno, not again.   
  
Or maybe he can, and if he will then it’s his choice anyway. But then again, what would be the point of loving the same person, of spending five long years regretting something he could no longer go back to, something he has no chance to change anymore no matter how much he wanted to because, well, it’s impossible.   
  
But now, he is given a sort of second chance to explain himself and his decisions, the things he was too scared to face himself before and well, he can't help but wish it’s okay, since things are all kind of different now; he’s older, both of them are, and he hopes that he is wise enough to make the decision for himself this time around, the same thing he wasn’t be able to then because of the circumstances he was facing at the time.   
  
He breathes in a lungful of air and wills his fingers not to shake as he unlocks his phone and begins to type a message to Ohno, telling the older man that he is already there before he starts walking towards the hotel’s entrance.  
  
Ohno’s reply comes not even a minute after.  
  
 _Go to the reception’s desk and tell them your name. I already inform them earlier that I’m expecting you. They will hand you a keycard for my room. Just come up and use it to unlock the door._  
  
He shakes his head and walks towards the door, heart hammering hard in his chest.  
  
+++  
  
Sure enough when he approached the reception’s desk and told the lady there his name, she didn’t even bat an eyelash and simply handed the keycard to Ohno Satoshi-san’s room, even asking him if he needed assistance to get there because she’d gladly send one of her floor staffs with him to guide him there.  
  
He told her that it was okay, that she only need to tell him which way to go, which elevator to take and he’d gladly take it from there. She smiled, dimpling at him and pointing at the elevator on the far right, telling him that it would take him directly opposite to Ohno Satoshi-san’s room, without him having to walk along hallways to find the right door.  
  
He thanked her and went on his way, the keycard felt heavy in his palm as he rode the elevator up to Ohno’s room.  
  
True to her word, he doesn’t even need to look around because the minute the elevator’s door opens, he immediately sees the number of the room’s door that is also written on the keycard.   
  
Room 617.  
  
He slips out of the elevator before it closes, willing his heart to stop trying to beat its way out of his chest and kill him, telling it to calm down because he can’t die yet, at least until he has apologized properly to Ohno.  
  
He stands in front of the door, contemplating between knocking and just using the keycard to let himself in but propriety wins; he knocks - once, twice, and he is sure he hears Ohno's voice - however muffled it actually sounded - from behind the door, prompting him to come in.   
  
He breathes in another lungful of air and wills his fingers to stop shaking as he inserts the keycard and waits.  
  
The door opens, and nothing could have prepared him for what he finds inside.  
  
"I'm sorry," Ohno apologizes from where he is, sounding completely unapologetic as he towels his hair. "There's an urgent call I had to attend to, that's why I wasn't able to come down to pick you up myself,"  
  
Ohno is naked.  
  
He doesn't realize he has closed the door behind him until he backs against it, feeling a little disoriented as his gaze zeroes in on Ohno and on the stretch of tanned skin bared to him. When his gaze drops on Ohno's cock, which is beginning to fill under Nino's gaze, a soft whimper escapes the back of Nino's throat before he can even stop it.  
  
His mouth waters at the sight, fingers clawing to his sides as the urge to touch Ohno then is too strong he has to swallow hard just to remind himself that he can't - that he'd already lost all the right to even look at Ohno when he'd decided to he break Ohno's heart five years ago.   
  
The towel falls to the floor and his gaze rivets from Ohno's cock to Ohno's face as Ohno starts to walk towards him, his footsteps filled with commanding purpose.  
  
"O-Oh-chan -" he breathes as Ohno's hands find their way to his hips.  
  
"I can't fucking go anywhere like this," Ohno hisses, his voice sounded strained, furious.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interlude included

**Interlude**

 

_Three hours and two more orgasms later, he is fully dressed and is well on his way out the door when Ohno calls his name, sleepily, from where he is lying on his stomach on the bed._   
  
_Fingers clutching the rough fabric of his jeans, he turns slowly and offers Ohno a smile that he hopes isn’t as wobbly as he himself feels._   
  
_“I thought you were sleeping already,” he says, watching the slow smile gracing the corners of Ohno’s mouth. “did I wake you?”_   
  
_Ohno shakes his head. “Why not sleep here? We can just both go back to your house tomorrow morning – or later – to grab your things before we head on to the station,”_   
  
_“But there’s nothing to grab when you know I haven’t packed anything yet,” he says, crouching down to retrieve his shoes. “I told you that already, right?”_   
  
_Ohno chuckles and looks highly amused for someone who is probably minutes away from falling asleep._   
  
_“Really, now,” Ohno muses, “are you sure that’s the reason or is it because you just want to spend the rest of this night cuddling with your mother?” Ohno teases._   
  
_He wishes there is some way to share with Ohno’s happiness, laugh with him some more despite the tightness he feels in his chest. It’s difficult enough to be standing here, swallowing the urge to cry, much more the urge to go back to bed and stay with Ohno, because he knows that he can’t._   
  
_He gave them his word, the promise that after this night, he will disappear from Ohno’s life forever afterall, so despite the fact that it’ll be the most difficult thing he’d ever have to do in his admittedly short life, he had to do it for Ohno’s sake, for the sake of his family, of everyone._   
  
_“I can stay, but my clothes won’t pack themselves and the papers I need to submit to school won’t show themselves until I find them, so –“_   
  
_“How about you stay just until I fall asleep?” Ohno cuts in, looking sleep-mussed and sounding like it too. He’s not sure whether to feel glad that Ohno seems reluctant to let him go just yet, even though the older boy knows they’ll see each other again in a couple of hours anyway._   
  
_“Oh-chan, quit acting like a baby –“_   
  
_“Please?” Ohno hums and gives him the puppy-eyed look he always, always fall for no matter how many times Ohno has used it on him. “At this rate, you won’t even have to stay for more than a couple of minutes,” Ohno states around a huge yawn._   
  
_“Fine,” he huffs, dropping his shoes from where he grabs them and sauntering back to the bed and sitting down on the space Ohno has left for him to squeeze himself on._   
  
_He only means to sit down but then Ohno is tugging him by his wrist the minute he is close enough, and he ends up lying next to Ohno, his head pillowed against one of Ohno’s arms._   
  
_“Told you I can’t sleep in here –“_   
  
_“Just stay with me for now,” Ohno hums, eyes already closing, his breath warm as it hits the side of his face. His chest constricts yet again, fingers reaching up to trace the soft skin beneath Ohno’s eyes. Ohno mumbles something indistinct under his breath and leans further to his touch, watching Ohno’s face as Ohno’s jaw goes slack._   
  
_“I love you, Satoshi,” he murmurs, wondering how and where he will get the strength to leave now, to command himself to stop touching Ohno when he knows it’ll be the last time he’d get to touch Ohno like this._   
  
_He doesn’t want to, and his heart outright refuses to let go even though he knows he absolutely has to._   
  
_He slowly rolls out of Ohno’s hold and opts to kneel on the floor as he watches Ohno. Resting his chin on the bed as his eyes memorizes every line, every curve, every square inch of Ohno face and body, while his own is trembling hard as he sobs quietly._   
  
_He vaguely hears the sound of the door opening and he doesn’t even need to glance back to know who it is._   
  
_“Ten minutes,” he mutters under his breath, keeping his gaze locked on Ohno’s face. “I just want to watch him for ten minutes more before I go… please,” he whispers, “Please, let me have that much,” he says, burying his face into his hands as his shoulders shake._   
  
_The next thing he hears is the sound of the door closing and after that, nothing._   
  
_“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, leaning over to press two tiny kisses against Ohno’s closed eyelids before he steps away. “I’m so sorry,”_   
  
  
_+++_   
  
_At exactly eight o’clock that morning, he watches from where he is hiding, as Ohno tears his way to the front of their house, looking frantically breathless._   
  
_His mother is already there._   
  
_“K-Kaa-chan, is Nino here?”_   
  
_His mother looks devastated, but the look on her face could mean a lot of things, too. Shame, confusion, heartbreak, worries; maybe all of it. He doesn’t bother deciphering them because he is too busy trying not to jump out from where he is hiding so he can hug Ohno, so he can tell Ohno how sorry he is that he can’t go with him to Tokyo._   
  
_From behind their mother, his sister appears. In her hand, the letter he was forced to write to Ohno, two weeks before his and Ohno’s planned trip to the city._   
  
_His sister hands the folded paper to Ohno without a word. Ohno accepts it and doesn’t bother stepping back  as he reads the letter right then and there._   
  
_His mother starts to speak even before Ohno is done reading._   
  
_“He left,” his mother lies, her voice shaking; he wonders if that is full on acting or if she really cares for Ohno, of the fact that right now, Ohno hands are trembling and his cheeks are slowly getting damp with tears. “I’m not sure how long he’s been planning this but –“_   
  
_“No no no no,” Ohno mutters, mouth quivering; Ohno raises his head just high enough for him to see the way Ohno’s heart breaks through his eyes then, and he has to quickly slap his palm over his mouth to smother his sobs, too close to stepping out of the shadows and revealing himself to Ohno._   
  
_He can’t, though, and that’s all there is to it._   
  
_“No!” Ohno screams, “No, Ka-chan! Nino will not do this to me! He won’t, because he promised me! He promised we will go together, today, to Tokyo! He promised me! He won’t leave without me, he won’t, that’s not –“ Ohno continues, stuttering, tears filing his eyes as he waves the letter around._   
  
_His mother remains quiet, and judging with the way her shoulders are shaking as Ohno calls his name, he knows she is crying too._   
  
_“Nino! I know you’re there, come on now, don’t – if this is a joke, it’s not funny! Not funny at all, I’m telling you!” Ohno screams, laughing mirthlessly now despite the tears in his eyes. He is this close to stepping out but then his sister chose that moment to appear, shaking her head at him and pointing._   
  
_From out of nowhere, Ohno’s mother and sister appear, Ohno’s father following closely after, with two fairly bulky guys in tow._   
  
_Not even five minutes after, they have Ohno kicking and screaming as they drag him back to his parents’ car._   
  
_Five minutes after, they drive off._   
  
_Half a minute after, his sister is there to catch him before he slides to the floor, sobbing his heart out._

 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------

 

**Chapter 5**

 

The shiver that runs through him is as surprising as Ohno’s warm breath against the side of his face, as shocking as Ohno’s erection poking his thigh.  
  
He gasps sharply, realizes his fingers have somehow find their way to Ohno’s forearms, stilling Ohno’s movement as Ohno buries his face into his hair.  
  
“Fuck, what do  _you_  even do to me?” Ohno hisses, and that’s all he could do not to whimper in return. It’s been so long since they stand this close to one another but it sure doesn’t feel like it, at all.   
  
He shuts his eyes tightly and wills his hands to stop shaking, his chest from feeling like it is about to burst because then one of Ohno’s hands leave his hips to grab a handful of his ass. Ohno unburies his face from where he has it mashed against his hair before, shivers as Ohno presses his mouth against the side of his temple, all the while squeezing his ass hard.  
  
His body reacts almost instantly, his fingers leaving Ohno’s forearms and finding their way to Ohno’s shoulders. Ohno’s mouth is on his jaw now, peppering light kisses across his skin as the hand touching his rear moves to the front to cup him through his pants.  
  
Ohno groans, low and gravely, and he does too when Ohno’s hand finds him hard and aching  for Ohno’s touch already.   
  
Ohno catches him around the waist, backing him firmly against the wall and slipping his fingers through the waistband of his jeans without preamble. Ohno’s lips travels from his jaw to his neck, sucking and nipping his way down as his fingers wrap around his cock.  
  
He jerks at the first warm touch of Ohno’s fingers, mewling helplessly, wantonly; Ohno growls in return, raw and needy, before he feels his pants come undone in just a matter of seconds, Ohno pushing it down his hips along with his boxers before he has time to react.  
  
Cold air hits his sensitive cock and he gasps, rolling his hips when Ohno’s hand finds him again.  
  
“God fucking damn it –“ Ohno curses, biting his collarbones and sliding a thumb across the slit of his cock, smearing precum all over the sensitive head. He wants to protest, wants to tell Ohno that this isn’t probably the right way to greet the person you spent five years hating in silence, but he finds it difficult to come up with anything coherent to say when Ohno’s fingers feels perfect around him and his orgasm is building infinitesimally fast he doesn’t realize he is coming until Ohno’s fingers still around him, his hips jerking unto Ohno’s own.  
  
The silence that follows is deafening, and he finds himself slumped against the wall, Ohno’s hand unwrapping itself from his cock.  
  
“O-Oh –“  
  
 _“Don’t_  say anything,” Ohno murmurs into the damp skin of his neck, and he tries not to shiver at the coldness of his tone. He stills when Ohno pushes himself away from him for a bit, Ohno’s eyes scanning his face as if he is trying to find something there he knows he wouldn’t find anyway.   
  
He lowers his gaze and wonders what it means.  
  
Years before, he used to wonder what it’ll be like when they meet again but somehow, his imagination never gets to the part where Ohno would allow him the luxury to be this close to the older man. Somehow, it always ends with Ohno punching him, with Ohno hauling hurtful things to his face and him keeping quiet because he knows he deserve it.  
  
But not like this. Never like  _this_.  
  
Without a word, Ohno steps forward again, fingers finding the hem of his shirt and pulling it up with the obvious intention of removing it all the way off him. He shrieks, then does his best to stop Ohno by closing his fingers around Ohno’s wrist but Ohno simply huffs and leans forward to bite him through his shirt.  
  
“I haven’t come yet, Nino,” Ohno tells him and the renewed heat that envelope him then is so sudden he finds himself whimpering again, especially when one of Ohno’s hands grabs one of his own and guides it to where Ohno wants it, in between the older man’s legs, around his cock. “And I don’t think you’re that cruel to drag me out there with my cock so hard and unfulfilled, hmm?”  
  
“I’m not sure I would want to go anywhere with you at this point either,” he returns blandly, tries covering the hurt with sarcasm but it completely counters the way he is pressing himself close to Ohno, scooting closer to Ohno’s body like a puppy seeking heat.   
  
“We’ll stay here then,” Ohno returns, rolling his hips and pushing himself into Nino’s stubborn hand, “We’ll order in,  talk while we eat and save the fucking for later,”  
  
He feels himself wince at that, but he tries not to show it. He should have anticipated this, afterall, and well, Ohno sure made his intentions very clear when he invited him earlier, despite the fact that Ohno didn’t outright said it. Of course, this is some kind of revenge on Ohno’s part, but still, it doesn’t make it any less painful to be treated this way, when he knows how preciously intimate sex was between him and Ohno before.  
  
But that’s the thing: those are part of the past now and therefore shouldn’t surprise him anymore that Ohno treats this as nothing but a quick fuck, like a forgettable one night stand because that’s how it is, and that’s how it’s supposed to be.  
  
He wants to say something but he holds himself. Instead, he follows Ohno’s lead and puts his hand where Ohno wants it, keeping his touch light as he traces Ohno’s erection softly.    
  
The groan that tore itself from the back of Ohno’s throat the moment his hand settles around the older man’s cock is so hungry his own dick twitches in response. He raises his head and bravely watches Ohno’s face as his fingers work around Ohno, mouth dry as he tries to document it all. Every little twitch, every little curl of Ohno’s mouth does something to him that makes even the simple thing as breathing difficult, finds himself missing everything he and Ohno had together before he went and broke Ohno’s heart.   
  
“D-Don’t stop,” Ohno whispers, and he sounded amazed and equal parts breathless. “N-Nino,”  
  
The tightness in his chest returns yet again, but the feeling is slowly being overcome with the roiling heat around his thighs when Ohno’s hand moves behind him again, cupping his butt cheeks almost possessively while he is rolling his hips.   
  
A hissing moan tears itself from the back of his throat when he feels Ohno’s finger dips in between, Ohno’s thumb delving deeper and deeper still.  
  
“Oh. _Oh_ ,” he moans, throwing his head back at the onslaught of too many sensations hitting him from the inside and out.   
  
Ohno takes his thumb back abruptly and the loss of contact left him panting for all of two seconds, at least until Ohno shoves another one in, his middle finger it seems, and pushing it right in. They are both breathing hard when they realize Ohno’s finger is buried knuckles deep into him, his inner muscles clenching around Ohno’s finger tightly.  
  
“G-God –“  
  
“Fuck, so  _tight_ ,” Ohno hisses as he pulls his finger out before pushing it back in. He’s too consumed with sensation that he doesn’t realize Ohno is watching him until he opens his eyes and catches Ohno looking, something wild and a little fierce behind his eyes.  
  
“Kiss me,” he whispers around a moan, waiting for the inevitable rejection when Ohno doesn’t move, either to pull away or to lean closer, so he is honestly shocked when Ohno’s mouth comes down to catch his, the movement too quick he is left gasping at the first warm touch of Ohno’s lips against his own.  
  
But when Ohno kisses him, there is no urgency. In fact, the kiss is slow, like Ohno is trying to reacquaint himself to everything that is him, tasting the inside of his mouth like he has all the time in the world to be doing that. Ohno angles his head and that’s it, it’s perfect, pushing his tongue in and licking those hidden pockets inside his mouth in a way that leaves him breathless and dizzy.  
  
“Hang on,” Ohno mutters against his mouth, his breath warm and damp, and for a second, he is confused and a little bit disoriented, especially when Ohno takes his finger out of his ass and presses one harder kiss to his mouth.  
  
At least until the ground disappears beneath his feet and he realizes Ohno has hefted him up and shifting him away from the door and backing him into the nearest wall, his arms automatically going around Ohno’s shoulders for dear life. Their eyes meet and the ache in his chest returns at the look of pain he sees on Ohno’s face, wincing a little bit when his hips connects with the wall where Ohno backs him against firmly.  
  
Ohno’s cock throbs against him, the heat tantalizing it is almost absurd. Ohno’s features is dark, his mouth set in a hard line and he finds himself wanting to wipe that look away knowing that he is the one who puts it there. But even now, even after so long, and even when he is right here, trapped in between the wall and Ohno’s body, an explanation of some sort won’t ever be enough to make up for the pain he had caused Ohno then, of the pain he must still be causing Ohno now.  
  
So he doesn’t, swallowing the words that took him five years and a few hours to rehearse and opts on the one that he hopes is easier enough to understand because that is exactly what he felt then, and is the only thing he is feeling now.  
  
“I’m  _sorry_ ,” he murmurs, pushing his fingers through Ohno’s shower-damp hair and leaning in to press a tiny, equally apologetic kiss against the corners of Ohno’s mouth. “I’m so sorry, Oh-chan,”  
  
Ohno’s eyes glistens for a moment as he swallows hard, his grip around his thighs tightening just the tiniest bit.  
  
“Y-Yeah,” Ohno whispers, “me too.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted as 2-parts in LJ

Gritting his teeth and forcing air back to his lungs, he wraps his arms protectively around Nino, steadying him with a hand pressed against the small of his back and the other he uses to grip the backs of Nino’s thighs as he turns them away from the wall.   
  
Nino still has his fingers pushed through his hair and for a second there, he wonders if Nino can see the scars of Nino’s betrayal he kept hidden deep inside him, how damn battered, how different he is now from the person he once was before Nino left him.  
  
He wonders if it even matters, especially when he is sure Nino  _didn’t_ –  _doesn’t_  care that he’d hurt him then. But seeing Nino now and hearing the apologies spilling out of Nino’s lips, the obvious misery curling at the edges of Nino’s mouth when Nino said the words he’d waited five long years to hear, suddenly, he realizes he’s not that sure anymore.  
  
He doesn’t know what to make of it, of Nino’s apology or the way Nino had said it because it sure felt like Nino was apologizing for something else entirely.  For breaking his heart, yes, but it also felt like there’s something more there, something he feels he should know but honestly doesn’t.  
  
He wonders if it is appropriate to ask Nino about it later. If he will even want to; but then again, he guesses it’s just normal to possess the desire to go after the truth even after all these years, to want to uncover the reasons that made living during the past five years difficult.   
  
But he’d do that later, he decides, and makes sure Nino is securely wrapped in his arms for now. Those things have managed to stay unsaid for years, afterall, and he’s pretty sure that a few hours more won’t hurt. For now, he has Nino with him, warm and soft and pliant, and there is no way he is going to let Nino go in favor of tackling something he knows will probably the end of them, permanently.   
  
“Hold on,” he tells Nino. Nino does so without a word, burying his face into the juncture between his neck and shoulder as he carries Nino past the inviting couch and towards the bedroom. There’s so much to be said between them, things to be settled instead of forcing Nino to his bed but he couldn’t care less about those now, couldn’t find the heart to even care that he is going to do something so horrible in a matter of minutes because to hell with it, he wants this and he wants everything about this so badly he aches for not being able to have all of it immediately.  
  
He wants all of it, and his body sure is attuned to Nino and Nino’s moods despite being apart from Nino for so long. His chest is heaving with want, skin tingling with the desire to have Nino writhing and moaning beneath him, to watch Nino’s face as he pounds hard into Nino’s body. He knows it is going to be really difficult to walk away once he gets what he wants but he will think about those afterwards.   
  
His conscience is screaming at him but he ignores it in favor of leaning up to nose the patch of soft skin of Nino’s clavicle, mouthing the stretch of skin bared to him. It doesn’t help that every now and then, Jun’s face will pop up from behind his eyelids, mocking him for being weak, for letting Nino’s presence cloud his judgments. But for now, he wills them all away in favor of cradling the person who meant the world to him once close, choking at the remembered pain hearing Nino as he whispers his name.  
  
“Don’t let go,” he whispers, wondering why it came out sounding like he is begging when he knows this shouldn’t be about what Nino is to him now, but what he wants to do to Nino after all those years he spent thinking, wondering, what went wrong between the two of them. What prompted Nino to leave him then, and what had made him agree to meet him now when he could have just said no.   
  
But he can’t think about those now and expect this to be what he planned it to be as he slowly lowers Nino to the mattress. He doesn’t know what prompts him to do it softly, gently as if Nino is something so vulnerable, something that could easily break, when he can just toss Nino there and ride him as fast as he possibly can but he ignores the question in his head in favor of bending over and kissing Nino long and hard.  
  
“O-Oh-chan –“ Nino moans when he pulls away to grab something from the bedside table, doesn’t  bother flicking the lights out even though he knows how Nino hates having sex with the lights on.   
  
He joins Nino to the bed without another word, uncapping the bottle of lube he brought with him with one hand and reaching over to part Nino’s legs wide with the other. Dipping his fingers in, he moves to settle above Nino, bracing himself with his elbow next to Nino’s head and slipping two lubed fingers inside Nino’s entrance without preamble.  
  
Nino’s inner muscles clamp around his fingers almost immediately and the noises that tear themselves out from the backs of his and Nino’s throats were identical needy sounds that goes straight to his cock. He watches Nino’s face, caught between lust and wonder, as Nino’s eyes closes and his lips part, his name slipping out of Nino’s slightly parted lips.  
  
“God, why are you still so tight?” he hisses, tone dripping with want. He leans down again to kiss Nino, doesn’t even bother with the niceties as he goes to plunge his tongue inside Nino’s mouth for a thorough taste.  
  
Two fingers gave way to another, and before they both know it, Nino’s hips is surging from the bed and bucking back to his fingers slipping in and out of Nino’s body. His cock is so hard that it is borderline painful, dizzy with desire as Nino calls his name over and over again.  
  
“Hngh – O-Oh-chan, p-please –“ Nino begs, back arching from the bed, his body writhing in ecstasy. His chest tightens with those unbidden memories of Nino on his bed, beautiful as he is now, moaning his name in pleasure.  
  
“Please what?” he says as he slowly withdraws his fingers, one by one. The loss makes Nino moan and writhe some more, and god, it is driving him fucking crazy watching Nino here, now, flush marring Nino’s pale chest.  
  
“Fuck me, please, O-Oh-chan,” Nino whimpers, already reaching for him when he lowers himself on top of Nino, his own body trembling with the urge to drive straight into Nino’s waiting heat. “God, please, come on –“   
  
“Tell me again,” he hisses, stomach twisting with renewed lust as he stares at Nino’s face. “Say you want me to fuck you. Say it, Nino,”  
  
“Do it,” Nino mewls, “Fuck me, Oh-chan,”  
  
He pushes in.  
  
Nino’s legs wrap around his middle with a cry, the sound is so distinguishably raw, maybe a little pained as he stills for a moment to get his bearings. Nino’s eyes are tightly shut, his lower lip caught in between his teeth hard enough that it bleeds, and the sight makes things in his chest tight.  
  
He leans down and kisses Nino if only to get Nino to stop biting his lips, and Nino does so, kissing him back.  
  
“M-Move,” Nino hisses into his mouth as Nino’s heels dig softly against his lower back. “Oh, please, move,”  
  
He shuts his eyes close and does what he’s told.  
  
He jerks his hips once, twice, hard enough that the bed rattles beneath them, Nino holding on to him tight as if Nino is afraid he’d disappear if he lets go. He watches Nino as he fucks him, his orgasm brewing fast he knows he won’t be able to stop it.  
  
“Ah, fuck, fuck,” he curses, reaching down and finding Nino’s cock, hard and throbbing again, and wraps his hand around the base and starts pumping it in the rhthym of his hips fucking Nino.   
  
Nino throws his head back and then the previous tightness becomes twice as tight, the heat that envelopes his cock is as tantalizing as the sight of Nino’s face as he yells his name and comes.  
  
“Ah, fuck, Nino!” he shouts, jerking his hips so hard into Nino he’s sure the head of his cock just touched the ends of Nino’s body, shuddering as he comes and comes as if he’s never going to stop.

 

+

 

When he came to, Nino is running a hand across his sweaty back and humming contentedly against his shoulder. He hums back and rubs his nose against Nino’s equally damp temple, only vaguely aware to brace himself up on his arms so he won’t crush Nino with his weight.  
  
When he shifts, he is, he realizes belatedly, is still very much buried inside Nino, his cock bathed with his own come flooding the insides of Nino’s body. He groans at the thought, his dick twitches with renewed interest despite the fact that he ought to feel disgusted for fucking someone (it’s not just someone, it's Nino!, his stupid brain tells him), or anyone for that matter, without a condom. But he isn’t and if that's not reason enough for him to realize how entirely fucked he is, he’s not sure what else would.   
  
To be honest, it is something he never dared tried with anyone, not even with those he managed to hook up with after Nino - not even with Jun, and not even when he’s so turned on that getting off quickly was the only thing his lust-clouded consciousness was after because he still managed to find enough brain cells to move away just so he could grab his wallet where he always kept one for emergency.   
  
Before, yes, and the only other guy he’d fucked without protection was the same guy who is currently lying beneath him, the same guy he is still balls-deep in, the same guy who’d stolen his heart from when they were younger, and had never given it back.  
  
It is true, though, because there hasn’t been anyone who has managed to get close to him the way Nino had, the same way he had allowed Nino because, well, it all felt like a natural thing then – Nino was his first love, afterall.  
  
And even now, even after everything he went through, and even after all the pain he’d gone through because of Nino, he knows that there are things between them that had stayed the same and will always stay that way no matter what. He'd come to realize them now, especially after he'd decided he was ready to go back here to see the younger man – even if it’s for revenge or for something else entirely.   
  
But then again, he realized he should have prepared himself better, enough to know what to do in the face of something even he himself didn’t expect because now, there are so many things about this that confuses him even though there's a part of him that is aware they are bound to happen anyway.   
  
He looks at Nino and wonders why, after all these years and after being with someone admittedly better than Nino himself, he feels honestly alive, the way he hadn't been for years. He wonders if it's just because of his recent orgasm, or the fact that he is still shoved deep inside Nino but knows that those only add to the reason why he feels so damn happy that it makes him wonder what in hell is wrong with him.  
  
Because it shouldn’t – there’s no way he’d want to be with Nino again after everything that has happened but he can’t deny the fact that things have started going into a very different direction than what he had initially planned the moment he saw Nino again.  
  
Five years should be long enough for anyone to forget their first love, their first heartbreak, which unfortunately for him is the same person. It should be enough, he thinks, but then he saw Nino again and every little thing he planned to get even have all but threw themselves out of the door the minute the other man walked in.  
  
It shouldn’t be like this, it  _shouldn’t_ , but then he caught Nino staring back when he did too and his heart simply accepted the fact that he wants this, whatever the hell this is – that despite the pain caused by Nino’s betrayal, he still wants Nino the same way he did before. Or maybe not exactly the same way, because being with Nino certainly felt different, but he guesses the undeniable lust he had, and still has for Nino was huge enough reason for him to forget his desire for revenge, huge enough for him to even consider convincing Nino to try it one more time with him.   
  
Five years worth of heartache isn’t enough to dull the desire he only ever feels for Nino, and he knows that even now, even after everything, he still wants Nino so much it hurts.  
  
It should worry him, how badly he wants things to be the way they were before when he knows it’s impossible. For one, he’s not even sure if Nino is with someone now, and even if he’s not, well, he guesses that’s not going to be a problem; Nino obviously wants him just as much to allow this and he can work that to his advantage.  
  
But then again, Nino’s not like him. It’s kind of stupid to be certain that Nino won’t stoop that low (the way he himself did), and allow himself to be fucked by anyone if he’s in a relationship with someone else, because no matter how badly Nino had hurt him before, he was – and still is – certain that Nino didn’t cheat on him then, and he is pretty sure Nino won’t allow this if he is with someone else now.  
  
 _Get your act together,_  he keeps on telling himself that but he figures there’s no going back now that it’s happened. He knew that it’d be difficult to walk away from this once it does, and it already did, but he went with it just the same.  
  
Things have snowballed into something so complicated now, especially with how he himself is taking this, and especially with how badly he wants all of this. But then again, the fact that the complication already started the minute he stared at Nino and found none of the things he thought he would find when he saw Nino again, and that would have been hint enough, but stupid as it is, he ignored it. It escalated further when he proposed for them to meet in private, and it spiraled into something even more problematic the minute he decided to be a jerk and seduced Nino even before Nino managed two steps inside his hotel room.  
  
But complicated is nothing in compared to the chaos that is his thoughts right now; complicated seemed to be a walk in the park in compared to the quiet desperation running through his  bloodstream the minute he thought of not seeing Nino again once he let him walk out of that door.  
  
He did that before, he tells himself, and he’s not that stupid to do it again.  
  
Bracing himself on one arm, he shifts on top of Nino and uses his other free hand to touch the side of Nino’s face, finding himself wanting so many things at once. He realizes now that he wants to be with Nino despite the complication of wanting him will entail in the long run but for now, he has to be completely honest with himself enough to go through with this before he decides to settle those other things that need to be settled next.  
  
He wants to be with Nino and that’s that. How he will convince Nino to agree, well, that’s a different story altogether. And whether Nino loves him or not won't even be a problem either. He figures it’s fine if Nino doesn’t, that they’re better off without it, they can live just fine without that complication, just as long as Nino knows his intentions for wanting to be with the younger man, and they’ll be okay.  
  
They’re both adults now, afterall, and if he can convince Nino to stay with him, things will be better. He’s sure of it.  
  
It’s so easy to picture himself going back here during his few and far in between breaks from the city, and much easier to imagine how he will manage to convince Nino to go to him if he can’t. It’s going to be difficult, he knows that it will, especially when he’s still not sure what to do with his relationship with Jun but those would have to wait until he’s assured that Nino is his again.   
  
“Oh  _god_ ,” Nino moans when his hips jerk without volition, feeling the immense pleasure of watching the shock on Nino’s face when Nino realizes he is still hard inside Nino’s own body. Something warm blooms in his chest and he knows it has everything to do with the fact that Nino is smiling like he’s so happy to be where he is right now, trapped between the bed and the heat of his body pressed against Nino’s.  
  
“Shit, you’re still hard?”  
  
“Why do you look so surprised?” he says, giving Nino enough leeway to rearrange himself beneath him, groaning in appreciation when Nino widens his legs far apart to further accommodate him. “Five years, Nino; of course I missed fucking you,” he mutters through tightly gritted teeth, wondering why he feels none of the repulsion he brought with him when he came here.  
  
In fact, he’d be lying if he says the tightness that he suddenly feels inside his chest doesn’t have anything to do with the sadness he sees in Nino’s eyes exactly the same time those words are out of his mouth, but he counters the bite in his words by fingering the corners of Nino’s mouth, soft and barely-there touches that makes Nino’s eyes flutter close.  
  
The next time he blinks, Nino is curling his fingers around the back of his neck and pulling him down for a kiss.   
  
“Well, what are you waiting for, then?” Nino asks, purring, fingernails scratching the backs of his neck teasingly. “Take me, Oh-chan,” Nino whispers, pulling himself a bit up from the bed, brushing the words softly right into his ear. “Take me, I’m yours,”  
  
 _You’re not,_  he wants to say, hips jerking into Nino again, thrusting home with a groan with Nino’s name on his lips and Nino’s legs wrapping around his waist. _Not yet, at least; but I promise you will be. Soon._


	7. Chapter 7

Somehow, he realizes he should have taken up Ohno’s offer to head out for dinner instead of staying in because now, he can’t even properly swallow the food Ohno ordered from room service without literally choking.  
  
Ohno keeps on staring at him and it’s kind of making him genuinely uncomfortable.  
  
“Is there something on my face?” he says, more like whispers as he bravely raises his head and meets Ohno’s gaze straight on. It’s hard but he mans up, feeling his pulse picks up when Ohno simply tilts his head and brings the bottle of beer to his lips.   
  
He watches, dazed, the way Ohno’s Adam’s apple bobs beautifully as he swallows, the painfully erotic way Ohno wraps his lips around the bottle’s own for a sip; he can’t help but imagine the way it feels against his own, how perfect, how hot Ohno’s mouth was when Ohno kissed him just exactly how he remembered it to be.  
  
“Nothing that I haven’t already seen,” Ohno says once he’s put the bottle down next to his untouched plate of hamburger steak, Nino’s favorite.   
  
“Then why do you keep on looking at me, at my face, if that’s the case?” he counters, wondering if covering his nervousness with a snarky remarks is how he should do it, especially when he’s still unsure about the reasons Ohno hasn’t kicked him out yet.  
  
Ah, but they haven’t actually talked yet, he reminds himself, because instead of doing that, they went straight to fucking not even two minutes after he closed the door behind him.  
  
Ohno shrugs. “Just checking for any -  if there are, actually – changes in you from the last time I saw you,” Ohno says, sounding very serious, his gaze unwavering.  
  
He feels the heat creeps up to his cheeks. “Bet you found a lot,” he says as he tries to chase away the memories of himself on Ohno’s bed, spread wide open as Ohno relentlessly, almost tirelessly fucked him, once after they both came the second time, with Ohno guiding him on his hands and knees and fucking him from behind, and one more with him on top of Ohno, riding Ohno’s cock before Ohno finally let him go as if he had an endless reservoir of energy.  
  
“Not really,” Ohno says, “to be honest, you still look fairly the same I’m actually wondering how that happened, how it’s even possible. Jesus, you’re what, almost twenty four now, right? There should be at least a laughline or two, or a few grey hairs, at least,” Ohno follows, Ohno’s gaze locked on his face, before Ohno lets his gaze drops lower down his body, eyeing him critically despite the hotel robe he has on as if Ohno simply can’t be bothered to hide the fact that he’s looking at Nino and he’s looking at Nino intently.  
  
He wonders if he should be offended, but then he realizes that there is nothing offensive in the way Ohno is looking at him. In fact, it’s embarrassing, and equal-parts heart-warming, to be honest, how intently focused Ohno’s gaze is on him now, how it honestly feels like the years they spent apart had miraculously disappeared the moment Ohno’s hands found his.  
  
“Well, maybe aside from the stupid muscles you –“  
  
“Stupid?” he counters, feels the corner of his mouth twitch with barely-restrained mirth. “You’re calling my muscles stupid? And which muscles are you even talking about here, because I don’t think I have them -”  
  
“You’re abdomen is  _ripped,_  Nino,” Ohno says, voice turning a few octaves lower and his eyes equally turning a few shades darker. He feels a little stupid, kind of breathless, his stomach clenching deliciously in response to the tone of Ohno’s voice. “And your arms, god, they’re –“ Ohno pauses here, and for a second or two, Ohno’s eyes have gone wild and almost unfocused as he locks it on Nino’s.   
  
Then Ohno smiles as if he remembers something, soft and sheepish, and Nino’s heart flutter dangerously fast inside his chest. “You’ve gained weight; I thought I was going to fall over and kill us both when I carried you from the door earlier,” Ohno teases.  
  
The laughter that bubbles up his throat and out his mouth then is high-pitched and, to his surprise, giddy.   
  
“What, you expect me to weigh and look the same even after five years? That’s kind of stupid of you, Oh-chan, don’t you think?”  
  
“It’s _not_  – I don’t, not really,” Ohno says, like he’s thinking about what to say next and finding it hard to come up with the right words.   
  
He can’t blame him, not at all; it’s hard enough to be here, pretending that the years they’ve spent apart, and the heartaches they both suffered all through it can be easily remedied by simply jumping straight to bed to fuck. It won’t, no matter how much he wants to pretend that it’s enough, and judging with the look on Ohno’s face now, he is sure he’s not the only one who realized this.  
  
He puts his chopsticks down and regards Ohno with a look that he hopes is transparent enough for the older man to see how sorry he is for the pain he’d caused Ohno, even though none of it was intentional. He can tell Ohno now, sure, but will it even matter? Will it even change the fact that he chose to hurt Ohno then by leaving him instead of manning up and telling Ohno to his face what was happening? Will he understand?   
  
“So, how’s your Mom?” Ohno says, quite suddenly that he is left wondering what prompted Ohno to quickly side-step the obviously hanging question in between them and asking something so mundane all of a sudden. “And Kazue? I didn’t see them at the shop earlier,”  
  
He wills the air back into his lungs and wishes he’d have enough strength left when Ohno finally asks the questions he came back here for answers.   
  
“Mom doesn’t work there anymore,” he says by way explanation, “she… she had an operation a few years ago and, well…” he pauses here to grab his own bottle of beer for a drink, then,  “you know, she’s getting older too so we told her she don’t have to worry about the shop anymore. Kazue and I took over to manage the shop a few years ago,”   
  
“Looks like the business is doing good,” Ohno says. He nods.   
  
“It’s still fairly small compared to those other big ramen shops in the city but you know we have customers from way back in the days when my mother and my father started it, and those still come back to eat even when there are so many shops around already. And we get referrals too, from those old customers, you know? It’s… yeah, it’s small but the business is fairly established now than it was years before,”  
  
“And you like it? Working there, I mean?”  
  
He nods, vaguely wondering where Ohno’s questions are heading. “Yes; you know I’ve always liked it there. Even when Kazue acts like a little shit most of the time and some of the customers are like bunch of jerks from hell, I like working there. I guess it’s in our blood, running that ramen shop and thinking of new flavors to add to the existing ones, you know?”  
  
Ohno nods his agreement. “So, what about you? I heard you’re a big shot artist in Tokyo now,”  
  
“An artist? Maybe yes,” Ohno returns drily, mouth tilting into a sheepish, but definitely gorgeous smile. The urge to touch Ohno’s mouth is too strong he has to literally bite the insides of his cheeks to keep himself from reaching over and doing it. “But, a big shot? I don’t think so,”  
  
He smiles. It is so like Ohno to be humble about his achievements even though he doesn’t need to. “You did two art exhibitions last year alone, and in two different countries too. And I heard you have one coming up by the end of the year as well. If that’s you not being a big shot artist, then I don’t know, maybe you should try and help me redefine that word for me so I can better understand it,”  
  
Ohno huffs. “You’re making it sound so –“  
  
“Grand?” he supplies, “Huge? But it is, isn’t it? You’re – how do I say it – a celebrity now, aren’t you?” he says, smiling big at Ohno’s blush.   
  
“I’m not really,” Ohno says, “I’m still me. An old man trapped in the body of a middle-aged guy, who likes to fish and draw and –“  
  
“Is a big shot artist-slash-celebrity,” he supplies with a grin. “Seriously, are you sure it’s okay for you to be here? Won’t you get in trouble for renting a hotel room out here and asking some random guy to pick the key to your room from the reception? Won’t the paparazzi come and, you know?”  
  
“I’m not a big shot artist-slash-celebrity and you’re not just some random guy I asked to meet me here, Nino,” Ohno says, giving him a look that is obviously part-annoyed, and maybe equal-parts frustrated. He doesn’t know what to make of it so he doesn’t try. He simply lowers his gaze and says nothing in fear of further pissing Ohno off for saying something mundanely stupid.  
  
“Yeah,” he agrees, tasting bile in his tongue. “I guess it would have been better for you to be with some random guy instead of the one who broke your heart years ago, huh, Oh-chan?”  
  
“I didn’t say that,”  
  
He shakes his head at that without bothering looking up. “You don’t have to,” he says, “I.. I shouldn’t have agreed to meet with you like this but I guess it’s a little too late for that now yeah?”  
  
“How so?” Ohno asks, “is it because instead of talking, we went straight to fucking?” he can’t help it, he winces, the truth behind those words slicing through him like sharp blade.   
  
“Yes,”  
  
“It’s not….It wasn’t my intention,” Ohno says, and he finds himself meeting Ohno’s gaze and raising his eyebrows at the same time because, really? “No, seriously, I mean. Fine, okay, so it was, but not the way you think it is, okay?”  
  
He frowns. “You’re confusing,” he says. “I think it was fairly obvious that you’ve wanted to bed me the first time you saw me back in the shop. Fuck now, talk later, isn’t that right?”  
  
“Watch it, Nino,” Ohno grits, and he watches the older man stands from the one-seater couch where he was lounging at for the past few minutes since the food arrived and walks straight next to him. “I admit, that was the plan before,” Ohno says, very gently that the sound almost got lost in between the sounds of his own heart beating crazily inside his ribcage.   
  
“I came here with all the intention of fucking you one last time, just to prove to myself that being with you couldn’t possibly be how I remembered it to be,” Ohno says, reaching over to slide a finger across his cheek, soft and surprisingly tender that he realized he is shivering from just that brief contact.   
  
“And I was  _wrong_ ,” Ohno follows, “because it’s  _better_.”

 

+

 

He gasps, sharply, and tries to come up with a proper reply that won’t sound like a lie because the last thing he wants now is to mess things up the way he successfully did before. He won’t give Ohno something that isn’t there, won’t make Ohno do something he doesn’t want just because they happened to have sex when they both know they shouldn’t.  
  
Though it doesn’t change the fact that right now, his heart is doing that complicated dance inside his ribcage that is obviously different from the usual dance it used to perform before.   
  
This time, he knows it has something to do with the way Ohno has his fingers fanned against the side of his neck, thumbing the side of his jaw, the corners of his mouth. It also doesn't help that Ohno is keeping his gaze locked on him, Ohno staring at him in a way that is both fierce and tender his heart aches with the memories of a younger Ohno looking at him the same way, wondering whether to believe the words he never dared imagine hearing straight from Ohno's lips after all the pain he'd caused the man who still owns his heart.  
  
It's hard to convince himself that everything will be fine just because they spent a few hours fucking each other's brains out, simply because he knows that it won't. There are so many things they have yet to tell each other, so many things that happened in between those five years they were apart they have to talk about, to reconsider before he lets himself believe that they can work things out between them the way he's pretty sure Ohno is suggesting.  
  
Though, to be honest, that's just on his part - the hesitation that is, because it's hard to expect things to go the way he wants them to go knowing that he's the one at fault here. Ohno didn't know what happened then, his reasons for leaving the older man, and even now, even after five years, he is still scared that those weren't enough for Ohno to understand that he did what was asked of him, that he did what he thought was right then because he didn't have any choice.   
  
His hands were tied and there was nothing an eighteen year old, unemployed guy like him could have done then besides bowing his head and doing what he'd been told.  
  
"You're not talking," Ohno says, fingering the side of his mouth.  
  
He shakes his head. "What would you want me to say, Oh-chan?" he says, more like whispers, feeling the proverbial butterflies fluttering around his belly. It's a little distracting, the same way Ohno's touch is, but it doesn't come close to the way his damn heart is behaving inside his ribcage.   
  
  
"I don't know," Ohno says, his tone betraying the confidence of his touch, the warm familiarity of this closeness he never thought he'd get to experience all over again. " _Anything,"_  Ohno says, breathless.  
  
He looks up and finds Ohno's gaze is on him, soft and thoughtful, and wondering how it's even possible for Ohno to still want him despite the pain the older man suffered because of him. It is different for him because he knows what he wants even then, and is mostly certain about his feelings for Ohno now that they saw each other again.  
  
It didn't matter that Ohno hated him, that Ohno did ask him to come over so he could fuck him, use him in any way Ohno likes because even then, even despite knowing that's the case, no matter the circumstances, he knows he will come, no questions asked. It didn't matter that it is Ohno's subtle (even if it's obviously not) way to get even, because he will let Ohno do what he wants and he will not question it.   
  
It shouldn't matter what he thinks about all these, because he knows himself enough to know how far he is willing to go just to earn Ohno's forgiveness. He knows it, because his feelings for Ohno remain unchanged, untainted, despite the years he spent blaming himself in silence and hurting.  
  
“It’s… we’ve always been good together,” he whispers, for lack of anything to say as he turns his gaze elsewhere.   
  
Silence. "So what happened?" Ohno says, and the finger touching his jaw stills at the same time.   
  
This is it, he thinks, chest pounding hard as he braces himself and wills his eyes to meet Ohno's own. He needs to be looking at Ohno when he say it, finally, and he wants to be focused enough to keep himself together when Ohno decides to push him away once he's done telling Ohno what he should have told the older man years ago.  
  
Five years. That's long enough to keep these things a secret, so he won't anymore.  
  
"You were going to Tokyo," he says, swallowing the lump that formed in his throat. "I  _wasn't,"_  
  
Ohno's gasps is as sharp as the emotions blinking in his eyes, and for one, terrifying second, he thinks Ohno is going to shout at him, but he didn't.  
  
"I know I should have told you then, should have been honest with you from the start but -"  
  
"But you didn't," Ohno cuts in, and he honestly feels like his heart is also being literally cut in half. "You didn't, despite the fact that you promised me we would go together. We were together the whole night, Nino. The whole night. The whole fucking night I spent mostly inside you or your mouth wrapped around my cock. If I had known you would leave for good, I wouldn't have let you go!"  
  
"O-Oh-chan -"  
  
"God damn it, but you promised me!"  
  
"I know but I can't just leave my family behind, Oh-chan!" he counters, tears forming in his eyes as the words escape his lips. God, he doesn't have any right to cry about this, to be upset about something he himself had decided upon because it was his decision but it's hard. It's difficult to keep his emotions in check when he's not sure where he's going with this, where they'd end up after he tells Ohno everything.   
  
Well maybe not everything because he knows, and he has decided that he'll only tell Ohno those things that he can and those that directly concerns him. The others Ohno can find out for himself, because it's not his place and it's not something he can explain clearly.   
  
"And I knew that a clean break was the only way you would go without me holding you back,"  
  
"Fuck, what clean break are you talking about?" Ohno hisses, letting him go as if stung. "You didn't even say anything, Nino! You just fucking disappeared! Leaving me with a fucking note as if was enough for me to understand everything, as if I meant nothing! I went to your house and your mom gave me that letter as if it was enough to answer everything. A letter telling me that you went somewhere not even your family was aware you were planning on going! Now you're telling me the reason you didn't go with me was because you didn't want to leave your family behind? What the hell is -"  
  
"I lied," he whispers, repeating it loudly when Ohno hisses 'What?!' without daring looking up. "I didn't leave. I was there when you came over that morning, hiding."  
  
"Oh, and that should make me feel better how?"  
  
He shakes his head. "It's not," he says, "It shouldn't, and I don't expect that it would," he says. "It was my fault, I know, but I didn't have that many choices then. I - my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer a month after I've decided to go with you to Tokyo. And I almost did, despite the fact because they knew it's what I want, I swear to you. They wanted me to go, and I almost did, Oh-chan, I swear, but I -"  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Ohno asks, his tone suddenly dropping a few octaves lower.   
  
"There was nothing you could have done then, Oh-chan," he answers, "and I didn't want to burden you with my family's problems. You have enough on your plate already and it wasn't fair that I dump those things on you too. My family was problem, not yours, so I had to choose then. I thought that if I made you think that I left, you'd move on and go back to Tokyo, to your art school and to the wonderful life waiting ahead of you," he says, bravely raising his head to meet Ohno's eyes.   
  
"And I was right, see? Things turned out pretty awesome for you because I wasn't there to hold you back,"  
  
"You're wrong," Ohno says, very softly that his heart aches again without him realizing it. "I didn't,"  
  
"W-What?"  
  
"Moved on," Ohno returns, "You thought it was that easy? You thought you only need to push me away, to tell me that it's over and that's it? We were together almost all our lives, Nino, and I was in love with you mostly through half of it." Ohno says; God, he's not even sure how to answer that so he doesn't try. "You thought I moved on? You - I was miserable all throughout college, Nino.  _Miserable_. And I might have continued being that way if I hadn't learned to compartmentalize everything to the point where I had become numb to everything,"  
  
"S-Satoshi,"  
  
Ohno turns then, and he doesn't realize he is reaching over to grab the nearest part of Ohno he can reach - Ohno's elbow - and tugging. He stands up, bumping his hip against the side table but he ignores the pain in favor of holding onto Ohno firmly.  
  
"You told me then that you love me," Ohno whispers without turning back, "That you'd love me forever. Was that even true?"  
  
God, how can Ohno even ask him that? "Yes,"  
  
"Then prove it," Ohno says, turning around so slowly and catching him around the waist. "Be with me, Nino. Forget the past, forget everything and be with _me_. Where you should have been these past five years."


	8. Chapter 8

The silence that followed is enough to break his heart, again, especially with how obviously difficult it is for Nino to meet his eyes but he tough it up; he has to. Because it’s this or watch the very reason his heart is beating like it is glad to be alive walk out that door and out of his life again, the same way Nino did five years ago.   
  
He can’t, not now, not anymore, never again. He allowed that before and he’s not that stupid to do it again. He’ll chain Nino to his bed if that’s what it will take to keep him, make him understand that there’s nowhere he’d rather be than here, or anywhere so long as he’s with Nino.  
  
“Say something, please,” he says, only vaguely aware of his voice coming out a little raspy and is more concerned about the fact that Nino still isn’t saying anything. Reaching up, he rubs his thumb along Nino’s jaw and wishes he has the ability to read Nino’s thoughts now, to know what is going on inside Nino’s head before Nino’s silence drove him mad.   
  
It should be alarming – it i _s_  alarming -  how badly he wants this, all of this, when not even a few hours ago, his plans were set in two simple things : invite Nino out to dinner and then spend the remaining hours of the evening with his dick shoved inside Nino's body.   
  
But after hearing Nino’s reasons for leaving him then, he realizes he never really cared about it the way he thought he did, especially once he was able to get his hands on Nino’s body, the moment he was able to kiss Nino’s lips. Everything sort of just clicked into their proper places the minute their mouths touched, and that’s that.   
  
There’s no need to force himself away from it all just because of the pain they obviously both suffered in the past because that was something they could no longer return to no matter how much they want to, or the fact that he has his own personal shit to straighten out too. He gets that it will be a little difficult to go back to how they were before, but he’s not about to let that ruin his chance to be happy again.   
  
Because at the end of the day, what matters is that he realizes what he wants and he’s going after it, grateful for the way his heart had simply accepted this, and happy that he is given a second chance to be with that person he has, and can only imagine spending the rest of his life with.   
  
It’s going to be a little tough from here on, but he doesn’t mind the bumpy ride so long as he is sure that when he turns around, Nino is there to welcome him, that Nino is still his no matter what happens. He’d gladly look past the pain Nino had caused him then, would gladly forget every single day he woke up crying for missing Nino so much, as long as Nino says he’s willing to try this one more time, with him.  
  
“I-It’s… O-Oh-chan, I –“ Nino stutters, and his heart does too. Suddenly, he is scared that maybe, he’d been right. Maybe, Nino is with someone now. That’s the only other reason he can think of, seeing Nino’s hesitation.  
  
He lets Nino go despite the way his heart is telling him not to, stepping back and giving Nino the space he probably needs right now.  
  
“Y-You – are you in involve with someone now?” he asks with a bit of difficulty, feeling like he’d swallowed a handful of cotton and is trying to speak through mouthful of it too. “Is that why you’re so worried and –“  
  
“I – no!” Nino returns, vehemently; “I’m not, okay? I just. God, you’re –“ Nino pauses here, fingers massaging the side of his temple as if he’s not sure what to say before he settles with, “I can’t believe this,”   
  
“Can’t believe what, that I still want you? That I still  _lo_  –“  
  
“No, wait, Oh-chan, just wait, okay?” Nino mutters, stopping him with an arm stretched between them. He doesn’t want to but for Nino, he’ll do anything. “You’re…  _god_ , this is crazy,” Nino mutters, and he can’t help but nod his head in agreement, finds himself smiling as he does so.   
  
It’s crazy, it truly is, especially with how easy it is for him to accept the fact that he wants what he and Nino have before; crazy, yes, but what else is there for him if not this? He spent five years of his life in misery, in pain, when he could have simply gone back here once he was done being angry and knew that he would have found Nino here, the same way he did earlier.   
  
Nino hadn’t left; he never did, and if he’d at least tried, then those five long years spent without Nino would have been prevented. But as it is, he was stupid and heartbroken, and it was partly his fault that he and Nino had to suffer the pain of being apart because of it. But he’s older now, they both are, and the person he is still obviously madly in love with is here, so close, so near for him to touch and he swears he isn’t going to make the same mistake of letting Nino go twice.  
  
He walks towards the bed and sits himself down, and it’s only so he doesn’t end up crossing the short distance between him and Nino and holds Nino in his arms again. He wants to, but he can’t, not when Nino sure looks like he needs the space to think, to rearrange his thoughts enough to realize that he’s not here to punish Nino for all the pain he’d had to suffer during those five years they were apart. Not now, not after everything he’s heard straight from Nino’s lips, at least not anymore.  
  
He crosses his arms over his chest and keeps his gaze locked on Nino. “It probably is,” he agrees, offering Nino a smile that he hopes is encouraging enough to erase Nino’s doubts about all these. He wants to, but he needs Nino to understand that despite the fact that he wants Nino so much it’s hurting him to stay this far from Nino and not touch him when the urge is strong enough to kill him, it can’t work if he’s the only one who is willing to give  _this_  – the two of them – another try.  
  
“But I know what I want and I know exactly what I’m asking you, Nino,” he says.  
  
Nino looks like he’s about to say something but ends up saying something else entirely. “Why would you even want  _this_  –“ Nino says, pointing at the space between them, then to himself, “ –  _me,_  after all the pain I’ve caused you in the past? Why would you even think that we can – that it’s possible for us to –“  
  
“Because I still love you,” he admits, loud enough for Nino to hear; Nino gasps sharply, eyes wide as if Nino’s not sure he heard him right. “And you said you love me,” he follows, “earlier, when I asked you, right?” Nino says nothing, oh but he doesn’t need him to.   
  
The look on Nino’s face is answer enough.   
  
“O-Oh-chan –“  
  
“I know you must be thinking that I’m simply doing this to get back at you but I’m not,” he says, hoping he’s not making an even bigger mess by talking, that he’s not about to screw this up when  the last thing he wants is for this to backfire right into his face.   
  
He wants Nino back and he hopes it’s easy enough for Nino to see that, to realize that he’s manfully swallowing his pride just so he could be with Nino again even though it’s hard. He doesn’t care, though, because he’ll do everything for Nino, give everything up just to have Nino in his arms again. Even if it means he has to beg on his hands and knees, he’d do it.  
  
“I haven’t told you everything yet,” Nino says, lowly, sounding genuinely upset. “at least the ones that really matters,”  
  
“What matters to me is that you still love me and that you love me enough to want to try it one more time with me,” he says, wishing he doesn’t sound as desperate as he already feels though he can’t really do anything about that now, can he?   
  
He is desperate, afterall, and if Nino says he can’t, that maybe they shouldn’t, then he’s not sure what else he should do aside from doing what he does best to convince Nino that he’s not about to give them up again, to let Nino walk out from his life the way he allowed him to before.  
  
“The rest are just details, Nino,” he follows, brows furrowed.  
  
Nino hums something indistinct under his breath though he can’t hear him. He doesn’t have to because then Nino is walking back towards the bed, towards him, and the knot in his chest tightens when Nino stops right in front of him, lifting the hem of his robe and stepping over to straddle him.  
  
His hands automatically worm their way around Nino’s waist to steady him, putting one hand to the small of Nino’s back before he scoots backwards a little to make some room, taking Nino with him.   
  
Nino’s thumb finds its way to his temple, his touch gentle as Nino tries to smooth away his frown. He closes his eyes and leans further into Nino’s touch, focusing his attention on the warmth of Nino’s fingers on his skin and the warm solidity of Nino’s body atop him.   
  
“You’re pissed,” Nino says, and he opens his eyes in time to find Nino leaning in and pressing soft kisses against his forehead.   
  
“I  _was_ ,” he admits, palming Nino’s hip possessively. “But only for a moment.”  
  
Nino nods and presses another kiss to the tips of his nose. “Tell me,”  
  
He shakes his head and wills the words to come to him even though it is exceptionally hard to say what is on his mind, the things that truly matters. “I was angry at you for doing that to us, for deciding on something without telling me but then I realized, what’s the point? We can’t go back and change what already happened no matter how much we want to, and there’s no point in wanting to,”  
  
“Oh-chan, you know it’s not –“ Nino says with a little shake of his head, before he pauses to regard him a look that might have just cemented his doubts about Nino’s thoughts on this. Of course Nino wants him, still loves him, and he guesses that’s all that matters now.   
  
“I know that now,” he says, closing his eyes and wishing there’s an easier way to make Nino understand that he wants to be with Nino. “Do you think I would even ask you this if I don’t? I understand that it was something you had to do and I admit, it pissed me off to think that you chose to break us up instead of talking to me, instead of letting me share your burdens with you but who am I to judge you for that? I shouldn’t, even though I’ve done it for the past five years but only because I didn’t know what really happened. But now I know and I realized that I shouldn’t have, I have no reason to,” he says, curling his fingers possessively against the curve of Nino’s hip.   
  
Nino shakes his head and the look on Nino’s face is enough to bring all the painful memories back but he forcefully swallows them down. “You have all the right to,” Nino says, soft and tender, “I broke your heart,”  
  
“And I know that doing it broke yours too, so that gave me no reason to complain at all,” he says.  
  
“You are surprisingly calm about this,” Nino comments, and he smiles at the amused tilt curling the edges of Nino’s mouth. “It’s kind of –“  
  
“Shocking, I know,” he says, reaching up and worming his fingers around the back of Nino’s head. “I didn’t expect this either,” he admits. “I really didn’t, to be honest. I came here with two things set in mind -  take you out to dinner and then spend the remaining hours of the evening fucking the shit out of you,”  
  
“Ouch,”  
  
He smiles and tugs Nino’s head down for a quick kiss, fingertips grazing the soft skin of Nino’s nape as he shakes his head. “But it only took one look from you and everything I have planned on doing simply vanished,” he follows, touching Nino’s cheek. “As if the years we spent apart had been miraculously erased the minute your eyes met mine,”  
  
“Oh-chan,”  
  
“It’s seriously, honestly, totally absurd,” he says, letting his hand drops from Nino’s cheek down to his throat, pushing his way in between the open front of Nino’s robe. “how you can make me feel like I’m eighteen again the moment you walked in and found me,”  
  
Nino moans harshly when one of his fingers found Nino’s nipple and gives the hardened peak a gentle squeeze. “How hard and throbbing I was when you set your eyes on me, how desperate I was to be inside you the minute you called my name,”  
  
Nino squirms on top of his lap and that’s all he can do not to tug Nino down for a kiss, hard and hungry and demanding. He takes one of Nino’s hands and guides it where he wants it, pressing the palm of Nino’s hand into his aching cock.   
  
“Touch me,”  
  
“Oh-chan, I still haven’t –“  
  
He kisses Nino again, cutting Nino off. He pulls back after a few seconds and reaches over to push the sleeves of Nino’s robe aside, exposing the stretch of pale skin now marred with marks. He hisses and leans over to suck another one against Nino’s left collarbone, getting a high-pitched groan from Nino in return.  
  
Nino’s fingers find their way to the back of his head, tugging on his hair and moaning. “Oh-chan –“  
  
“I know,” he whispers, leaning up for another kiss and groaning when Nino’s hand slips its way in between the front of his own robe and found him, hard and already slick at the tip. “I promise I’ll listen,” he says, more like stutters because Nino is wrapping his hand around him then, smooth and oh-so perfect, “but later. For now, just touch me, please, Nino. I ache for you,”  
  
The sound that escapes the back of Nino’s throat then is so beautiful he finds himself responding in kind, growling low and deep when Nino’s hand disappears for a moment at the same time Nino jumps off from his lap.  
  
“N-Nino –“ he says, or at least starts to, but every little thing he plans on saying ends up trapped in his throat when Nino gives him a smile at the same time Nino kneels in front of him, in between his parted legs and takes his cock in Nino’s small hands.  
  
“Let me,” Nino says, leaning in forward with a grin.


	9. Chapter 9

He leans in forward and gives the head a tentative lick, humming softly when Ohno’s fingers find their way to the back of his head to steady him. He repeats the action once, twice, his fingers wrapped loosely around the base as he sucks the entire head into his mouth with a hum.  
  
Ohno moans, broken and raspy, his breath coming out in ragged puffs as he parts his mouth wider at the same time he tilts his head to the side, letting Ohno’s cock slide in easily. He hasn’t done this for a very long time but he guesses it doesn’t matter when he only needs to hear Ohno’s answering groans for his instincts to kick in.  
  
He lets one of his hands move down to massage Ohno’s balls, one after the other, lightly, teasingly, enjoying the delicious noises escaping the back of Ohno’s throat. He misses this, the taste and feel of Ohno’s cock throbbing inside his mouth, the familiar, earthy kind of musky and salty taste of Ohno’s precum flooding his tongue.  
  
“ _G-God_ , N-Nino – ah, f-fuck –“ Ohno stutters, fingertips digging a bit tightly against his scalp. He hums in return and gently pulls away, slowly, slowly, letting Ohno feel the way his mouth stretch around Ohno’s cock before he lets it go all the way out with an almost obscene pop. “Shit – that’s –“  
  
He smiles, face hot as Ohno fingers the side of his mouth, soft and coaxing as his tongue swipes the remains of Ohno’s arousal around his lips. Ohno curses yet again, low and deep, and the sound of it is like a direct link to his aching cock, throbbing in between his legs and begging to be touched in return.  
  
He doesn’t, though, because for now, he wants his attention focused solely on Ohno, on the sounds Ohno makes as he sucks and licks Ohno’s cock, the faces he knows Ohno makes when he runs his tongue over and around the swollen tip.  
  
“I see you still like it when I put my mouth on you,” he says, finding it easier to tease Ohno now despite the few questions hanging between them.   
  
Ohno’s smile is as gorgeous as the man himself, and for the life of him, he can’t help but wonder how he was able to make it through the five years without this, without Ohno’s touch, his kisses, without Ohno in his life. But then again, that was his choice and he knew he’d have to live with it, though now, he can’t help but be a little hopeful about this, especially since Ohno’s practically confessed how  badly the older man said he wants him back.  
  
It’s not hard to want it too, he thinks; he spent five long years of his life wishing things were different, afterall, but he guesses it’s worth it to try and let himself believe that they’ll be able to work things out this time.  
  
Maybe he’ll do that, maybe, but until they’ve told Ohno everything, he’ll hold back on hoping for more than what he and Ohno have right now. Until then, he’ll take what he is willingly given and hope it would be enough to last him a lifetime if ever Ohno decides to leave in the end.  
  
“You know I like everything you do,” Ohno rasps out, stroking his cheek softly, the look on his eyes is dark enough to spark a desire so fierce he is left panting because of it. “even if most of them are enough to drive me crazy,”  
  
He chuckles and squeezes the base of Ohno’s erection lightly just to hear Ohno’s answering growl. “So I drive you crazy, huh?” he teases and slowly leans in, still holding Ohno’s gaze; Ohno’s eyes are so, so dark, his expression wildly unfocused, but it only makes the whole thing all worth it when he flicks his tongue out and teases the slit of Ohno’s cock lightly. He doesn’t take his gaze off of Ohno even when he closes his mouth around the head, sucking it hard once, twice, dropping his gaze when he decides to take Ohno’s cock a little deeper into his mouth, deeper and deeper still.  
  
Ohno’s fingers are once again at the back of his nape, massaging gently, encouragingly; he closes his eyes and decides to enjoy it, lowering his head over Ohno’s cock, inch by agonizing inch, trying to regulate his breathing as his mouth is slowly filled with everything that is Ohno, hard and throbbing and perfect. Ohno is moaning his name again, over and over, and he takes that as his cue to continue.  
  
Pushing his gag reflex to its protesting limits and caring so little at the uncomfortable weight throbbing beneath his tongue, he groans, realizing belatedly how Ohno’s just slipped all the way to the back of his throat, Ohno’s cock throbs inside his mouth, harder than it’s ever been. He hums around the mouthful and gets an almost wounded groan from Ohno, Ohno’s fingers now tightly wound through his hair as he experimentally bobs his head, his tongue swiping the throbbing length.  
  
“Fuck – shit, ah, Nino!”  
  
He hums again, fueled with the sounds spilling from the back of Ohno’s throat as he keeps one hand around the base, and the other one alternating on touching Ohno’s balls and squeezing Ohno’s legs. He’s so turned on that he can barely think past the desire to feel Ohno’s composure breaks beneath his capable hands, to feel Ohno’s pleasure flooding his mouth and tongue as he sucks Ohno hard.  
  
“Oh god – N-Nino, oh shit!” Ohno curses, long and drawn out before he feels Ohno’s fingers tugging him up, Ohno’s cock popping out of his mouth obscenely.   
  
“Oh-chan –“  
  
“In you,” Ohno says, harshly, not bothering removing their robes as Ohno flips him back down on the bed and straddles him, bending over to kiss him, Ohno groaning hard and deep the minute he tastes himself on Nino’s tongue. He groans, back arching from the bed when Ohno shoves his legs apart, pushing his robe aside the second after. “I’m close, Nino,” Ohno mewls, the sound so raw, so needy and he feels himself throb in answer.   
  
“Then let me finish it,” he says, licking his lips and letting Ohno see how much he wants him back in his mouth. “Let me just –“  
  
“No,” Ohno says, quickly reaching over to grab the tube of lube he left there, coating his fingers and quickly slipping two inside Nino’s entrance. “Inside you,” Ohno groans as he loosens him up, gently this time because Ohno knows he must be sore. He closes his eyes and parts his legs wider, his arms clutching Ohno’s shoulders for dear life.   
  
“I want to come inside you, Nino,”  
  
“God, Oh-chan,” he mewls at the same time Ohno takes his fingers out, aims the blunt head of his cock inside Nino’s hole and pushes in. His inner muscles clamp around Ohno’s throbbing cock like an automatic reflex, Ohno groaning in return as he leans down and bite his chin lightly.  
  
“Ah, shit, so good, Nino –“ Ohno groans, catching his mouth into another kiss, their tongues tangling together. He scrabbles for purchase around Ohno’s back, clinging, his legs twining around Ohno’s waist as Ohno pumps his hips once, twice, their mouths still locked into a deep kiss. He holds on, holds on, holds on, heart thudding in his chest as Ohno fucks him, fingernails digging into Ohno’s back where he knows they belong, and where he hopes they’d stay from here on.  
  
  
  
+++  
  
  
He doesn’t even make it past putting on his jeans before Ohno’s hands are there to stop him.  
  
“Hey hey hey, what do you think you’re doing?”   
  
He makes a face and gives Ohno a look that he hopes is exasperated enough for Ohno to let him go. Ohno doesn’t, raising his eyebrows at him and tugging his pants away from his grasp and throwing it carelessly aside.  
  
He sighs. “Getting dressed, what do you think?” he says, wriggling out of Ohno’s vice-like grip even though he knows his attempt won’t lead him anywhere. “What, you don’t expect me to leave your hotel room naked, do you?”  
  
“You’ll stay naked because there’s no way I’m letting you two steps near that door, Nino,” Ohno says and tugs him right back to the bed. He lands on his ass near the edge with a quiet thump before Ohno’s weight follows him. “I thought I already told you that I’m not letting you go anywhere without me,” Ohno says, grabbing his hands and pulling them above his head.  
  
He tsks, though he can’t deny the fact that he likes the feeling of being trapped, wanted. “I have to go home, Oh-chan,” he says, more like whines, whimpers when Ohno tsks in return and leans down to bite his chin. “Kazue’s been calling me nonstop for the past hour and has left me about a million texts too. She says Kazuri’s crying, looking for me. That kid can’t sleep without me, you know?”  
  
Ohno gives him a look, the one that brings back a quarter of the pain that took him five long years to get used to.   
  
“I thought she’s not your daughter,” Ohno says, letting him go before plopping next to him. “Or was I wrong?”  
  
He sighs and turns to his side, reaching over to touch Ohno’s face. “You’re not,” he says, “She’s Kazue’s,”  
  
Ohno turns and leans in to his hand on Ohno’s face, eyes closed. “But she’s used to sleeping beside me so –“  
  
“I’ve been without you for five years, Nino,” Ohno says, his tone pained, harsh, and the sound of his voice, coupled with the equally pained look on his face is enough for him to want to regret even opening his mouth. “Can’t she sleep with her mother for one night? I just. I don’t want you to leave,” Ohno says, “and if you insist, I swear to god, I’ll follow you. You wouldn’t want me to end up facing your family and the potential awkwardness we’d both suffer because of it, right?”  
  
He shakes his head, wondering what he did to deserve this – this second chance at something he thought he won’t ever get to experience again.   
  
“Instead of mine, you should go and talk to your family first,” he says, pushing himself into Ohno’s arms and mashing his face against the side of Ohno’s neck. It’s the perfect place to be in, and for the life of him, there’s nowhere he’d rather be than here, cradled safely into the warmth of Ohno’s embrace. “you haven’t visited them, right?”  
  
Ohno shakes his head. “No,” Ohno confirms. “I went straight to the shop to see you,” Ohno says, Ohno’s arms going almost suffocatingly tight around him. Then, softly, Ohno adds, “Fine, I’ll go and visit them in the morning,”  
  
“You do that,” he whispers, fingers fanned across the warm skin of Ohno’s chest.   
  
“But you’re still not going anywhere tonight, Nino,” Ohno says, hands smoothing a broad swipe down his back. It’s comfortable and familiar, and he wishes he can stay right here, next to Ohno, close to Ohno, for always.  
  
He raises his head high enough to look at Ohno. “Oh-chan, I want that too but Kazuri’s –“  
  
A beat, then a sigh heaved into the top of his head, Ohno grunts and pulls away, but not far enough to let him go. Ohno tangles their fingers together, lifting their joined hands up to his lips and pressing two soft kisses against the back of Nino’s knuckles.  
  
“Fine,” he says, though it sure looks like it’s killing him enough to agree. “But I’m driving you there and I’m waiting for you outside until she falls asleep, okay?”  
  
“But –“  
  
“No buts, Nino,” Ohno tells him, cupping his cheek and kissing him, hard and swift, before pressing another one against the side of his mouth, soft, chaste. “You’re not going anywhere without me, I already told you. So bear with it, bear with me for a little longer, please?”  
  
He will, he knows it already, pushing himself up on his elbows and catching Ohno’s mouth into a kiss, fingers light against Ohno’s cheek.  
  
“You don’t even need to ask me that, Oh-chan,” he says, and lets himself be swept away with the force of Ohno’s desire pulling him beneath it as Ohno holds him close and kisses him as if it’s going to be their last.  
  
He hopes it isn’t, but for now, he doesn’t let it worry him, he can’t, he won’t allow it. He folds himself onto Ohno and kisses Ohno back with all he has, hoping it is enough.  
  
  
+++  
  
He grabs Nino’s hand and pulls Nino back to him before Nino is able to open the door and let himself out.  
  
“You have an hour, okay?” he says, planting a kiss against Nino’s mouth. “If you’re not out here by then, I swear to god I’m going to follow you and I don’t care if your mother is there to stop me. I really don’t, Nino, so please, do me a favor and –“  
  
Nino kisses him probably to shut him up. “One hour is enough, Oh-chan,” Nino says, shaking his head and smiling ridiculously sheepish. Ohno wants to keep kissing him, to taste that smile and soak it all in.   
  
“Alright then,”  
  
Nino huffs and pulls his hand away which is still trapped between his own. “So can I go now?”  
  
“Absolutely,”  
  
Nino rolls his eyes to the heaven and damn it all, he wants to kiss Nino again. “My hand, Oh-chan,” Nino whines and the sound of it hits him hard, how he misses it, how he misses everything about Nino. “How do you expect me to leave if you won’t let go of my hand?”  
  
Shit. He releases Nino but not after pulling him into his arms and kissing him, hard. “Fine, you can go,”  
  
Nino shakes his head at him. “Thank you,”  
  
“One hour!” he reminds Nino before the door of the car closes behind Nino and Nino simply waves a hand at him. He watches Nino’s retreating back until it disappears behind the front gate.  
  
It’s when he finally takes his gaze away from the gate where Nino disappears into that he realizes his phone is vibrating nonstop in his pocket.  
  
He takes it out, humming under his breath and stills the minute he opens the message.  
  
It’s from Jun.  
  
 _I heard you aren’t staying with your parents from Sho-san,_  the text says, then,  _and that you asked him to book you a hotel room. I don’t want to ask the obvious, but… what the fuck do you think you’re doing, Satoshi?_


	10. Chapter 10

He stares at his phone for what seemed like a full minute, contemplating between deleting the message he received from Jun and switching his phone off, pretend he never received it.   
  
But he can’t.   
  
He knows that sooner or later, he has to face Jun, tell him everything that has happened during his stay here. Or maybe not all, because there’s no way he’ll be able to say everything he did to Jun’s face and expect not to break his jaw afterwards, but he assumes the worst part would have to be the one where he tells Jun they’re over because he realizes he and Nino aren’t.  
  
That despite the pain, despite the years they spent apart, he and Nino were never over. There’s just no moving on from both sides despite their mutual and silent pains and coming back here with all the intention of seeing Nino once more simply proved that.  
  
Willing his fingers not to shake, he presses Jun’s assigned speed dial and waits until the call connects.  
  
It took only two rings before Jun answers.  
  
“Hey,” he says, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the seat, heart pounding hard in his chest.   
  
  
+++  
  
  
More than half an hour later (he thinks), he spies Nino walking out of the gate just as he is ending the call with Jun. It’s difficult to shove his worries away, especially after the not-so-brief conversation he had with Jun but he wills it away for now. Afterall, there’s nothing else he can do to change the course of things just to lessen the complication he has willingly put himself into because doing that means he has to go back to Jun and forget everything he has here with Nino.  
  
But god knows he can’t do that, not now, not even when he’s sure that choosing Nino is going to cost him a lot of things – maybe his job, his career, his friendship with Sho and his relationship with Jun – but even those means so little compared to how fucking alive he feels right now.  
  
It should worry him, at the very least, knowing that there are so many things in his life he’d have to arrange from now but finds that he hardly even bothers. Maybe it is the fact that being here, right next to Nino, with his arms around Nino, his senses filled with Nino and Nino alone makes up for every little scary thing he’d have to face from here on, knowing that he’ll be with Nino anyway.   
  
It is more than enough for him, afterall.  
  
He gets out of the car and walks to meet Nino halfway at the same time he realized Nino’s mother is right at the gate, staring solemnly after her son.  
  
He has his arms around Nino the second Nino is close enough for him to do so, pressing his lips against the side of Nino’s temple, soft and assuring, his arms possessive around Nino’s body. “O-Oh-chan –“  
  
“She wants to talk to me?” he whispers without letting Nino go.  
  
Nino shakes his head, fingers clutched against the front of his shirt. “She doesn’t want me to go,” Nino says. Well, that’s completely understandable, he thinks.  
  
“She thinks you’re –“ Nino pauses here with another shake of his head and his arms tighten around Nino like an automatic reflex. He nods in response, knowing exactly what Nino is referring to even without Nino saying it. “But that’s – you’re - “ Nino follows but he cuts him off with a curt nod.  
  
“I know,” he says, pressing another kiss against the side of Nino’s head, not even the slightest bit ashamed about showing his affection despite the fact that Nino’s mother is just there and is intently watching them. Then, “Well I can’t exactly blame her,” he adds, as he slowly leads Nino back to the front gate of his house. “Everybody’s probably thinking of the same thing now, actually,”  
  
“Where are we –“ Nino hisses when Nino realized belatedly where he is leading him, back to the house. “Oh-chan,”  
  
“I’m going to talk to her,” he says, outright ignoring Nino’s hiss of protests and worming an arm around Nino’s waist to steady him, bowing his head low to greet Nino’s mother when he’s close enough to do so without letting Nino go.   
  
“Kaa-chan,” he mumbles, vaguely aware of how the word sounds and feels so foreign in his tongue despite the fact that he’s used to address her using the same. Bowing twice and meeting her eyes the moment he’s able to do so, he allows himself a tiny smile in lieu of saying something rude, because then the memory of her tear-marred face and the lies she told him about Nino that morning five years ago, about her son leaving him then is making it impossibly hard for him to swallow his anger.   
  
But he has to, he has to; if not for himself or for her, then he’ll do it for Nino. Everything for Nino.  
  
Biting his tongue and willing the bitter memories away, he bows his head once again and lets Nino’s presence sooth his badly wounded but also fastly healing heart, only vaguely amazed at how easy it all seemed like now that he has Nino in his arms.  
  
He turns and he realizes how stiff Nino is next to him, taut like a bow, looking so ready to bolt at any given moment; he chuckles under his breath and pulls Nino in, closer than they’ve ever been and squeezes Nino with all he has. “Your son sure looks like he’s about to fall over and pass out on us, so can we, I don’t know, take this somewhere where Nino can sit down properly while we talk?”  
  
She still looks entirely unconvinced but there’s no way he’s going to back down now, or ever.  
  
“Why don’t we come inside then?” she says, gesturing at the house.   
  
He tightens his grip around Nino’s hip and nods. “After you, Kaa-chan,”  
  
  
+++  
  
Nino catches him around the wrist before he is able to take one step forward to follow Nino’s mother inside.   
  
“Oh-chan, are you sure this is a good idea?” Nino says with a frown, and it’s too easy to track the obvious worry tugging at the corners of Nino’s mouth. He smiles, reaching over to smooth it away with his thumb and enjoying the sight of Nino’s fluttering eyelashes as he leans further into his touch.  
  
“It is,” he says, “we’re going to have to face each other soon eventually, so why not do it now?” he adds, mentally checking this one off of his list. One less thing to worry about, at the very least.  “And anyway, it’s not like I’m here to fight with your mother,” he says, pinching Nino’s chin lightly, teasingly.   
  
“Even though you have all the right to,” Nino says, lowly, lips pinched.  
  
“Don’t say that,” he says, tugging Nino into his arms and dropping another kiss on top of Nino’s head. “I already told you, what’s done is done and I’ve already forgiven you for what you did. So that goes without saying that that includes everything and everyone who were involved in breaking us up,” he says, fingering the corners of Nino’s mouth. Then, softly, teasingly, “I promise I’ll be nice, okay?” he whispers, leaning over to press an even softer kiss against the spot his finger’s just been and hoping it is enough to calm Nino’s worries down.  
  
He smiles and catches the way Nino is trying to smile in return, Nino’s eyes are filled with uncertainty and something else that he finds himself wondering what it means, but then it is gone the next time Nino blinks.   
  
“Fine,” Nino agrees, half-hearted at best but he knows it’s just natural. They haven’t even talked properly, the two of them, but he guesses they can do that now, better with Nino’s family with them. He’d have to address them properly, afterall, tell them his future plans for him and Nino, his desire to stay by Nino’s side from now on. It’s not a bad idea at all, he thinks, more like hitting two birds in one stone, really. “But I won’t be held responsible if she tells you things you don’t expect to hear, and things that might make you hate us –  _me_  – forever,”  
  
He shakes his head determinedly; certain none of Nino’s fears are going to happen. He pulls Nino in and leans in to rub their noses together. “I hate to break it to you, Kazunari,” he whispers, smiles at the way their closeness is making Nino shiver, his eyes dark and heavy-lidded. “but I’m at this point where nothing you say, or anyone in your family for that matter, will make me turn around and leave. I already spent five years of my life in misery because you’re not with me, and there’s no way I’m going to spend even one more minute without you in my life now that I’ve found you again. I  _can’t,_  Nino. And even if I _can_ , I’m not going to. You’d have to be able to come up with something better than that shit to shove me away for good,” he finishes it with a smacking kiss against Nino’s mouth, grinning hugely when Nino is very clearly trying to look put out or annoyed but is simply failing.  
  
“God, how the hell did you become so talkative?” Nino grumbles but otherwise lets himself be kissed thoroughly when he closes the tiny distance between their lips to kiss Nino properly.   
  
“I was  _without_  you for five years, Kazu,” he breathes into Nino’s mouth, fingering the soft skin beneath it before sliding his thumb down to stroke the beauty mark on Nino’s chin. “That’s what happened,”  
  
Nino’s eyes trace his face at the same time Nino’s fingers do. His touch is warm and overwhelmingly familiar, and his voice when he whispers comes out ragged and breathless.  
  
“You  _have_  me now,”  
  
He smiles and nods, squeezing Nino’s waist tight. “Yes. Thank god for that,”  
  
The smile Nino gives him in return is so beautiful it hurts, finding himself charmed and dazzled all over again.   
  
“So you wanna do this?”   
  
He nods, letting Nino go but not entirely, his arm still wrapped around Nino’s waist as Nino leads the way inside.   
  
“Yeah,” he breathes, “Yeah, let’s do this.”

 

+

 

There are already mugs of steaming tea waiting for him and Nino when they went inside, Nino’s mother and sister sitting next to each other on the kotatsu and staring expectantly at him and Nino when they appear by the door.  
  
He still has his arm branded around Nino’s waist and when Nino’s sister’s gaze rivets from his face to the possessive arm he has around her brother, her eyes widen.  
  
“Come on, you two,” Nino’s mother promptly tells them, gesturing with her hand and pointing at the space they left for them. He turns just when Nino heaves a heavy sigh, chuckling under his breath and pulling his arm away only so he can wrap his fingers around Nino’s elbow before he tugs Nino forward.  
  
“There’s tea,” he muses under his breath and feels Nino’s elbow digging almost instantly into his rib. He squeaks indignantly and turns to throw Nino a glare, but finds himself grinning instead when Nino childishly sticks his tongue out at him.   
  
God, just a few hours with Nino and it already feels like the years that passed between them didn’t happen. There’s that bounce in his step that wasn’t there before, feeling so much lighter than he ever remember being during the past five years he was without Nino.  
  
Nino steps forward first and he follows suit, sliding next to Nino when Nino sits in front of his sister.  
  
Nino’s mother pushes the mugs of steaming coffee in front of them and Nino takes both, sliding the other one close to him and nodding. He closes his fingers around the mug and lets the warmth of it seep into his skin.  
  
“So –“ Nino’s mother says, or at least starts to but she stops abruptly when Nino promptly clears his throat, loud enough to wake the neighbors. She levels Nino a gaze that would have been entirely scary if not for the fact that Nino’s gazing back at her with equal intensity. “You want to say something, Kazunari?” she says instead.  
  
“Mom, is this really necessary?” Nino says, “I mean, can’t we let them –“  
  
“You don’t have to tell me that,” she counters just as quickly, “I know what I  _can_  and  _can’t_ say, and I’m pretty sure Satoshi-kun will want to hear the rest once we tell him our side of the story,”  
  
  
  
“I already told him  _our_ side of the story,” Nino says, mouth pursed thinly. “so I don’t think it’s necessary to elaborate on things when he hasn’t –“  
  
“But did you tell him about the shop?” she cuts in, “How and where we get the money to pay for our debts? The money for my treatment?”  
  
“Ka-chan –“   
  
“You haven’t told him, have you?” she says, then, turning to him, she says, “He has to know,”  
  
Nino’s hand finds his without difficulty under the kotatsu, squeezing their palms together as if he needs to be reassured that he’s still there, still sitting right next to Nino. He squeezes Nino’s hand back and leans in closer to Nino before his gaze darts between Nino’s mother and sister.  
  
“So tell me,” he says, speaking for the first time and feeling slightly worried at the tell-tale shudder rocking Nino’s frame.   
  
Her gaze, when she directs it at him, is somewhat melancholy as it is guarded.  
  
“Ka-chan –“ Nino says, his voice coming out like a whine. He chuckles, shifting to his side and leaning in to press a sound kiss into Nino’s ear before turning to Nino’s mother once again.  
  
“Where should I - ?”  
  
He shrugs, tugging his and Nino’s joined hands to pull Nino closer. “From the beginning, Ka-chan,” he says, “Tell me everything I need to know. From the very beginning.”  
  
  
+++  
  
  
  
It took him all of his reserved strength to be able to tug himself away from Nino, careful not to jostle Nino so much as he struggles to crawl out of Nino’s futon where they spent the remaining hours of the night curled around each other.  
  
He had wanted to go back to the hotel but Nino’s mother insisted for him to stay the night, since they’ve finished talking much later than they’d expected and he was obviously too exhausted and sleepy to drive.  Though he wasn’t, not really because his dick certainly had other ideas, but he figured she wouldn’t appreciate it that much if he was to tell her the reason he wanted to go back to the hotel was so he could make love with Nino some more, so he didn’t, biting his tongue and agreeing to stay there for the night, much to the older woman’s quiet delight.   
  
She didn’t even bat an eyelash when Nino tugged him upstairs to his room, which, Nino told him later on with a sheepish smile that the entire second floor belonged to him now. He grinned and pushed Nino against the nearest wall when he was certain Nino’s mother was already nowhere in sight and kissed him right then and there, his hands tender on Nino’s face. He would have wanted to do so much more when they reached the privacy of Nino’s room but for propriety’s sake, he held off doing anything to Nino and simply indulged himself with a few toe-curling kisses, holding Nino close until they both fell asleep.  
  
It’s almost seven now and he is wide awake, already missing the warmth Nino’s body left against his skin, tempted to crawl right back and spoon behind Nino but he holds himself. He needs to be somewhere before nine and staying here with Nino will only make him want to hold off meeting his parents.   
  
That’s another thing he certainly wants removed from his list so he can move on to the more pressing issues.   
  
He heaves a sigh, trying to hold off touching Nino but it’s difficult. It’s hard enough to be here, to be this close to Nino and not touch him, kiss him, feel the warm exhalation of Nino’s breath when they kiss. He has to hold himself because he knows he won’t be able to stop once he starts and this isn’t the proper place nor the right time to think about satisfying his hunger for Nino when there’s somewhere else he needs to be.  
  
Nino shifts to his side then and like this, he has a perfect view of Nino’s sleeping face. This close, it’s too easy to spot the changes on Nino’s face the way he wasn’t able to before, but even despite that, it still doesn’t make Nino any less beautiful. For him, Nino is, and will always be the most beautiful person he has ever laid his eyes on.  
  
“I love you,” he whispers, giving in to the urge this time by reaching over and pressing his palm against Nino’s cheek. Nino barely twitches, still fast asleep and he figures he’d have to leave without waking Nino.  _I tired him out_ , he thinks, amused at how lewd it actually sounded even in his own head as he reaches up to smooth the unhappy frown tugging at the corners of Nino’s mouth.  
  
He leans down and presses a kiss into the side of Nino’s lips, repeating the action twice and pushing Nino’s bangs away from his eyes before he pulls away.  
  
“I’ll see you in a few hours, Nino,” he whispers, barely able to resist the urge to kiss Nino one more time before he heads straight to the door.  
  
  
+++  
  
He wonders if he should probably find Nino’s mother or sister just to tell him he needs to go but it turns out he doesn’t need to. Nino’s mother is already waiting for him downstairs with two steaming mugs placed neatly on the counter table - tea for her and coffee for him, cradling Kazuri who looks adorably sleepy on her lap.  
  
“Good morning, Kaa-chan,” he greets her with a genuine smile and a bow, only vaguely surprised to find that he no longer feels even the slightest bit upset whenever he looks at her. The talk they did the night before really helped and for that he is glad.  
  
“You’re up early,” she says, her eyes questioningly bright. “I thought you’re here for a few days break? Urgent work?”  
  
He shakes his head and takes the mug of coffee he was offered and takes a healthy sip. It is strong, with just the right amount of sweetness. He smiles, glad that she still knows how he takes his coffee.   
  
“I’m going to go visit my parents,” he says, simply.   
  
“Ah, yes, I remember you mentioned that last night. I was actually thinking what kind of a delinquent son you are for not going straight to see your parents first,” she jokes, though the abrupt change in her tone tells him she’s suddenly worried about something. He wonders if it’s alright to ask her but he doesn’t want to be rude so he bites his tongue and takes another sip of his coffee instead.  
  
“I came here to see Nino,” he says, once he’s put the mug down, meeting her eyes straight on. “Well, them too but the reason I came was to see Nino, so I went here first,” he says, then, like an afterthought. “I’m glad I did,”  
  
Her smile, he notes absently, is indulgingly fond and amuse. Well, he can’t exactly blame her; he knows he’s acting like a lovesick fool even in front of Nino’s family that it’s actually disgusting but.   
  
But the thing is he doesn’t really care and that’s that.  
  
“Who would have thought that you –“ she pauses here, smile still in place, “that you’d still care deeply for my son even after five years of pain shared silently between you two? I thought you and Kazu are done forever. I mean… this is surprising, honestly,”  
  
He shakes his head. “That’s what I thought too,” he agrees.   
  
“So, you’re planning on staying here for good?”  
  
He shrugs. It’s an enticing idea, really, but his life is in Tokyo now. Where he’ll make sure Nino’s will be too, soon. “Even if I want to, I can’t, Ka-chan,” he says, putting his mug down and reaching over to run his fingers through Kazuri’s hair. She is squinting at him in that adorable way that children does, and when she smiles and tries to hide her giggles against the front of her grandma’s blouse, he grins.   
  
She really does look like Nino and it’s adorable.   
  
“Do you, perhaps, have someone waiting for you back in Tokyo?” she asks quite abruptly and he swears he almost chokes on nothing when he realizes what he’s being asked. He gazes at her and somehow, he realizes the reason why she’s here, why it feels like she’s literally cornered him. “So you have,” she says, more like a confirmation than a question. He doesn’t answer.  
  
“I gather Kazu’s not aware?” she says. He shakes his head. “You haven’t told him,” she adds, then, “Do you have any intention to?”  
  
“Of course,” he says, very quickly that it must be funny only it isn’t. “Just. I want to settle everything between me and that person first before I tell Nino,”  
  
“And when you said ‘ _settle_ ’, it means?”  
  
“Breaking up with him,” he answers without missing a beat.  
  
“And you didn’t think of doing that before you went ahead and –“  
  
“As I said, I didn’t expect this,” he says, suddenly feeling awry, worried. He wants to tell her so many things now, assure her that the last thing he wants is to hurt Nino but it’s going to be really difficult, especially now that she has all the reason to doubt him and his intentions. “I admit – and I already told Nino this – that the reason I decided to come here was to see Nino one last time but all of that went flying out the damn window the moment I saw Nino again,”  
  
“I don’t… I’m not sure if I can trust you not to hurt my son now that I –“  
  
“I know, I _know_ ,” he counters, feeling the nervous fluttering inside his chest as he slowly drops on his knees. “It’s a little complicated and it’s not going to get better anytime soon but you have to trust me on this, Ka-chan, please? I… I never thought I’d ever feel  this way, not after those five miserable years but somehow, seeing Nino again and being with him simply proves that  _I_  can be happy again, that  _we_ can be happy again, together. Please don’t take that chance away from us, please, I’m begging you,”  
  
“I’m not going to,” she says, “I lost all the right to do that to you, or to my son, the moment I agreed to that blasted plan five years ago,” she says, then, “But this doesn’t mean I’m going to turn a blind eye knowing how badly this will hurt my son in the end,”  
  
“You don’t have to,” he tells her, reaching over to take her hands in his. “I swear, you don’t have to because there’s no way that is going to happen. I’m not going to hurt your son, Ka-chan,” he says, “I have no intention to. He’s – Nino’s my life, and I love him so much, you should be able to realize that now,”  
  
She wriggles her hand free from his grasp only so she can touch his face.   
  
“I have,” she says, and he swears she never sounded sure and trusting till now. He closes his eyes and leans further into her hand. And in a low, almost imploring tone, she adds, “Don’t make me regret it,”  
  
He shakes his head. “You won’t. I promise you won’t,”  
  
  
+++  
  
  
An hour later, he is pulling over to the front of his parents’ house. It has been almost three years since the last time he was here, because he prefers it better to have his parents over to visit him instead of the other way around. And though it had been too long, he notices that everything from around here still looks fairly the same from the last time he’d been here.   
  
He turns the ignition off and wills his fingers to stop shaking, reminding himself that no matter what happens, his decision to be with Nino from now on won’t change.   
  
He takes his phone out and types a quick message to Nino, shoving it back into his pants’ pocket before he lets himself out of the car.  
  
  
+++  
  
  
His phone vibrating from his pocket startles him, finds himself stumbling to put the tray of empty bowls down at the same time he fishes around for his phone. He doesn’t bother checking who the message is from, simply sliding his thumb across the screen to unlock it.  
  
 _Sorry I wasn’t able to say goodbye. You were sleeping peacefully and I didn’t want to wake you. Anyway, I’ll be back after a few hours. Until then, save your strength because I’ll make sure to tire you out, again, when I come back._  
  
 _Also, pack an overnight bag. I’ve already asked your mother’s permission to kidnap you for a day or two and she agreed, so long as I promise I’ll return you back in the same condition. Well, I said I’ll try my best but I’m not sure if she will count the hickeys that will end up scattered all over your body. Anyway, I’ll just put them where she can’t see them. Good plan, huh?_  
  
 _See you later?_  
  
 _PS. I miss you already. I can’t wait to be inside you as soon as possible._  
  
  
He finds himself feeling warm to the tips of his toes, the memory of the day before alternately makes him squirm and blush awfully red as he tries to shake the memory away. It’s difficult but he manages, only vaguely thankful that the shop is half-filled with customers and it’s a bit easier to focus his attention to his work and not think about the way his body shivers uncontrollably beneath Ohno’s careful hands, the way he moans and arches and whimpers when Ohno pounds into him time and time again.  
  
A customer from the table Ohno once occupied when he came here a day ago waves, and he smiles, slowly walks towards the customer with the copy of their breakfast menu and his pen and paper ready in hand.  
  
“Good morning, Sir,” he greets, bowing his head a little, before sliding the breakfast menu to the table. “Do you want to take a look at the menu first or do you want me to wait –“  
  
“You’re Ninomiya-san, right?” the customer says. He blinks, unsure whether to say yes or to simply walk away. It’s not like it’s the first time a customer asks for his name but it’s certainly the first time someone who looks painfully like a celebrity even bothered to ask for it. He wonders if he’s a reporter, maybe he’s here for the ramen?  
  
The man’s eyes trace his face intently and for the life of him, he wonders why he suddenly feels like cheap merchandise on display.  
  
“Um, do I know you Sir?” he asks, trying his hardest to be polite despite the nagging desire to ask the man to stop staring.  
  
“No, I’m most certain you don’t,” the man says, but he does take something out from his expensive-looking jacket and hands it over to him.   
  
It’s a business card.  
  
He takes it without a word and stares at the elegant script written there.  
  
“My name is Matsumoto Jun,” the man stands up as he introduces himself with a slight bow, and Nino does the same almost on autopilot.   
  
“And I am Ohno Satoshi’s live-in partner.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was an Interlude posted before this chapter. I skipped that one but I'll be posting it separately.

He is in the middle of toeing off his shoes when a painfully familiar voice greets him from inside the house.  
  
It’s his mother.  
  
“Good morning,” he says and watches her as she walks the short way towards him and she indulges her with two sound kisses on the cheek when she’s close enough for him to do so. He takes note of the fact that despite the obvious joy on her face, she doesn’t look the least bit surprised upon seeing him.  
  
He frowns but doesn’t say anything until she pulls away. “I saw the car outside,” she says by way explanation, as if she knew exactly what he is thinking. Maybe she did. “it’s the one you always rent out when you come over for a visit so I waited until I heard you open the door before I come out,”  
  
“I thought I could surprise you,” he says drily, “that’s why I didn’t park the car in the garage,”  
  
His mother takes his hands on hers and pats him comfortingly. “Oh well, it’s because I also knew you were coming,”  
  
He freezes. It probably took him a few seconds to recover enough to turn to her and says, “H-How did you know that? Did someone tell you –“  
  
“Well, yes,” his mother says, “Jun-kun did,”  
  
Oh, damn it all to hell.  
  
  
+++  
  
  
His mother steers him to the direction of the living room and leaves him there with a curt, “I’ll make coffee,” before she disappears into the kitchen. He is honestly torn between staying and leaving at once, vaguely worried about the sudden tightness in his chest and wondering what is causing it.  
  
She comes back a few minutes later with two steaming mugs – coffee for him and tea for her – putting them carefully on the table before she sits opposite him.  
  
He takes the mug and samples a sip as his gaze meet hers, watching her do the same.  
  
When she puts her tea down, he clears his throat. “There’s something I want to talk to you about,” he says, for starters. She nods her head in answer but doesn’t say anything. Then, like an afterthought, “Is Tou-chan not here?”  
  
She shakes her head. “There’s an urgent conference in Bangkok,” she says, “he flew there last night together with the other board members,” she explains.   
  
He nods and takes another healthy sip of his coffee. “It’s fine, I guess,” he mumbles, unsure if it is, really. He came here to talk to both his parents afterall, but he guesses talking to his mother would be enough to answer his questions.  
  
“So what was it you want to talk to me about again?” she repeats, prompting him.  
  
He clears his throat and tries his best not to waver when he meets her gaze straight on and says,   
  
“It’s about Nino,”  
  
  
  
+++  
  
  
More than two hours later, he’s back in his car, head buried in between his hands against the steering wheel. He manages to drive a few blocks away from their house despite the combined anger and confusion shaking him to the core, recounting every word his mother had said and wondering what in hell he is supposed to do about it.  
  
“What about him?” his mother had said, “I’m guessing the reason you’re here is because you already talked to him,”  
  
He remembers staring at her as if he wasn’t sure if he was talking to his mother or to a completely different person altogether, with the way her tone changed as was the expression on her face.   
  
“Yes, I did,” he remembers answering, “but there are things that are still terribly unclear,”  
  
“Such as?”  
  
“You guys’ involvement in all of it,” he remembers answering straight to the point, without missing a beat. “I was told you were the ones who helped them pay back the debts Nino’s father left them,” he said; his mother remained strangely quiet. “Plus Nino’s mother’s medication… and the shop too,”  
  
“So what about it,” she’d answered, simply.     
  
“I want to know why you went through all that trouble for them,” he’d said, his confusion making it even more difficult to decipher his mother’s intentions.   
  
“It’s not much of a trouble,” his mother had said, dropping her gaze then. “They’re like family, you and Ninomiya-kun grew up together, so were your sister and Ninomiya-kun’s sister,”  
  
He remembers pursing his lips then, trying to read through her words but failing, especially when he’s sure that that’s not all there was to it.  
  
“Then if that’s the case, how come all their properties are registered under yours and Tou-chan’s names now?” he said and he swore it was the first time he saw her genuinely shaken up. He continued.   
  
“H-How did you –“  
  
“I called someone to check it for me before I came here,” he returned, “now will you please explain this all to me? I want to understand why you had to go through all that trouble to cover up the fact that you simply want to break us up, me and Nino, when you know how much I love Nino,”  
  
“I didn’t –“  
  
“You  _did,_  Ka-chan,” he had cut in quickly, not even giving her the chance to lie to his face this time. “Nino came to you and asked you for help and you outright gave him a few choices he couldn’t refuse. Not that there’s anything an eighteen-year-old, unemployed and struggling boy could do in such difficult circumstance but I figured since we were the only ones they could turn to for help, Nino came on to you. You agreed, of course, told him you’d help them, financially, but with certain conditions; I’m not sure what those are because Nino and his mother wouldn’t say it but I have some ideas – ugly ones, to be honest, so ugly that I don’t think I even want to address them out loud because I know you’re not that kind of person. That you can’t do that, won’t even think of doing that, not to me, not to Nino and –“  
  
“They should have thought a hundred times about coming onto me for help, not after what Ninomiya-kun’s sister did to your sister,” was what she said, her tone filled with thinly-veiled venom that he honestly felt the hair at the back of his head stand on end.   
  
“W-What?” he’d said, watching the bitter smile graced the corner of his mother’s lips. “What are you –“  
  
She shook her head at him and gave him the faintest of smiles that honestly made his insides churn.  
  
“You didn’t know it because you were so focused on Ninomiya-kun,” she had said, taking his hand and squeezing it. “You were so blinded by that stupid love of yours that you didn’t see how I had to fight tooth and nail just to save your sister from her early grave for what Ninomiya-kun’s sister did to her!”  
  
“Ka-chan, what –“  
  
She cracked a smile and he swore the look on her face terrified him even more.   
  
“Ask them what they did, go ahead, I dare you,” she had said, “ask Ninomiya-kun’s mother how she’d resolved to turning a blind eye on what her daughter was doing then despite knowing she was hurting someone else. Go on, Satoshi, I dare you,”  
  
“I don’t understand –“  
  
“Of course you don’t,” she had countered, “You came here wanting answers but you’re asking the wrong questions, Satoshi,” she had said, her voice dropping low. “You want me to tell you why I made Ninomiya-kun that deal, fine,” she said, then “It’s because I want him  _out_  of your life,” she said, simply. He gasped, feeling like all the air had been temporarily robbed off of him.  
  
“You want me to tell you why I made them believe I helped them pay for their debts, for Ninomiya-kun’s mother’s treatment, for everything, when after that, all I did was to sign all their properties to our name? Well, it’s business, for one; because come on, I’m not that stupid to lend them money that they obviously wouldn’t be able to pay back without any kind of collateral, am I? The debt alone was huge enough to cost them their house, and then add the hospital fees and the treatments in there too. You think they’ll be able to pay it back using their earnings from the shop? It’s impossible. It’s not even earning enough to support them,”  
  
“Then why –“  
  
“I did it because I’m a mother too, Satoshi,” she cut in, feeling even more confused than he was minutes ago, wondering how he would understand what she was saying when she opted on giving him bits and pieces instead of what he wished to know.   “and that time, I saw it as an opportunity to get even, to hurt them the way they hurt your sister. You can hate me all you want, I’ll understand, but you have to know that I did it for you as much as for your sister,” was the last thing he told him before she stood and left him.  
  
Everything is a jumbled mess in his head, and he’s quite sure it’s not going to get better soon. He wants to know more but his mother chose to shut him off, and even his sister wouldn’t answer his calls when he tried.  
  
Though a part of him aches seeing the genuine pain on his mother’s face, he can’t help but wonder what had happened between his sister and Nino’s sister that had made his mother so angry, enough for her to act the way she did, enough for her to decide on the things she did five years ago. She had said that she couldn’t stand the sight of his sister hurting, broken and miserable, and right then and there, he had wanted to tell her,  _“So you instead chose to hurt me, just to make her happy, is that it?”_  because that’s exactly what the end result was.  
  
His mother planned her revenge for the way Nino’s sister had hurt his own sister, for the way his sister had her heart broken by (probably) Nino’s sister, but in turn, their mother didn’t realize that her actions had caused her youngest child the same fate, the same misery and pain when she offered Nino a deal Nino couldn’t refuse.  
  
Everything is so damn complicated now, but even now, even after everything he’s been told, he is certain his feelings haven’t changed. He still wants to be with Nino and that’s that. His mother can oppose all she wants but a part of him also knows she wouldn’t, not anymore, and even if she will, he’s old enough to know what he wants and mature enough to fight hard to have it.   
  
Maybe now he can ask the other side of the story from Nino, maybe this time they will answer him. It may still not be enough to clear everything, but at least now, he has a solid proof that Nino didn’t choose to break his heart then, and that Nino never would have chosen it if there was any way to avoid it.  
  
The only thing he regrets now is the years he spent in misery because he and Nino weren’t together.  
  
But it’ll be better now, he assures himself; nothing and no one is going to hinder his desire to be with Nino and he’ll bet his own life this time around just to make it happen.  
  
He takes his phone and unlocks the screen, only vaguely surprised to realize that Nino hasn’t answered his text yet. Without a second thought, he dials Nino’s number, slaps the phone into his left ear and waits for the call to connect, then pauses, taking his phone back and staring at the screen before slapping it back against his ear.  
  
 _The number you are calling is temporarily unavailable. Please call again later._  
  
 _The number you are calling is temporarily unavailable. Please call again later._  
  
“What the hell?”

 

+

 

He feels a little dizzy, and the room feels like it’s spinning the moment the man’s words sink in and he almost doubles over if not for the hand shooting out to grab him, realizes it is the other man’s steadying grip around his wrist. He wonders if the man can see how fucking shocked he is, but it’s hard to tell when the expression on the man’s face barely changes.   
  
Aside from the slight lilt at the corners of the man’s mouth, his expression remains the same as he keep Nino from wavering on his feet, and only letting him go when the man is sure he’s not about the fall over.   
  
“Um, are you okay?” the man, Matsumoto-san, asks, and gives him a smile that looks particularly vexing, though he’s not sure why he feels that it is. “I guess it’s never an easy thing, meeting the person your ex is currently dating, huh?”  
  
“I – w-what?" he pauses to clear his throat, his hand unconsciously reaching for his phone he'd stashed inside his jean's pocket. "I'm sorry, I don’t think I understand what you -” he says in lieu of saying something wholly embarrassing, like yelling at the man to leave at once because he can’t, because despite the fact that he’s not sure who this man is, he sure sounded like he knows what he is talking about, then pauses when the other man gives him a look that speaks volume.  
  
“You’re Satoshi’s ex-boyfriend, right? And ex-bestfriend too, if I may add,” Matsumoto-san says, sounding anything but stately as he goes back down to sit, crossing his legs and folding his arms over his muscled chest; there’s a smile playing at the corners of Matsumoto-san’s pretty mouth that tells him he’s either enjoying this or he’s just good at covering his annoyance with a fucking perfect smile. “Oh, I’m sorry if you think I was insinuating something when I mentioned about you meeting me,” Matsumoto-san adds, looking and sounding entirely unapologetic.   
  
“I wasn’t, not really.. and it’s not my intention to make you feel uncomfortable, I swear,” Matsumoto-san says, “and I apologize if it came out like I was, if it sounded like I’m doing it on purpose. I honestly didn’t mean that. I just came by to introduce myself since I wasn’t able to do so because we weren’t able to stop by here last time when Satoshi and I came to visit his parents,”  
  
His breath catches in his throat. “I – what?”  
  
  
“Well, Satoshi told me a lot of things about you,” Matsumoto-san says, darting his gaze between Nino’s face and to some random spot in the shop behind him. He pauses and gives Nino another smile that makes his insides twitch with uncertainty.  
  
“So many things that honestly confused the fuck out of me during the first few months of being with him but meeting you personally, seeing you upclose like this now, I guess I kinda get it,”  
  
He doesn’t really know how to answer that, or what to answer really, so he doesn’t bother. He just stays dutifully still, a million and one thoughts running through his head as Matsumoto-san tilts his head and says,  
  
“Say, are you free to go out for a bit? I saw a coffee shop a few blocks away from here when I was driving around trying to find a parking space, maybe you can join me? If you’re not that busy, that is. I just. I want to thank you properly for being such a good sport and for talking to Satoshi when he came by here yesterday,” Matsumoto-san says, looking so calm and collected, and the complete opposite of what Nino is feeling at the moment.  
  
“I – that’s not really necessary,” he stutters out, grasping the pen and paper tightly in one hand while the other he absently uses to fish around for his phone.   
  
“But I insist,” Matsumoto-san says, “just one cup? Please, Ninomiya-san? I mean, I have so many things to ask you about Satoshi, since I’m pretty sure you know him better than most people, what with the fact that you guys grew up together and –“  
  
God, is this guy serious? “B-But if you’re really together,” he pauses here, lifting his head and meeting the man's eyes, swallows around the lump that has formed in his throat, vaguely wondering why he’s even tolerating this when he can just tell the man off, ask him to leave and call Ohno immediately just so he could ask him what the fuck is happening.   
  
But he can’t, and he’s pretty sure it has everything to do with the fact that he wants to know it himself, who this man is, why he’s here and if he is really Ohno’s partner like he claimed he is, why he suddenly decided to come meet Nino personally today of all days.  
  
And why he’s here alone when he could have just waited until Ohno is back so they could meet Nino together.  
  
But then again, if this man is telling the truth, then it goes without saying that Ohno had lied to him and that everything Ohno had told him, them, were nothing but lies.  
  
It sure feels like his heart just plummets to the ground and he swears he’s this close to leaving the man behind if not for the fact that he’s too angry to even walk away. He wants to know what this man wants, tell him what he wants to know and get it over and done with.   
  
But in the end, he realizes he doesn’t have the right to get angry, not at all, not really, and even if this man’s claims are true, and even if this means Ohno had lied to them all, he guesses that’s just how it is and there's nothing he can do but accept it. The momentary rage is just that, short and momentary, and the pain that lingers in place of it is stronger than it’s ever been.   
  
“then you should know that  _Oh-c_  – Ohno and I haven’t been in contact with each other for more than a couple of years already,” he grits out. Matsumoto-san’s smile is blindingly bright he can’t help but cringe upon seeing it.  
  
“Well, I’m pretty sure his mannerisms and all those other stuffs he’s used to do as a kid remains unchanged,” Matsumoto-san says, then, “It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about your past relationship with him, what you did together, how he was as a boyfriend before you guys broke up because, I mean, it’s kind of awkward, I know and I’m not going to force you to. But maybe you can tell me how he was as a friend? His silly antics, because I’m pretty sure there were a lot, maybe tell me a few of those embarrassing events that only you have the opportunity to witness?” Matsumoto-san says and Nino wonders how far this man is going to go just to convince him.   
  
But he guesses he doesn’t need him to.  
  
He takes his phone out of his pocket and doesn’t bother looking at the screen as he swipes his thumb to unlock it, before pressing the off-button fiercely.  
  
“You were talking about the La Vie Café, right?” he asks, pocketing his phone again at the same time Matsumoto-san nods his head in answer. “Okay, let me just tell my sister I’m going out for a bit and I’ll follow you there,”  
  
Matsumoto-san smiles at him again. “No, I’d rather wait for you; we’ll drive there since it’s a little far. Then I’ll drive you  back here again, no problem,”  
  
Really fucking insistent. He sighs in defeat and bows his head, mumbling, “Alright, just give me a sec,” before he turns around.  
  
  
+++  
  
  
They are in the car and he is in the middle of strapping himself in when a midnight bag catches his attention, the pair of shoes and blue-colored fliplops next to it and a sketchbook lying innocently at the backseat.  
  
Matsumoto-san caught him looking. “Ah, that’s Satoshi’s stuff,” he says by way of explanation as he starts the car. “He called last night to tell me he’d have to stay in for a few days but then I realized he didn’t bring enough clothes with him, not to mention shoes, so I decided to come by and bring them to him, also to surprise him, you know?” Matsumoto-san says, still unsuspectingly calm and the complete opposite of what he is at the moment.   
  
His thoughts are in chaos, and it doesn’t help that every little thing about this points to the fact that this man isn’t lying. But there’s this tiny part of him who wants to believe in Ohno, of everything Ohno said and promised him the night before but it is being overcome with pain that he’s not sure how to deal with everything anymore.  
  
He finds himself nodding in response despite not knowing what he’s agreeing to anymore, fingers clutching the fabric of his worn out jeans as he stares at the road ahead.  
  
Next to him, he realizes Matsumoto-san has just put his phone on speaker, calling someone while driving.  
  
He swears his heart has just started beating its way out of his chest the moment a familiar voice came through.  
  
 _Hello?_  
  
It’s none other than Ohno.  
  
“Satoshi, hey,” Matsumoto-san greets with a smile and gives him a sideway glance.   
  
 _Jun, I heard you talked to my mother, what – where are you?_  
  
He swears he wants to take his gaze elsewhere but it’s difficult, as he opts on watching Matsumoto-san from the corners of his eyes.   
  
“Guess where?” Matsumoto-san answers playfully.   
  
 _Tell me_.  
  
“You won’t believe it if I –“  
  
 _Jun, just tell me, please._  
  
Matsumoto-san shakes his head and he swears he looks exasperatedly fond than anything. “I was actually going to surprise you,” Matsumoto-san says. “Sho-san kindly booked me a flight last night after we talked so now I’m here –“  
  
 _Jun, didn’t I say we are going to talk once I come back? I said that, right? You remember?_  
  
A beat. “Well, why wait until you come back when I could just come to see you, yeah?” Matsumoto-san counters, and though he is still smiling, Nino notes the fact that it’s somewhat a little tight around the edges and honestly a little terrifying.  
  
 _Where are you exactly right now? Tell me so I can come pick you up._  
  
“No need, Sho-san made reservations already and had also kindly rented out a car for me,” Matsumoto-san answers, turning to him and giving him a wink. “I’m actually driving right now, on our way to a coffee shop nearby,”  
  
 _On your way – who’s with you? Sho-kun?_  
  
Nino wonders if Matsumoto-san can hear the way his heart thrums noisily inside his ribcage, feels the way his hands shakes when Matsumoto-san huffs out a laugh and says,   
  
“No, I’m with Ninomiya-san,” Matsumoto-san says. “You remember him right? Your ex - um, bestfriend? I came by to their shop and invited him out for coffee. I hope it’s okay. You’re welcome to join us if you’re free.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First part was posted as another Interlude, exactly what happened in Chapters 10 and 11, from Jun's end.

**Interlude**

 

His fingers tighten around his phone. "A few days?" he repeats, only slightly wondering if he somehow heard it wrong. But then Ohno is saying,  _Yeah, most probably_ , and his heart does that thump thump thing in his chest that he knows has something to do with how awfully different Ohno's voice sounded like.  
  
"But you didn't even bring enough clothes to -"  
  
 _I'll manage_ , is what Ohno says, so quickly that he's starting to feel kind of restless, worried to be honest.  _I'm sure I have a few clothes left at home so I'll just... yeah, it'll be fine, don't worry._  
  
"It's not like I'm worried," he lies, feeling like throwing his phone up against the wall and frowning at the email about a hotel booking confirmation when he opened Sho-kun's account a little while ago. "It's just that I was expecting you'd be here by tomorrow evening since, you know, we have a party to attend to the next day," he says, though he's not really paying attention to Ohno's answer now as he clicks on the email and sees Ohno's name written there.   
  
 _Is it okay if I pass this one?,_ Ohno mumbles from the other end,  _I mean, it's fine, right? You can go alone, or if you don't want to, you can take Sho-kun with you._  
  
He checks the email one more time and is clicking the forward mail button before he can stop himself, something hot and fierce bubbles in his chest.  
  
"I see," he replies, then, "Fine, I'll check with Sho-kun if he's available. I'll let you know,"  
  
 _And Jun-chan?,_  Ohno calls, voice unusually soft, almost breathy.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
 _I... When I come back, there's something I want to talk to you about..._  
  
He huffs out a hollow laugh, fingers finding the front of his chest where his heart is beating unsteadily underneath. He feels like crying, finding it so hard to swallow around the lump in his throat knowing exactly what it is Ohno is  referring to now.   
  
He closes his eyes and swallows his sobs down and says, "Jesus, are you okay? You're scaring me, what is it about?"  
  
  
A beat, then,  _We'll talk when I come back... until then, just... take care of yourself, yeah?_  
  
He knows he's this close to screaming but he has to force himself still, has to swallow the urge down because he knows there's no way he's going to win this if he's not going to act smart.   
  
"Fine, whatever," he says, "See you in a few days, then, yeah?"  
  
 _In a few days, yes._  
  
"Right. I love you," he says.  
  
Another longer pause.  _I know. Bye, Jun,_  Ohno whispers, lowly, before he hangs up.  
  
He swears his heart is already in pieces when his phone hits the floor at the same time he buries his face in between his hands, muffling his sobs against them.  
  
  
  
  
  
Sho sounded extremely shocked when he told the older man his plans to follow Ohno.  
  
 _"But - are you sure? I mean, didn't Satoshi-kun said he'll be here by tomorrow evening?"_  Sho says, and god, he wonders why these men think he's that stupid not to know that they're lying to him. Well, he can't exactly blame Sho because he's pretty sure he's just following instructions but to hell with it because Sho isn't just working for Ohno, he is working for him too so he really finds it annoying that they're conspiring behind his back.  
  
He's just glad he has access to Sho's emails too (without him knowing it, of course) because if not, god, he wouldn't be able to properly sleep at night knowing they might be doing stupid things that he's not aware of.  
  
He wedges his phone in between his neck and shoulder and starts putting stuffs into his overnight bag - shirts and pants, towel, underpants - all are Ohno's stuffs as he locates his keys.   
  
"He won't be coming back tomorrow, Sho-san," he answers, outright ignoring Sho's distinct sputtering from the other end and vaguely remembering Ohno's shoes, then grabbing one of the empty sketchbook too. "So be a darling and book me a flight there, preferably tonight or early tomorrow morning. And a car too, if you please,"  
  
 _"But Matsumoto-san, what about the contract signing at the party -"_ Sho is saying but he is cutting him off before Sho even manages to finish.  
  
"Well have to reschedule that," he counters quickly and biting his tongue before he even manages to stutter out something wholly inappropriate, like, I don't care about that fucking contract when I'm about to lose the person I love, so go shove it.  
  
"You heard me, Sho-san?" he prompts when he's sure Sho didn't respond.  
  
A beat, and hears an almost strained response from Sho. "Loud and clear, Matsumoto-san,"  
  
"Good. I'm going to hang up now okay? Just mail me the details of my itinerary and I'll email you back once I get it," he says, "Thanks for your help, Sho-san," is the last thing he tells Sho before he hangs up.  
  
He stands there, the printout of Ninomiya's family restaurant location in one hand and Ninomiya's blurred photo in the other.  
  
"If you think I'm going down without a fight, Ninomiya-san, then you're clearly wrong," he tells the photo of an obviously younger Ninomiya before shoving it into the pockets of his jacket.  
  
  
  
  
He just let himself in the car when he remembered to phone Ohno's mother.  
  
It's only a little over six but he's sure the older woman is already awake, as what most people not living in the city are used to.  
  
It takes only three rings before someone answers. "Ka-chan?" he says when the older woman's voice came through, "as, sorry for calling so early, this is Jun," he greets; the older woman sounded wholly delighted when she answers.   
  
"I'm really sorry, I just, I want to ask if Satoshi has came by to visit? No? Well, that's odd," he says, pausing when the older man asks what he means. "Well he flew  back yesterday morning, and since I realized I have nothing else scheduled for me for the next couple of days, I decided to follow him. I'm actually at the airport now, I just landed half an hour ago,"  
                       
 _Then you should come visit us_ , is what the older woman says, and he smiles.   
  
"I will, but Satoshi might visit you first. I'll try to come by this evening, if I can,"  
  
 _Okay, Jun-kun, I'll see you then._  
  
"See you, Ka-chan," he says and hangs up.  
  
He takes the crumpled print out of the Ninomiya family restaurant and squints at it.  
  
"I'll see you in a few, Ninomiya-san," he murmurs, throwing the crumpled paper aside and starts the car.   
  
  
  
  
  
He watches the man hops around the place with an almost ear-splitting grin, and finds himself swallowing bile and the urge to round the way towards the man as quickly as his feet would allow him and punch the hell out of the man's face but wisely holds himself.   
  
Be smart, he tells himself, and opts to wait until the man is turning his way before he raises his hand high enough to get the man's attention. The man bows and retrieves something from the counter, says something to the lady manning the register that made the lady giggle before the man saunters off to where he is.  
  
He keep his gaze locked on the man's face, observing, checking the man's features even from the distance. He still looks the same as he does in the photo, the one he found tucked neatly on one of Ohno's sketchbooks, the one he stole and had kept hidden in his wallet eversince he and Ohno moved in together.   
  
"Good morning, Sir," the man greets with a tiny bow of his head and sliding a menu towards him. "Do you want to take a look at the menu first or do you want me to wait -"  
  
He knows he must be creeping the man out with how intensely he is staring but he can't help it. There is something so different with him, something that makes him feel entirely unworthy of being with Ohno despite seeing how simple and ordinary-looking the man is upclose. Then something caught his eyes, patches of red marring the man's collarbones that he didn't bother hiding, and he swears his chest feels like it is being squeezed hard by a thousand invisible fists that he can hardly breath.  
  
"You're Ninomiya-san, right?" he says the first thing that came to mind, feeling vaguely stupid for even asking it the minute the words left his mouth. Of course it's him, he has his picture afterall.  
  
The man simply looks utterly confused, if not wary. "Um, do I know you, Sir?"  
  
He shakes his head and mutters, "No, I'm most certain you don't," he says, before he fishes around his pocket and takes out a business card before handing it over. Ninomiya takes it without a word, gaze on the business card and thus gives him the opportunity to check the man out for as long as he can, fingers shaking something bad at the sight of Ninomiya's bruised lips and the obvious confusion written all over Ninomiya's eyes as he reads his name.  
  
It's clear; Ninomiya has no idea who he is.   
  
He stands up and bows his head a little. "My name is Matsumoto Jun," he introduces himself, barely seeing the way Ninomiya bows his head in return. He swallows hard and gazes straight into Ninomiya's eyes, willing his voice not to shake as he says,   
  
"And I am Ohno Satoshi's live-in partner."

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------

 

Chapter 12

 

He swears he almost crashes his car into a lamppost when Jun’s words finally sink in, and barely manages to hit the brakes before he does so. He drops his phone and vaguely hears Jun’s,  _Hey are you okay? Satoshi?,_  as he maneuvers his car to the side of the road to pull over.  
  
He grabs his phone and stutters a breathless “I’m fine!”, heart thudding hard in his ribcage and fingers shaking something bad around their grip on his phone. He has to breath a couple of times to calm himself, terrified for a moment knowing that Nino is somewhere he doesn’t want to be and he can’t get to him fast enough to take him away.  
  
He’s not sure why Jun is doing this, why Jun has to follow him and most of all why he is with Nino now when he’d kindly asked Jun to wait for him till he gets back so they could talk, but he’s got some idea. He doesn’t want to jump into conclusions, he really doesn’t, but it’s difficult to keep his fears (and his annoyance, to be honest) reined in when it is pretty sure the reason Jun is here is because Jun is aware of his immediate plan to break up with the younger man once he gets back to Tokyo.  
  
And it’s not like he can blame Jun, because he can’t, not at all; Jun being here right now only cemented his desire to make things right, for himself, for Jun, and most of all for Nino.  
  
 _Hello, Satoshi, are you still there?,_  Jun calls, sounding a little distressed, worried. God, how the hell did everything become so fucking complicated in just a matter of hours?  He’s so torn that he’s not sure what to do, or what to say, but what he’s sure of is that Jun and Nino together right now is the worst thing that could happen, and it already did so he has to do something, anything, fast, before this spirals into something he can no longer control.  
  
“I – yes,” he says, willing his voice not to shake the same way his whole body does at the moment; his hands feel clammy and the ugly twisting in his gut hasn’t stopped ever since Jun said he is with Nino.   
  
 _You sure?_ , Jun says, then pauses for what seems like five full seconds before he says, almost too loudly that he is sure the mirth Jun tries hard to coat his tone is nothing if faked, forced.   
  
“Yeah, yeah I’m sure,”   
  
 _So are you coming to join us?,_  Jun follows and he swears Jun’s tone abruptly changes; he almost felt bad for Jun, almost, but he finds that he’s not, he can’t, not when the only thing he feels right now is that unsettling worry for Nino, and the slight but unavoidable annoyance for Jun. He knows that he shouldn’t feel that way, not when Jun has all the fucking right to do what he thinks is right to keep what is his –  _him_  -  he gave Jun that right, afterall -  but he is, and it is upsetting as it is frustrating to know that he is the reason why Nino ended up where he is, in the middle of all these bullshit he himself has created without either of them realizing it.  
  
But maybe, Jun knows it too, has known it eversince they got together that there’s this part of him Jun, or anyone else for that matter, won’t be able to touch no matter how hard they try to. Jun can’t, because his heart is, and always had been beating for Nino and Nino alone and there’s nothing Jun could do to change it.  
  
He closes his eyes for a brief moment, imagining how hard it must be for Jun and Nino to be sitting next to each other right now – the person he’s currently in a relationship with, and the person who turns out to be that one person who owns his heart, his soul, his everything – and be civil with each other enough to share a cup of coffee despite the ridiculousness of it all; how aggravating it must be for both Jun and Nino to be where they are, one is pushing for the three of them to meet and the other keeping his thoughts and his opinions to himself the way he always does when he’s not sure what to so say himself, especially when he finds himself trapped in a situation he’s not sure how ended up in anyway.   
  
But maybe he does, if the way his heart is beating painfully fast inside his chest is of any indication and the fact that the only thing he wants right now is to teleport himself to where Nino and Jun are at the moment, take Nino away and leave him somewhere safe, tell him he’ll be back to be with him once he’s done sorting things out with Jun.  
  
There’s this part of him that aches fiercely at the thought that he’s causing both Jun and Nino so much pain right now and he can’t do anything to stop it.   
  
And there it is too; the guilty feeling that is so overwhelming and he’s certain it isn’t just for Jun, for what he did to Jun but also for Nino; Nino shouldn’t be in the situation he’s in right now if it’s not for him and that thought alone – the fact that he’s so worried for Nino more than he should for Jun to the point that he doesn’t care who he ends up hurting in the process -  is enough to make him wonder how he even let himself believe he was over Nino during those five years they weren’t together, because clearly, he’s not, that he never was.   
  
It’s a little too late for him to realize this now but he guesses it doesn’t matter, none of it is; he just needs to accept the fact that he loves Nino more than Jun, more than his own life, to be honest and that’s that.  
  
“N-No, I don’t think I’ll be able to join you guys this time, I’m sorry,” he at least manages to utter despite the huge lump blocking his throat.   
  
It’s long beat before he hears Jun’s returning,  _Fine, maybe next time,_   _then?,_  barely hearing it because his heart is still beating furiously inside his ribcage and the noises it makes is enough to drown all the sounds around him. He finds himself with his face buried against the steering wheel, his phone slapped against his ear, feeling all kinds of fucked up he wonders what else is going to get wrong until he realizes what he is supposed to do.   
  
“Yeah, maybe next time,” he agrees, then, screwing his eyes shut, “I just. I’ll see you later, then? J-Just send me the details of which hotel you’re staying so I can –“  
  
 _Oh, I’m staying in the same hotel you’re in,_  Jun quickly retorts,  _Isn’t that nice? I don’t know how Sho-san did it on short notice but you know how Sho-san is. He can whip out something amazing within seconds when he absolutely has to, he’s wonderful like that._ , Jun adds in a tone that he wonders is really to praise Sho-kun’s admittedly wonderful skills or for something else.  
  
He’s not sure he even wants or even cares enough to find out at this point.  
  
The ache in his chest grows every fucking second he is here, feeling like his hands are literally bound behind him that he’s unable to do anything, or say anything sensible enough to right the wrongs he made or at least something that will help him get Nino and Jun out of this horrible situation unscathed.   
  
But they won’t be, and he knows it. It’s impossible even,  because whoever he chooses to be with from here on– and he already did, his heart did it for him the moment his eyes met Nino’s the day before, afterall – he knows he is going to end up breaking someone else’s heart no matter how hard he tries to avoid it.  
  
Then he realizes he is muttering, “Jun, w-will you… will you put  _Ka_ – Ninomiya-kun on the phone, please?”, biting his tongue a little too late and hearing the tell-tale sounds of someone else’s sharp intake of breath the moment his request is out of his traitorous mouth.  
  
Another longer beat that feels so much longer than it probably is, Jun says,  _Of course,_ then, _you can just talk to him because he can hear you, I’m on loud-speaker,_  and he groans quietly under his breath realizing how even more fucked up everything has ended up now.  
  
His heart is beating so fast he wonders if he will end up dead before he can even speak, terrified for a second knowing that can’t just tell Nino anything that will make Jun angrier than he obviously already are, praying he has enough courage and enough brain cells not to say anything entirely stupid that will put himself and most especially Nino, in trouble.  
  
He wills his voice not to waver as he grips his phone tightly like it’s his only lifeline, let’s Nino’s smile, Nino’s touches and kisses, how damn perfect he felt this morning waking up with Nino curled in his arms remind him of the choice he already made and how he’s going to have to keep his word he’d told Nino the night before from here on.  
  
“N-Nino?” he calls, eyes still tightly shut as he waits and waits and waits, something hot and desperate thrumming at the back of his neck when all he hears is Jun’s gentle hums in the background.   
  
 _Y-Yes, Ohno-san?,_  a small voice returns and he swears the relief that flooded his whole being then is so overwhelming he realizes he is biting his lips hard enough to swallow the urge to scream Nino’s name. His eyes are blurry and he blinks the unwanted tears away.  
  
“I – T-The dinner with your mom and sister?” he mumbles, coming up with a lie spot on and wishing Nino’s not that pissed or terrified to be able to catch on, biting his lips and willing his hands to stop shaking when Nino answers,  _Ah, don’t worry about it, I’ll just. I’ll tell them you won’t  be able to make it tonight; maybe next time?_ Nino says, then, _Y-You better take M-Matsumoto-san with you to the shop next time so he can sample your favorite since he wasn’t able to eat anything this time around_.  
  
He’s gripping his phone so tight that he is vaguely scared he’ll rip it in pieces as he mutters a quiet thanks under his breath and says, “Y-Yeah, I’ll try. A-And please apologize to your mother and Kazue for me, okay? I’ll… I’ll just… I’ll see what I can do, I mean I will try to pass by the shop if there’s any free time left to v-visit them before w-we go back to Tokyo,”  
  
 _It’s fine, I’ll. Yeah, I’ll tell them, don’t worry about it._  
  
“A-Alright,” he agrees half-heartedly, even though he knows nothing is quite right at the moment, none at all. “Jun?”  
  
 _I’m here_.  
  
“I’ll…. I’ll see you later?”  
  
Another longer beat.  _Of course. You take care, yeah?_  Jun says, then, louder, he says, _I love you; I’ll talk to you later._  
  
He screws his eyes shut and wills the words to come, wills his mouth to say the words he never, not even once told anyone, not even Jun, even if it’s just for show because he can’t, has admitted it quite often that he’s never been good at putting his thoughts, much more his emotions into words and Jun is stupid if he thinks he can make him now. He can’t, he doesn’t, well, maybe aside from the person who is probably close to breaking down right now, the one person who is able to say those words over and over again and won’t ever get tired of saying it, the one person who has to sit all through this bullshit quietly and not knowing where he’ll end up after this.  
  
But maybe, he’ll indulge Jun this time. Just this once.   
  
He closes his eyes and prepares to say it back, but his heart simply won’t let him, he can’t, not when all he sees is Nino’s face even with his eyes closed; and instead, he ends up saying the first thing that comes to mind, the words he knows Jun would not understand, the only other phrase he and Nino both learned from that old, Filipina lady working at the ramen shop back when they were younger.  
  
But Nino will and that’s what’s important.  
  
“You too,” he mutters as a start, and quickly follows it with, “ _Mahal na mahal kita, bait.._.  _Ikaw ang buhay ko, ikaw lang_...” and hangs up.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

He swears there is only one man who can break his heart into a million, tiny and unrecognizable pieces and then stitch it back together in the same fucking breath without hardly trying, feeling like he ought to be crying so hard right now despite the fact that he also feels like laughing equally so but he holds himself. It would be difficult to explain why he suddenly burst out into a giggling fit while there are tears leaking from his eyes and he doesn’t want the guy sitting next to him to think he’d lost the few remaining working screws in his head if he can help it either.   
  
But it’s hard to contain his emotions when he’s here, sitting next to Ohno’s lover/live-in partner and hear his partner say something to him, something that obviously wasn’t meant for him to hear at all.  
  
There’s tightness in his chest that has something to do with how Ohno is just as capable of rendering him speechless and melting into a puddle by saying something so incredibly sappy, a phrase he never thought he’d be able to hear ever again before Ohno hung up. It’s too much for his heart to handle, vaguely wondering how it’s even possible for him to feel so heartbroken and so fucking happy at the same time because he is and it’s so weird that it should be creepy but it’s not really and god, his brain is a mess.   
  
He at least managed to muffle his gasps with the back of his palm, barely able to hide the rest of it until he realizes Matsumoto-san is staring at him, then at his phone as if he’ll be able to miraculously tug Ohno out from it.  
  
“Huh?” is what he hears from Matsumoto-san the moment his brain is working properly again, as are his senses. “I didn’t get what he said,” Matsumoto-san muses as he reaches over to tap the end call button before the other man turns to face him. “Did you?” he shakes his head. “Maybe it’s French? But it doesn’t sound like it, right? Something Asian, maybe? Maybe he’s getting language lessons from Sho-san and he’s not telling me about it. Silly man,” Matsumoto-san says, mostly to himself. He shrugs, acting nonchalant though he’s this close to confirming,  _Yes, it’s Asian,_  particularly the Philippines but wisely bites his tongue before he does so.   
  
There’s no way he can tell Matsumoto-san that afterall, that his boyfriend just muttered something that certainly wasn’t for him to hear, because, well, that would simply means asking for more trouble.   
  
He closes his eyes and remembers the last time Ohno had told him the same thing, how he ended up sucking Ohno off against the wall at the back of Ohno’s house because the older man wouldn’t shut up, repeating the phrase over and over again and making him blush to the tips of his toes knowing what it means.   
  
 _Bait_  is how that old Filipina lady used to address him and Ohno before, her pet name for the both of them that literally translates to ‘ _a kind person’_ , a pet name they usually addresses a precious child back from her home country, she said, but it is also usually a term of endearment a lover uses to refer his significant other.   
  
  
 _Mahal na mahal kita, bait… Ikaw ang buhay ko…Ikaw lang.._  
  
 _I love you so much, my darling… You are my life, only you…_  
  
He closes his eyes and wills the tears away, feels himself tremble at the overwhelming surge of affection for Ohno alongside that soft, fluttering hope in his chest that makes sitting here next to Matsumoto-san a little bearable.  
  
He knows he shouldn’t allow it, not now, not yet, but he can’t help it. Ohno saying something that’s been embedded in his head like a mantra didn’t help either and right now, it’s too easy to hope that he and Ohno wants the same thing now, that Ohno wants to be with him too and that Ohno wants what they have before all these crap have ruined it.  
  
Though Ohno did assure him that and more the night before, he kind of forgotten everything the moment Matsumoto-san appeared into the picture and sort of squashed all of his hopes about getting back with Ohno, but with what he heard moments before, he thinks it is alright to allow himself the right to believe that someday, soon, Ohno will be his again.  
  
But it’s going to be so difficult now, painful even – though maybe not for him since he’s used to feeling this way -  and that the pain of discovering the existence of this man in Ohno’s life can’t ever be compared to the misery he had to endure during the five years he thought he would never see Ohno again.   
  
It’s fairly easy to handle, he thinks, because despite it all, he’d been reassured once again that Ohno loves him, that Ohno is willing to give up everything for him, to be with him. Ohno didn’t say it this time – he doesn’t have to - because it’s in the way Ohno had muttered that phrase, a quiet promise that leaves his heart in peace despite the awkward and admittedly difficult situation they’re in.  
  
“So, coffee…?” Matsumoto-san prompts him and he realizes they are already parked in front of the La Vie. “Any personal preference or - ?”   
  
He shrugs and goes to remove his seatbelt just as Matsumoto-san did his own.  
  
“As long as it doesn’t have sugar and is as strong as they can make it, it’s fine, really,” he says.  
  
Matsumoto-san gives him a look that makes him pause but it is gone the next time he blinks, at least until the other man mutters, “Funny that’s exactly how Satoshi wants it,” with a thoughtful look on his face before he pushes the driver’s door open and is out before Nino can say anything.  
  
  
+  
  
  
He follows Matsumoto-san inside as quickly as he can manage it, spying the other man heading straight to the counter to order. Matsumoto-san has his attention on his phone even when someone is already in front of him, prompting him, their gazes catch for the briefest instant when Matsumoto-san raises his head and gestures him towards the table near the back before he takes his attention to the staff taking his order.   
  
He nods his head and heads there, his fingers itch to reach for his phone and turn it on but he swallows the urge down. He wants to call Ohno, wants to hear his voice but he knows that he can’t, and viciously tamps the desire down as he opts on sitting on his hands just to keep himself from reaching out for his phone.  
  
It took Matsumoto-san a few minutes to finish ordering, and he goes to leave the receipt on their table and excuses himself before he heads straight to the direction of the restrooms.   
  
 _Probably going to fix his hair or something_ , he muses quietly to himself, catching himself halfway and chastising himself for it. He’s not in the position to make fun of other people, not even if the said person deserved it, and in this case, Matsumoto-san doesn’t; in fact, the other man could have driven him off someplace where he could murder him in cold blood (or beat him to a pulp, really) and bury his stupid ass in there too but he didn’t.   
  
Though maybe he’s not really planning to; the guy sure looks too sophisticated for that.  
  
He heaves a sigh, wondering if it’s better for him to just leave now before Matsumoto-san comes back, but he’s afraid he’ll only end up going back to the shop to find him. It’s better to finish this thing between them once and for all, listen to whatever the man wishes to tell him, maybe answer his forthcoming questions about Ohno (at least the ones that he can properly answer without ending up trembling like a cornered rat) and hopes they’d be enough for the man to leave him alone afterwards.  
  
But then again, are those the only thing the man is after? Is the man genuinely glad to meet him or is it the same with how the man looks at him as if he is something he won’t voluntarily touch? How can he be sure that the reason Matsumoto-san is here is because he wants to surprise Ohno and not because he knows there is something going on between him and Ohno and that if it’s the latter, why in hell is he acting like he’s not worried or angry even when he is obviously both?  
  
It’s confusing the fuck out of him, really, and the added guilty feeling of being with the person Ohno is currently in a relationship with – the person who has all the right in the world to chastise him for wanting Ohno the way he does - would have been enough to make him want to run the opposite direction, much more forget Ohno’s untimely confession on the phone earlier but he realizes that he can’t.  
  
He owes Matsumoto-san this, afterall, even though he’s still not sure what Matsumoto-san’s plans are for dragging him out here. But even then, he knows that he will accept anything that the other man plans to throw his way – hot coffee, insults, anything - just like he did for Ohno because he knows he deserves it.   
  
It’s honestly terrifying but he doesn’t let his fear control him. Instead, he lets his thoughts drift for now, of how easier it is to pretend that once he walked out of here, he’ll find Ohno waiting for him back in the shop, his arms wide open for him, telling him everything will be okay because they’re together.  
  
But then he knows that it’s not and that’s how real all of this is.   
  
Everything is complicated now, that nothing about this is simple to begin with and it is stupid of him to think that; because here with him is the complication Ohno didn’t tell him about, and god, how big a complication it is that he can’t even find a way to lose it.   
  
And he knows it’s not just him who is feeling this way. How hard it must be for the other man to be here with him when it’s obvious that the man despised him for even existing. And he can’t exactly blame him, he would feel the same way if he is in the man’s position afterall but he guesses they can’t really do anything to change how things are now, not when he has unconsciously committed himself to fighting his way back to Ohno’s heart, that despite losing all the right to want Ohno the same way he did before he left the older man over his family, he still want a chance to make things right for him and Ohno, to stay with Ohno; he’s not sure if it’s even right to want to be with Ohno after everything, but he wants a chance to find out.   
  
It will be difficult though, and he honestly feels bad enough for them both – him and Matsumoto-san respectively -  for loving the same person so fiercely like this, almost to the point of stupidity but he guesses things are as they are because they’re meant to be that way. He’d long stopped questioning himself as to why, despite the long years he and Ohno had been apart, he’d never gotten over the older man no matter how hard he tried to; maybe because he’s known it all along that there’s no getting over him, that Ohno will come back one day – to either close that chapter of their lives or something else - and he was just waiting and waiting and waiting for that day to come no matter how long it took.   
  
And he wasn’t wrong.   
  
But the existence of one Matsumoto Jun in Ohno’s life is somehow shocking and equal-parts heartbreaking, because he himself hadn’t had anyone eversince him and Ohno parted ways, a choice he himself made because he knows even then that no one is ever going to be enough to replace Ohno in his heart and that’s that. And it’s painful to even think that there is someone who knows Ohno more than he does now, someone who lives with Ohno, sleeps with Ohno, wakes up in the morning curled around Ohno – and all those other things he used to do with Ohno before.  
  
And maybe, he can’t blame Matsumoto-san for coming here, at all, for wanting to meet him even though he can’t do the same if he happens to find himself on the exact situation. He’s not that strong, apparently, to want to meet the person the love of his life is currently in a relationship with and he knows he never will be.  
  
It is just his luck, maybe, that Ohno still feels strongly for him despite the wrongs he made, despite breaking the older man’s heart then.  
  
He looks up in time to find a uniformed guy standing in front of him. “Excuse me, Sir,” the guy murmurs, bowing his head a little before putting a cup of steaming coffee on the table. He squints, confused for a moment and is about to point out that,  _no, there should be two cups and are you sure you’re not mistaken?_  when the guy is quickly handing over a folded paper and murmuring, “Matsumoto-san sends his apologies, Sir. He said to just give you your coffee and this note, and that to tell you that he’s sorry because he needs to leave right away,”   
  
“Eh?” he returns, stupidly. The uniformed staff bows his head again and offers him a kind smile before he turns away.   
  
Blinking the confusion away, he remembers the folded paper he still has in his hand and stares at it for what seemed like a full minute before he remembers to open it. Something falls down from it when did though, and the confusion grows the moment he picks up the other folded piece that ends up on his lap and realizes it is none other than a photo of him and Ohno, taken back when they were younger, specifically taken weeks before their supposed trip to Tokyo. He knows, because he has the same photo tucked inside his own wallet too, and for a moment, he is stunned, wondering how in hell this same photo ended up here when he is sure he has never taken his own copyout from his wallet, which he stupidly left in the drawer back in the shop. But then he remembers that they’ve actually made two copies of the same then – one for him and one for Ohno.  
  
So why in hell does this end up here, tucked inside Matsumoto-san’s note for him?   
  
He breathes, heart thumping crazily inside his chest, palm sweaty and shaking as he unfolded the other paper, and gasps at the words he finds there.  
  
  
 _You win, Ninomiya-san. My only wish is that this time, you will stay with him no matter what, that you won’t break his heart again, the same way you have before. Promise me that and it’ll be enough._  
  
 _Be happy with him, because I know you’re the person he’d be happy enough to be with. He deserves it and I hope to god that you do too. Please don’t make me regret this._  
  
 _Goodbye._


	14. Chapter 14

“ … _Mahal na mahal kita, bait… Ikaw ang buhay ko…Ikaw lang._.” he whispers into the phone without pause, putting as much feeling into it as he possibly can and wishing it is enough for Nino to believe him before he is pressing the end call button and letting go, not bothering checking where his phone lands as it stumbles out of his grasp.   
  
The ache is gnawing at him from the inside and he knows it’s more to do with the fact that there are so many things he wants to accomplish as quickly as he can manage it but he can’t. It also doesn’t help that he wants to call Nino right now just to hear his voice, tell him to hang in there, to reassure not only Nino but himself as well that neither of them is going anywhere now that they’ve found each other again. And that though he can’t do much at the moment, he just need to hold on to the fact that Nino loves him just as much, that they love each other enough, for Nino to wait until he’s done sorting his shit out so he could be with Nino again.   
  
He wants to tell Nino that but it’ll have to wait, at least until he’s talked to Jun first. He already feels like the world’s biggest jerk for saying something that is meant for Nino’s ears alone in front of Jun afterall, and giving in to the urge to call Nino again, now, despite knowing that he and Jun are together is just plain stupid, if not too much.  
  
He can’t be that heartless, he knows that; he can’t just say something or do something that will deliberately hurt Jun in the process despite the fact that well, he already did that. Jun doesn’t deserve to be treated this way, hell, no one does but there’s just no way to reverse this now when he knows what he wants and getting it would mean hurting someone else in the process.  
  
And no matter how annoyed he is at Jun right now for popping in there and dragging Nino out with him, he doesn’t have the heart to tell Jun off and outright hurt Jun that way. Being with Nino right now is hurting Jun enough, and he knows that Jun has inkling about his plans to break up with him, that later when they meet would probably going to be their last.  
  
So before he goes and does something even more profoundly stupid, he needs to see Jun so they could talk.   
  
His phone vibrating against his feet tugs him out of his stupor, blindly reaching for it and squinting at the caller’s name for a few seconds, surprised and equal-parts glad before realizing how talking on the phone works. Sliding his thumb across the screen, he closes his eyes for a brief second before he slaps the phone into his ear.  
  
“Nee-chan? Hello?”  
  
It took about three, four more seconds of silence before someone speaks from the other end.  
  
“Satoshi,” his sister’s familiar voice calls from the other end, “you want to talk to me?” she asks, though she doesn’t sound like she’s even asking. She knows he wants to talk to her, he’s been calling her phone eversince he left their parents’ house, afterall.  
  
He thinks about everything his mother told him, and everything he knows she didn’t; if it’s alright to ask his sister about the things he’s still confused about, if she’ll be more willing to talk than their mother ever was.   
  
“Yes, if it’s okay,”  
  
Another longer beat. “Sure,” she says, “is this about the Ninomiyas?”   
  
Bingo. “Yes, yes it is,”  
  
“Okay,” she agrees, “what do you want to know?”   
  
He breathes in a lungful of air and lets it out in one go. “Everything,”  
  
  
+  
  
  
He got off the phone around fifteen minutes later, and again, he found himself unable to make sense of everything his sister told him, aside from the glaring fact that the reason he was miserable for the past five years is because of his own family.   
  
But he can’t bring even bring himself to blame them now, not when there’s absolutely nothing good to gain from it even if he would go around blaming everyone and that’s that. He can’t even bring himself to be angry anymore, finds that he’s too exhausted to even want to think about it when there’s far too many things – far more important stuffs he should focus his attention to at the moment.  
  
His phone vibrating on his lap is what tugs him out of his temporary daze, his attention snapping into focus when his gaze catches the name on the screen. He frowns.  
  
It’s Nino.  
  
He grabs for the phone with trembling fingers, heart pounding hard through his ribcage as his thumb fumbles a few times on the call icon before he is able to finally slide his thumb across the screen to accept the call, barely able to slap it against his left ear when he hears Nino’s voice from the other end, breathless and a little frantic.  
  
“Oh-chan? Hello? Are you there, hello -”  
  
“Hey, yes, yes, I’m here,” he breathes, part-glad and equal-parts worried that he doesn’t realize he is gripping his phone tight until he catches his reflection on the mirror and sees how his knuckles are already turning white.   
  
On the other end, Nino is firing out words faster than he can hear them until Nino hisses something that sounded suspiciously like ‘find him fast’ and ‘Matsumoto-san’.  
  
“Hey, hey,” he breathes, “Nino, calm down, please. Breathe for me, come on. Slow down, yes, like that, breathe,” he instructs, barely able to do the same because Nino did sound worried and he doesn’t want to freak Nino out more than he already are. He closes his eyes and counts each seconds of silence that ticks by, only comforted by the sounds of Nino’s careful breathing on the other end.   
  
“Oh-chan?”  
  
“I’m here,” he replies quickly, heart beating unusually loud through his ribcage. He wishes Nino can’t hear it. “Are you okay? What was that you were saying?” he asks, careful, “I thought I heard you say Jun’s name,”  
  
“Yes,”   
  
“I –“ he pauses, swallowing past the lump that has formed in his throat. Then, hurriedly, finding it difficult to let the words out but he has to, if he needs to force himself to talk, then that’s exactly what he will do. He can’t lose Nino this way, in any way, never again. “Kazu, let me explain -”  
  
“Later, okay?” Nino quickly cuts in, and he swears the panic in Nino’s voice returns just as quickly. “For now you have to find Matsumoto-san,”  
  
He frowns. “Find him – what do you mean?” he says, “I thought you two are together -?”  
  
“He left, Oh-chan,” Nino says, quick and breathless, “I don’t know what happened but he said he will just use the bathroom but he didn’t come back. Instead, he told one of the staffs here to hand me a note. The guy said Matsumoto-san had to leave quickly. I – I’m not sure where he is and and – God, what if something happens to him? What am I going to do? I. Shit, Oh-chan, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen –“  
  
“Hey, what the hell are you even saying?” he quickly cuts in, barely able to resist the urge to just end the call so he can drive as fast as he can to where Nino is. He can’t, though, because it’s obvious that someone else needs his undivided attention right now, and that isn’t Nino.  
  
“It’s my fault, Oh-chan,” Nino breathes, his tone dripping with guilt that he doesn’t know what else to say to assure Nino that none of these is his fault.   
  
It’s his, that much is obvious and it’s not to say that he doesn’t know it because he does. The only thing left for him to do now is to try and salvage what could be saved and hope it will be enough.   
  
“It’s obvious that Matsumoto-san knows about – about what happened – about you and I and I’m afraid he’ll –“  
  
“Kazu, hey, listen to me,” he cuts in, wishing Nino is close enough for him to hold in his arms; but he’s not, and it pains him to hear the fear in Nino’s voice knowing that he can’t do anything to stop it.  “Nothing bad is going to happen, okay? Let me just… I’m gonna call him and check where he is and I’m gonna go to him so we can talk, alright?” he says, letting himself breath for a few seconds when he hears Nino’s, “Yes, yes, okay,”  
  
“It might take a while but –“ he pauses, swallowing the urge to just leave everything behind and go straight to Nino now because he knows that he can’t. He’s hurt Jun enough when he went back on his promise the moment Nino came in and smiled at him as if the years they spent apart are nothing but mere numbers, turning his life upside down the second Nino said his name.  
  
“But I’ll be back, I promise,” he whispers, heart thudding loud inside his chest. “I promise I will, so please just… please wait for me, okay? Nino?”  
  
“I –“  
  
“Just promise me, for god’s sake,” he counters, and he knows he sounded as desperate as he feels but he doesn’t care, not at all, as long as he has Nino. “I’m going to finish this, I’m going to talk to Jun and then I’m going to find you,” he pauses to breath, then, “and when I do, there’s no way I’m going to let you go again, Nino. Remember that,”  
  
“S-Satoshi –“  
  
“I love you so much, Kazu,” he whispers, softly, “so much, okay? Keep that in mind,”  
  
Another beat. “I love you more,” Nino whispers back from the other end and his heartbeat skips pleasantly despite his worries. “You have to go,”  
  
He doesn’t want to but he has to. He owes Jun that much. “I have to go,” he agrees but still can’t find the heart to hang up.   
  
Luckily for him, Nino is stronger than he ever will  be, but it’s only  because his only weakness is the same person who brings out the best in him.  
  
“Bring him home and make sure he’s safe, okay?” Nino says, then, softer, he whispers, “I love you. Goodbye,” before the line went dead.  
  
He breathes in a lungful of air and exhales it all in one go, at the same time he takes his phone and finds Jun’s contact number in one try.   
  
Two, three rings before the call is connected.   
  
 _Are you calling because Ninomiya-san told you I left?,_  Jun says without missing a beat, sounding as composed as ever _. I have to_ , Jun says,  _I have to or else I might do something I know I will regret later so I had to leave._  
  
“So you knew,” he breathes, though he’s not at all surprised; Jun is smart, and there’s no way something as heavy as this is going to go unnoticed, especially with the unsurprisingly stupid way he had handled things between him and Nino. But it’s not like he can help it, and he never prided himself to being the person that he’s not – a smart one, for that matter, and he knows that most of the time, especially when it comes to Nino, he almost always lets his heart (and his dick) take over.  
  
 _What, that you fucked Ninomiya-san when you know you shouldn’t?,_  Jun says, and he at least sounded upset now, angry even.  _Of course, Satoshi, I’m not fucking stupid. I came here with all the intention of subtly scaring your ex off but… fuck, I don’t even know why I’m doing this._  
  
Oh, but he does know and he wonders how damn lucky he is for finding someone like Jun who understands more than he lets on.   
  
 _I should hate him_ , Jun continues as if he hadn’t paused to breath,   _I told myself that when I came by the shop to meet him, but it’s hard, considering the fact that he obviously didn’t know who I was, when he didn’t have the slightest idea that I was there to tell him to back off. I couldn’t do it, because I know he doesn’t deserve the jealousy and the anger I’ve always directed at him, and meeting him face to face honestly made me question my own worth as a person – what you saw in him that you didn’t see in me. But then he went and did something so familiar that made me realized one thing :  you and him  - you’re like the same person trapped in the bodies of two different people, doing the same thing, saying the same words, having the same emotions even though you’re not together. Soul mates, if I may say; and I guess it doesn’t matter whether I have all the right to claim you back because clearly, you were never mine._    
  
“Jun, I –“  
  
 _I’m on my way back to Tokyo, Satoshi,_  Jun says, after a beat,  _and if I don’t see you in a couple of weeks, that’ll be wonderful. Just. Be happy with him, okay? And tell him I’m counting on him not to mess you up again, because I’m sure I’m not going to be there to fix you when that happens again. I… goodbye for now, yeah?_  
  
“Jun –“  
  
 _It’s not for forever, silly. I’m still your manager, and that’s not going to change. Just. Give me some time to get over  this, okay? I’ll call you when I’m ready, I promise._  
  
He doesn’t know what else to say so he just goes with the one thing that sums up everything he feels at the moment.   
  
“Thank you,”  
  
Another longer beat, but this time, he knows Jun enough to know how he's trying to gather enough courage not to fumble on his words as he rearranges them in his head.   
  
 _You take care, okay? I - yeah. Just take care_., Jun says and promptly hangs up.  
  
He breathes in deep and wipes the lone tear that escapes the corner of his eyes.

 

++

 

 _“The debt your father left you, and the shop’s too… even your mother’s treatment,” she pauses here, meeting his and his sister’s gazes, “I’ll take care of them all,”  she says, “You pay me back when you can, that’s not a problem,”_  
  
 _He wants to say something but he’s not sure if he has any right to do so, much more question the older woman’s obvious desire to help them but he can’t help it; something seems off and he knows he’s not the only one who realizes this._  
  
 _“It’s going to cost you a lot of money, Ohno-san,” his sister speaks up, finally, her fingers clasped against his. They’re clammy and cold to the touch. “And there’s no way we’ll be able to pay you back from just the shop’s earnings so –“_  
  
 _“Money’s not a problem and as I said, you don’t have to worry about paying me back immediately,” the older woman cuts in rather quickly, and he feels his sister’s fingers squeezing his almost too tightly. The older woman gives them a look that speaks volume and he wonders, not for the first time, how she looks so different now from the kind-hearted woman whom he and his sister treat as their second mother._  
  
 _Now, there’s no kindness in the way she looks at them, on the way she regards them as if she can’t really be bothered about the fact that their mother might die if she won’t get the treatment she needed, that they might lose the shop if they won’t come up with enough money to pay for the suppliers._  
  
 _It’s bad enough that their house is already about to go too, what with the debts their father had left them and honestly, he isn’t sure what prompted Ohno’s mother to come to them, offering her help._  
  
 _It’s just plain suspicious._  
  
 _A few minutes passed before he realizes his sister is tugging her hand away and turning to him._  
  
 _“Kazu, will you get Ohno-san another cup of tea, please,” his sister tells him, firm in a way she normally doesn’t and he gets up from his seat despite his reluctance. His sister throws him a look that means so many things and for once, he doesn’t say anything, tongue in cheek as he bows his head and excuses himself._  
  
 _He disappears into the kitchen but he creeps back on his hands and knees, hiding himself behind the counter as he strains hard to hear their conversation._  
  
 _At first, he can’t make out what they are saying, at least until his sister’s tone goes up a few pitches higher, loud enough for him to hear her._  
  
 _“Y-You… You’re not serious,” his sister says, which Ohno’s mother replies with, “I am, Kazue-chan; I am. As serious as your family’s debts following you from all sides and as serious as your mother’s illness,”_  
  
 _“B-But… but why that? Why Kazu? Why, I don’t understand –“_  
  
 _“Calm down and think about it, Kazue-chan,” Ohno’s mother says, “You can either believe me or not, I don’t really care, but I’m asking you this not because I simply want your brother out of Satoshi's life. You have to understand that I simply want what's best for my son and right now,  finishing college is what he should focus his attention to. He's at this certain point where he wants to accomplish one thing but is so easily distracted with another, and right now, that other thing is your brother. I know I can’t expect Satoshi to give up your brother now – not that it’s what I want but because it’s what Satoshi needs, at least for the time being until he finished college. You should know how impossible it is to persuade Satoshi to think about this, not when the two of them are hell bent to move in together as soon as they can so I thought, why don’t I try and talk to Kazunari about it? But then again, I don’t want to hurt your brother’s feelings, but it’s exactly what is going to happen once I talked to him and I figured it'll be easier for you guys to consider my request if I give you something in exchange of what I want your brother to give up,”_  
  
 _“But Ohno-san, don’t you think it’s a bit harsh –“_  
  
 _“Maybe,” she cuts in rather quickly, “but to tell you the truth, I really think your brother is going to hinder Satoshi’s chance to broaden his horizon if they end up living together. Your brother's presence is going to drag Satoshi down, whether you believe it or not. He’s going to be a huge distraction to Satoshi’s studies, and as a mother who only wants what’s good for her son, this is the only thing I can think of in order to  prevent it from happening,”_  
  
 _“But can’t we talk to them about it without resolving to –“_  
  
 _“I already did but my son won’t be persuaded,” Ohno-san says, “and I won’t even think of asking you this if he agreed,”_  
  
 _“But if it’s only that –“ his sister says, sounding bewildered, “why go to such trouble of literally handing out a fortune when we can just talk to them both… when we can just make them understand that them being apart – Satoshi in Tokyo and my brother staying here –  would be a hell of a lot better than if they live together to fend for themselves,”_  
  
 _“This may sound a little unbelievable it but I swear, I also want to help your family, especially your mother," she says, "and I would honestly still ask your help even without this thing between us. Let's face it, Kazue-chan; your family needs the money and I'm very much willing to help you with it. In return, you have to talk to your brother, it's that simple. I'm sure it'll be easier for you to convince Kazunari," she says with a pause._  
  
 _"C-Can't we, I don't know, sit them down and talk to them?" his sister says._  
  
 _"Easier said than done,” Ohno’s mother says, “because as I told you, Satoshi doesn’t share the sentiment. He has this stupid notion that nothing is impossible as long as he and Kazunari are together,”_  
  
 _“And you think your son is wrong?”_  
  
 _“He is wrong,” Ohno’s mother says without missing a beat. “They’re just kids, Kazue,” she says, as if she is pointing out the obvious. “They still don’t know what they really want,”_  
  
 _“They’ve been together almost all their lives, Ohno-san,”_  
  
 _“So were you and Mina,” Ohno’s mother says, “but none of it mattered when you decided you didn’t want –“ the older woman pauses here as if she catches herself halfway._  
  
 _“Anyway, just think about it,” Ohno’s mother is speaking again, “I’ll take care of the rest, you can count on that, and in exchange, you have to convince your brother to break it off with my son. It’s too little compared to what I’m willing to give up to help you and your family,” Ohno’s mother says and he freezes, shocked beyond shock itself.  “And who knows, if what they feel for each other is real, then they’d be back in each other’s arms in no time. Just…not now, because school is what they need to focus their attention to right now. Especially for Satoshi. After they graduate, maybe? I swear if that happens, I’m not even going to say anything,”_  
  
 _“A-Are you s-sure this isn’t about what happened between me and M-Mina?”_  
  
 _Silence. “No; no, definitely not,” Ohno’s mother says but even through the almost alarming noises his heart is making, he can tell she doesn’t mean what she said. Not at all._  
  
  
 _+_  
  
  
 _“So that’s it? She just wants me out of Oh-chan’s life and she promised to help us?” he says, his hands balled into fists, his eyes on his sister’s face. She wouldn’t meet his eyes and maybe, he should have expected it but he’s too angry, too hurt to even give her any leeway because he knows there’s something else here – a very important one that she’s not telling him, them._  
  
 _“Yes,” she says._  
  
 _“And you agreed?” he asks, even though he is aware that she did not. Still, he wants to hear her say it._  
  
 _His sister shakes her head. “Even if I want to, I can’t,” she says, her gaze focused on some spot on the floor. “It’s not my call to make,” then, “But if it was mine, I won’t even think twice, Kazu,” she says, her tone firmer now. “I won’t even think twice,” she repeats. “Whatever it takes to save Mom, to save everything that is dear to us, including the house our grandparents’ left our parents, the shop… everything,”_  
  
 _“So you’re putting this on me, then?” he counters, tasting bile in his tongue._  
  
 _She raises her head and meets his gaze straight on. “We already did what we could,” she says, “but we’re still stuck in the middle, not knowing where to go, what to do,” she says, and he swears he’s never seen his sister like this – like she is barely holding on to what little hope she has, trusting him to hold her hand and never let go. “I know it’s going to hurt, it’s going to hurt so bad and I swear to you I won’t even put this on you if there’s another option but –“_  
  
 _“But this is the only option,” he says through tightly gritted teeth._  
  
 _“Kazu –“_  
  
 _“You do know there’s an entirely different reason she’s doing this, right? Aside from that lame shit she told you about earlier? Her fears that I might be a huge distraction to Oh-chan’s studies?” he says, watching his sister’s eyes go wide the minute those words are out of his mouth. So he is right; Ohno’s mother’s decision does have something to do with her and Ohno’s sister._  
  
 _“I –“_  
  
 _He keeps his eyes on his sister’s face, not backing down; he figures if he’s going to get his heart broken, Ohno’s too in the process, then he’d want to at least know the reason why._  
  
 _“She didn’t sound like it but I  bet you – despite the fact that she was trying to hold it in, she was furious,” he says, “and I don’t really want to ask you this but –“ he pauses to breath and makes sure his eyes are locked on his sister’s face._  
  
 _“Are you certain she isn’t doing this as form of revenge for when you broke Mina-neechan’s heart when you left her for Akito-san?” he asks; though it is evident in the way his sister’s mouth falls open in shock that he’d just hit the nail in the head._  
  
 _She lowers her gaze once again, in apology or in defeat, or both. “I’m sorry,” she says, and it did sound like an admission as well as apology. He wonders if it even matters._  
  
 _“Yeah, you should be,” he whispers, feeling like all his strength has left him in a rush._  
  
  
  
+  
  
  
Instead of following Jun like he’d initially planned, he ended up driving back to Nino’s house.  
  
He thought about going back to his parents’ house and be with his sister, stand by her while she talks to their mother but she said she wants to do it herself. He agreed because he knows he’ll do the same if it’s him, and that he figures he wouldn’t want an audience if he was to confess to his mother that he isn’t the person their parents’ thought he was for so long.  
  
 _Mom didn’t know_ , his sister had said once she was done, answering the very first question that popped up in his head. She said it as if she knew it was what he meant to ask as if she could somehow read through his silence.  
  
Then, she was speaking again before he did so himself, explaining more and thus making it easier to understand where it all went wrong.   
  
 _I guess it was my fault that she thought I was heartbroken because of Kazue-chan. Mom thought Kazue-chan stole Akito-san from me though that was never the case. I was heartbroken, yes, but not because of Akito-san – not because Kazue-chan and him ended up together. Mom didn’t know I was in love with Kazue-chan and that she tried her hardest to love me back, more than she knew she could despite the fact that we both knew she couldn’t. She’s straight, unlike me, and I should probably have been more honest about it to our parents, the same way you and Kazu were. I just. I was afraid of what they would think of me, I was afraid they wouldn’t approve of it._  
  
 _“_ You don’t know that,” was the only thing he could think of saying then, despite the many things he had wanted to shove into her face. He was angry, yes, but then he realized, what’s the point? He could blame her over and over again for keeping quiet, for being the reason their mother went on a raging fit that resulted to her desire to break him and Nino for good, for being the reason he was miserable for so long and then what? Would it make him feel better? Would it change the fact that his sister was miserable too, that she had to hide this part of herself because she was afraid her family wouldn’t approve of it?    
  
He didn’t think so.  
  
He guesses he was way luckier because even from the very beginning, his family had approved of who he is and his sexual preference. His sister wasn’t so lucky and maybe, part of that was her fault too. If she had been honest about herself, none of this would have happened. Their mother wouldn’t think that her bestfriend stole her boyfriend from her. He is pretty convinced their mother would have stood by her if she knew.  
  
But she didn’t and that is all there is to it.  
  
 _Well, yes_ … his sister said after a while, following it with a quiet,  _I guess I should have been braver. If I were, this wouldn’t have happened… I – I’m sorry, Satoshi. It was my fault Mom did what she did, my fault that you and Kazu ended up miserable for five long years. I’m so sorry._  
  
“Just talk to her,” he told her once she was done apologizing and he swore he felt lighter than he honestly was after the talk he had with their mother. “Tell her everything and I’m sure she will understand,”  
  
 _But what about you and Kazu?_  
  
“Let me take care of that,” he told her, “The important thing is to make her understand that none of this is Kazue-neechan’s fault,”  
  
 _Will you give Kazu and Kazue-chan my deepest apologies for everything that happened?_ , she mumbled afterwards.  
  
He found a smile for her then. “Wouldn’t it be better if you tell them that yourself?”   
  
It was a longer beat before his sister replied.  _I guess you’re right_ , then, sounding marginally cheerful the way she wasn’t so before, she added,   _tell them we’ll come to visit; I’m going to drag Mom along with me whether she likes it or not._  
  
He grinned, couldn’t not. “Will do,” he told her, “and Nee-chan?”  
  
 _Yeah?_  
  
“Thank you,”  
  
Silence.  _No, silly_ , she replied, her tone wobbly.  _Thank_ you, she said and hung up before he did.  
  
  
++  
  
  
“He’s not here,” Nino’s sister informed the minute he stepped inside the shop calling Nino’s name. “He hasn’t come back since he went with that guy earlier,”   
  
He goes to her and is reaching over to hug her before he could stop himself.  
  
“Nee-chan, I’m so sorry,” he breathes into her hair, hugging her a little tighter before he lets go.   
  
She frowns. “For what?” she asks, a tad confused. He shakes his head and reaches a hand out to squeeze her shoulder.   
  
“For everything,” he says, following it quickly with, “and thank you. For keeping quiet, for keeping my sister’s secret even though she doesn’t deserve it,” he says, watches her eyes go wide in surprise. He's grateful for her and for the way she kept her silence even if it meant hurting herself and her brother in the process. He knows right then that she loves his sister too, just not the way that his sister loved her. It’s different but also similar in a way and he guesses that’s just how love sometimes is. Complicated thing.  
  
She is crying when she shakes her head and he gives her shoulder another squeeze. “It was nothing compared to the fact that I hurt her,” she whispers her admission, her voice quaking along with the rest of her. “If I could take it back, I would, and I swear to god there hasn’t a day I wished for things to be different, for me to be like her just so I could love her the way she wanted me to but –“  
  
“You loved her enough as a friend,” he tells her, “she realized it now; you don’t have to apologize for something you have no control over,”  
  
“Toshi –“  
  
“It’s alright, Nee-chan,” he says and gave her a smile that he wishes is genuine enough to let her know that things are going to be better now. “I swear, it's alright. I've talked to my sister and she said she wants to see you guys so she can apologize in person. She's talking to our mother right this moment, you know? She said she is going to tell her everything, then she will come by to visit. If that's okay, she said,"  
  
"So many things happened because of us, Toshi," she says, openly crying now and well, he can't exactly blame her. It's the truth, afterall. "and the ones who earned the blunt of it are you and Kazu. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,"  
  
He tugs her into his arms and let her know he's already forgiven her, them. It's going to be fine now; he and Nino are going to start over and that is enough for him for now.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final Part + Epilogue

Ohno found him sitting under the shades of a nearby tree right by the riverbanks hours after he left the café.   
  
He knew Ohno would, eventually; he’d never doubted that Ohno would know where to find him, not even for one second, once Ohno is ready.  
  
He was too consumed with guilt when he left the café he didn’t know how he ended up here, the place he considers his sanctuary during the past five years, the place he always ends up in everytime he found himself wondering about Ohno, the only other place he feels at peace just by being here.  
  
Ohno sits next to him and for a long moment, no one talks. It is probably around three then, the sun still scorching hot that it is almost unbearable but he ignores it entirely. He can also feel the sweat gathering around his temple, his shirt clinging into him like second skin but he ignores that too.   
  
He doesn’t know how long they sat there, saying nothing until he feels his shirt being lifted by the hem, of Ohno’s hand settling over his heated skin before he realizes that Ohno is actually trying to pull his shirt off of him.  
  
“You’re drenched with sweat,” Ohno says by way of explanation when he turns to look at Ohno in confusion. “Take your shirt off and put mine on. Come on,”  
  
He does so despite his confusion, staring at the stretch of tanned skin bared to him when Ohno did take his shirt off himself and handing it over to him, taking his drenched own from his grasp and putting it aside.  
  
He puts on the shirt with minimal fuzz, blinking at Ohno through his sunspots and feeling his throat go dry at the sight of Ohno’s naked torso, the thirst he feels this time is completely different from what he was feeling seconds ago.  
  
Ohno gives him a smile and reaches over to brush the hair off his equally damp temple, away from his eyes while he swallows the urge to reach over himself, to let his fingertips dance over the stretch of soft skin bared to him the way he did so a few nights ago.   
  
He can’t even if he wants to and Ohno most likely won’t want him to either. It’s evident in the way Ohno’s gaze keep straying away from his face that something did happen during the few hours he was away, and he guesses it is safe not to assume anymore.  
  
It’s better that way, more for his heart than anything, because he is certain, what with the thousand and one scenarios playing in his head right now, that he’ll most likely going to drop dead of a broken heart if Ohno won’t say anything in the next two minutes.  
  
“Y-You’re not talking,” he finds himself saying before he can even stop himself. He realizes he is fidgeting like a common criminal, fingers twisting at the hem of his shirt – Ohno’s shirt -  nervously.   
  
Next to him, Ohno barely twitches. He has his gaze focused on the sight ahead, at the river’s water, probably, and doesn’t take his eyes off of it even when he speaks.  
  
“Only  because I’m not really sure what to say,” Ohno replies all-too quickly and it only makes matter worse for him. He lowers his gaze to the ground and keeps it locked into a spot there without actually seeing it, heart thudding painfully hard in his chest.  
  
His palms are sweaty when he claws them into fists but he hardly notices it through the painful beating of his heart.   
  
“You want me to make things easier for you, then?” he asks, throat closing up at the thought that this is it – Ohno is going to tell him they can’t be together, afterall, that he realizes he loves Matsumoto-san more than he thought he loves him. He swallows the lump that has formed in his throat, tasting bile in his tongue.  
  
“What do you mean?” Ohno says, turning slightly around to face him. His heart aches at the look he sees on Ohno’s face and he wonders how he’s going to walk forward from here on knowing that he lost Ohno forever.  
  
He averts his gaze somewhere else, anywhere that isn’t Ohno’s face because he knows that if he doesn’t, he’ll cry.   
  
“Just say goodbye and let’s be done with it,” he says, shakily, tremors rocking his spine as his fingers dig to the ground. “You don’t have to explain anything, I understand. You don't have to tell that you  realize you love him more than you –“  
  
“Kazu, what the hell are you even saying?!”  
  
He breathes harshly, trying to compose himself but knows that he’s failing. Damn it, he’s already on the verge of crying and he knows he will shame himself even more if he stayed.   
  
He pulls himself into an upright position, ignoring the way his knees buckle in favor of saving what is left of his pride, all ready to run away once he gathers enough strength to walk without tripping.  
  
To his surprise, Ohno’s hand seizes him around his wrist and tugs him back down, one arm branding around his waist and the other Ohno wraps around his neck.  
  
“You’re stupid if you think I’m letting you walk out on me again,” Ohno breathes into the side of his face, fingers fanned across the back of his neck, steadying him, holding him firmly against Ohno.  
  
“I –“  
  
“ – didn’t even get to see Jun, okay?” Ohno says, cutting him off. “H-He…. he left even before I can ask him to meet me, said it would  be better if we don’t see each other for at least a few weeks,”  
  
“O-Oh-chan –“  
  
"It's over between us, Kazu," Ohno whispers, "it's been over the moment I stepped into the shop and found you. I guess Jun-kun realized that too,"  
  
"I - w-what?"  
  
“He’s a good man, Kazu,” Ohno says, not giving him any chance to preempt him. “And I honestly feel bad for hurting him like this but he is also smart. He knows that I can never be happy with him -  that he could never make me happy the way only you can; because my heart beats for you and you alone, Kazunari, just you,”  
  
He’s not sure how to answer that, or there’s any way he can verbally respond when he is too busy trying not to sob out loud at the same time. It’s amazing, how Ohno is the only person who is able to break his heart one minute, and then make him feel like the world’s luckiest guy to ever live on the next without even as much as trying.  
  
Well, maybe he doesn’t even need to try. Ohno simply needs to take his hand and say his name and it’s enough for him to forget everything – the pain, the suffering, the heartaches – because Ohno is here to make things right.   
  
He folds himself against Ohno’s body and lets the warmth of Ohno’s embrace anchor him down as he cries.  
  
  
+  
  
“What did you think I was going to say?” Ohno says after a long moment of silence, of Ohno simply holding him tight.   
  
They are sitting next to each other, close but not close enough, their sides touching as they both stare at the bunch of children that came to play near the riverbanks half an hour ago.  
  
He stammers, cheeks hot at the memory of his earlier foolishness and decides to keep his mouth shut for now. He embarrassed himself enough for one day, and Ohno can go shove it if he decides not to indulge the older man’s teasing knowing that Ohno’s doing it at his expense.  
  
“You thought I was going to leave you for Jun, weren’t you?” Ohno says, sounding so very amused that he didn’t realize he is raising his head to check Ohno out until he is looking at the obviously sheepish grin tugging at the corners of Ohno’s lovely mouth.   
  
He scowls and reaches out to jab Ohno on the side. “Well, can you blame me? You were quiet eversince you arrived and that was probably more than an hour, what did you want me to think it means?”  
  
“That I was trying to keep myself from pushing you to ground and make love to you right then and there, because, hell, we’re at a freaking public place and you stink of sweat?”  
  
He snorts. “You are such a dork, Oh-chan,”   
  
“Whatever,” Ohno says, grabbing for his hand and keeping it imprisoned in between Ohno’s own. It’s almost too warm and their hands are damp with sweat but he doesn’t care and it sure looks like Ohno doesn’t either; he needs this closeness as much as he needs Ohno’s presence, wishing he can just go right ahead and kiss Ohno now just to reassure himself that all of this is real.   
  
“You love me despite my many defects as a person, anyway,” Ohno says, tugging their joined hands and dropping two soft kisses against his knuckles without breaking their gazes. “Right?”   
  
He doesn’t answer and decides to scratch this nagging itch instead – this need to taste Ohno’s smile by pulling Ohno to him and aiming a kiss against his slightly parted mouth. He means to keep it light, soft and chaste, just a simple brush of lips against lips but trust Ohno to counter-attack him by quickly closing the distance between their mouths and shoving his tongue inside his own without preamble.  
  
He barely realizes he is kissing Ohno back with equal fervor until he hears the sound of a moan – long and outdrawn and realizes it came from the back of his own throat as Ohno tears his mouth away from his and nips his way down to his throat.  
  
“S-Satoshi –“ he groans, only vaguely thankful that  the sun is almost gone now, as are the children playing near the riverbanks moments before.  
  
“Say you love me, Nino,” Ohno breathes, and it took him a moment to realize how unsure Ohno’s voice sounded like. He reaches for Ohno, takes Ohno’s face in between his hands, softly, coaxing Ohno’s eyes to meet his as he brushes an affectionate thumb against the side of Ohno’s mouth. “Please, please –“  
  
It’s a wonder, really, how things easily turn over for them both, when he was the one feeling the proverbial fear of losing Ohno earlier and Ohno looking like he’s so close to dying himself if he doesn’t say the words he knows they both need to hear now.  
  
“Of course I do, you dummy,” he whispers, pressing one soft kiss against the corner of Ohno’s mouth to prove his point, and then doing it again just to be sure. “I love you so much it’s scares me sometimes, you know?”  
  
Ohno closes his eyes then and he leans over to press two soft kisses against Ohno’s closed eyelid, tasting salt and regret, pain and love mingling together.  
  
“No need to be scared, no,” Ohno whispers, catching him around the  back of his neck and kissing him hard and swift. “because I love you just as much, Nino. So much, so fucking much,”  
  
He gives in, shaking with all the emotion he can hardly contain, panting into Ohno’s mouth as Ohno kisses him with all he has.  
  
  
  
 **EPILOGUE**  
  
  
  
The mattress creaks in time with each buck of Ohno’s hips into him and the pressure around his thighs coils every goddamn second Ohno’s cock hits that spot inside him that makes his eyes loll to the back of his head in pleasure.   
  
He writhes and wriggles, urging Ohno along by wrapping his legs around Ohno’s waist tight but Ohno can’t seem to take the hint. Ohno is fucking him so very deliberately slowly he wonders how long they’ve been at it, feeling as though Ohno has been fucking him for hours on end without getting tired.   
  
“O-Oh-chan –“ he gasps, back arching from the bed and fingers scrabbling for purchase, finding Ohno’s hips shoulders for leverage as his own hips buck from the bed to meet Ohno’s jerking own halfway. It’s so good, so fucking good that everytime Ohno’s cock slides into him, deeper and deeper each time, he is moaning and telling Ohno how good it feels.  
  
Ohno grinds their hips together and then stops moving altogether much to his disappointment. Letting out a noise of annoyance, he hooks his legs around Ohno’s waist and whines like a child who has been denied the very thing he’s been wanting all his life.  
  
“Tsk, so impatient,” Ohno tells him, nosing his cheeks and just being generally adorable. He would welcome it, the sweet gesture and everything if he’s not so desperate to come himself, because Ohno has been denying him the pleasure ever since he walked in to the door and announced his presence to Ohno’s back.  
  
He hadn’t been back here for all of two minutes when he found himself backed against the wall, Ohno’s fingers alternated between unbuckling his belt and pushing his pants and boxers down his slim hips in the same fucking breath as they kissed, not even five minutes passed before he found himself shoved against the wall and Ohno’s head bobbing up and down his cock, swallowing his dick as if Ohno had been starved from it for days on end.  
  
He was muffling his pleasure against the crook of his own arm, his other hand fisted into the crown of Ohno’s head as Ohno delivered well-timed sucks around his aching cock. He’d been gone for five days only to visit his family, but Ohno acted as if  he was gone for months.   
  
So it was not at all surprising for him to come, at the back of Ohno’s throat, what with the way Ohno was sucking him with single-minded focus. He was shuddering still when Ohno stood up and grabbed him around the waist and kissed him, before the ground disappeared beneath his feet when Ohno picked him up into his arms as if he is nothing.  
  
Now, probably an hour after he came his brains out by the doorway, Ohno still wouldn’t let him come again, the jerk.   
  
“Damn, what the hell have you been feeding yourself while I was away?” he complains, though half-hearted because Ohno is jerking his hips shallowly into him, just teasing him with little rolls of Ohno’s hips that is still enough to make his spine tingle. “It’s been, what, an hour already and you’re still far from coming? What the hell is up with that?”  
  
Ohno looks highly amused for someone who hadn’t even manage to come once. “I’m taking my time, that’s what,”  
  
“God,” he groans, tugging at the short hairs at the back of Ohno’s head and making Ohno hum blissfully in response so he does it again. “seriously, I want to come,” he says, biting his lips hard enough to draw blood when Ohno thrusts into him, hard but still not hard enough to tip him over the edge of orgasm.  
  
Ohno stills then and braces himself above him with his arms and knees without pulling out, his expression calm and peaceful. Nino wonders sometimes how he does it when he can barely think past the sensation whenever Ohno is buried so deep into him and throbbing.   
  
“Tell me what you did during the five days you were gone first,” Ohno tells him, voice not even the slightest bit shaky while Ohno brushes his sweaty bangs away from his eyes.   
  
“Fuck, are you serious?” he complains in utter disbelief, eyes wide as he stares at Ohno who is staring back at him almost solemnly.   
  
“Very,” Ohno says and shifts to put most of his weight in his left as he brushes Nino’s cheek with his right hand. “How’s Kazuri? Hopefully she’s used to sleeping with her Mom now since you’re not living with them anymore,” Ohno says, fingering the side of his mouth tenderly, and looking the least bit concerned nor affected that they are still both very much naked and his cock is still very much buried inside Nino’s body and still as hard as a rock.  
  
“Oh-chan, can’t this wait?” he complains, tugging Ohno down by his ears for a filthy kiss. “I mean, you’re cock’s in me and you want to talk while we’re having sex? What’s wrong with you?”  
  
Ohno grins, sheepish and so, so lovely. “I told you I want to take my time and that’s exactly what I’m doing,” Ohno says, “and you really don’t have much to complain. You already came once, earlier, right?”  
  
“That’s not the point,” he says, trying to argue his way to an orgasm that is so close he can vaguely taste it. “I just. God, I want –“  
  
“I know,” Ohno says, eyes dark but playful, “but bear with it for a little longer, okay?” Ohno says, then, “Did you talk to my Mom?”  
  
He groans, frustrated at best knowing that he won’t be getting what he wants until Ohno decides he’s ready to give it to him so really, there’s no other way but to indulge the older man.   
  
He heaves a sigh and wills himself to calm down despite the difficulty. “I did,” he breathes, wondering how it’s even possible to be this happy though he is, there’s no mistake about that and how damn lucky he is for finding someone as wonderful as Ohno.   
  
He finds himself stroking Ohno’s cheek tenderly, chest tight at the surge of renewed affection for the older man remembering the surprise gift Ohno’s given him through his mother, amazed yet again at how damn good Ohno is for keeping his word, his promises.   
  
Not that he still have doubts about Ohno’s capability to make things happen but sometimes, just sometimes, Ohno still does something that catches him by surprise and it’s a good feeling whenever Ohno does it.   
  
Like this time around when he goes back home for a visit and Ohno insisted he make sure to meet with Ohno’s mother before he heads back to Tokyo, only to find out that Ohno had arranged something for him and his family without even consulting him.  
  
“And?”  
  
He feels the heat prickling at the corners of the eyes remembering the papers Ohno’s mother had handed over to him the day before when they met for lunch.  
  
He swings his hand and hits Ohno half-heartedly. “You jerk,” he whines shakily, though it completely counters the way he is feeling rather emotional at the fact that Ohno had gifted him and his family their properties back even though he didn’t really have to.   
  
He’d known it then, even when Ohno’s mother thought she kept the fact about signing Nino’s family’s properties over her name when she offered her help five years ago, and that it was one of the many reasons he couldn’t man up and find Ohno himself. The embarrassment alone would have been enough, but the fact that he didn’t have anything in his name, aside from the debts their father left them, which were then ended up to be his and his sister's simply added to the shame he didn’t know how to handle then.  
  
And to have all of their properties signed over back to his family’s name when Ohno bought them back with his own money is something he didn’t really expect but appreciate just the same, because Ohno is wonderful like that. Ohno would simply ignore him if he tells him to keep the properties to his name, afterall, and declining Ohno's help would only mean hurting Ohno in the process.   
  
So he doesn't, knowing that he could pay Ohno back, soon, and he intends to no matter.   
  
"Ouch," Ohno whines overdramatically, "your words wound me, Nino. So harsh, uh," Ohno grumbles despite the fact that he is grinning. Nino wants to kiss him just to shut him up but it's difficult when he is pinned into the bed and Ohno is doing a fair job at keeping him there.  
  
"You deserve it, you ass," he counters, voice breaking at the last syllable. "you intend to make me cry, and I almost did, you bastard. In front of your mother, nonetheless!"  
  
"Did you, though?"  
  
"Not telling!" he replies, feeling his cheeks burn at the memory of his weeping self as he accepted Ohno's mother's gift. He didn't know what to say then, and honestly, he still doesn't know what to say now. Except maybe for one thing.   
  
He tugs Ohno by the elbow, hard, until Ohno's full weight crashes onto him and he is finally able to thread his fingers through Ohno's damp hair.  
  
"I'm not sure what to say that wouldn't sound like a lie, but -"  
  
Ohno smiles at him and presses their mouths together, soft and chaste and sweet. "It's not a big deal," Ohno says, and he knows deep in his hear that Ohno means it. "So don't make it as one, okay? A simple thank you is enough, really,"  
  
It is a big deal, there's no other way to classify it but Ohno wouldn't want it to be so that's just how it should be. For now. "Fine, thank you," he says, indulging the older man for once, "and I love you. So much,"  
  
Ohno grins and kisses him, then jerks his hips hard enough to rattle the bed and the action alone is enough to lit his body on fire; Ohno reaches down in between their bodies and takes him inside Ohno's palm, cradling his own cock inside the warmth of Ohno's hand as Ohno rocks their hips together.   
  
"This is just the beginning, you know?" Ohno tells him in utter seriousness as Ohno begins thrusting his hips into him. "I'm going to spoil you rotten, Nino, so be ready. And you should learn how to gracefully accept gifts from now on because you are going to receive a lot from me. Gonna make up for the years I lost you, so -"  
  
"What do you mean?" he cuts in, barely coherent because Ohno is fucking him hard now it's getting increasingly difficult to focus on one thing when his body is craving something else. Damn Ohno Satoshi and his stupid games!  
  
Ohno dips his head and catches his mouth for a kiss so filthy he is moaning within seconds, tongue sucking his and rolling his hips at the same time, leaving him panting for breath when Ohno pulls away.  
  
"You're going to finish college, Nino," Ohno says, grabbing his hands and putting them above his head. "Once you're fully settled here, that is. Don't worry, I already asked Jun-kun and Sho-kun for help even though they are busy preparing for their sort-of honeymoon trip, those disgusting bunch. Anyway, they're going to help you choose which school you would want to - ah,  _fuck_ , I'm close -"  
  
"God damn it, are you my fucking benefactor?" he hisses, legs twining around Ohno's waist as Ohno's hips work double time, fucking him hard and fast, faster and faster still he is seeing stars.  
  
"I can be your whatever, I don't care, so long as we're together," Ohno returns, the sappy bastard.  
  
He wants to protest, he wants to tell Ohno to stop planning his life for him but he knows that his complains will only go unheard, ignored, because Ohno Satoshi is so fucking good at tuning him out when he feels the need to.   
  
It's overwhelming, though, to have someone who willingly goes out of his way to do such things for him, and he guesses he should be grateful instead. He can just add this one to the ever-growing pile of debt he swears to pay Ohno back as soon as he can, anyway, so he figures it is okay.  
  
Putting the pampering thing aside, this, however, he won't mind having  for the rest of his fucking life. Ohno's mouth pressed against his, Ohno's tongue shoved down his throat, and Ohno's cock slipping in and out of his body. "Ah, god, O-Oh-chan -!"  
  
Yes, he doesn't mind this, not at all, and he is sure neither does Ohno. But that's hardly surprising. They love each other to a fault, afterall.   
  
"Yes, yes, oh fuck, Nino!"


End file.
